X Factor: Blood, tears and darts

23:52, Jun 23 2013
KILLING IT: Moorhouse

Hollywood has brought us some wonderful music so when I heard the theme of last night's X Factor, great things sprang to mind.

It could have been Tom Batchelor singing the Ghostbusters theme, or Gap 5 belting out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle's Turtle Power. Or even Cassie Henderson doing Vanilla Ice's track from the second movie of that series.

Instead, they pretty much kept everything middle of the road and, while some contestants got a chance to shine, others were defeated by their song choices.

First up was self-described "lover, fighter and sex god" Tom Batchelor. This time, at least, he put on some shoes and a leather jacket but it was hello to his hairy chest again.

He performed The Kinks' All Day and All of the Night from the movie, The Boat That Rocked, and, while I do love the song, electrifying it is not.

Judge Melanie Blatt enjoyed it but was a bit lost for words; Stan Walker liked the production but struggled to place him in pop mainstream radio.

But, in the end, good old Tom told us he was doing it all for flooded Canterbury and that his mum (in the audience) liked him taking off his clothes. Creepy ...

Cassie Henderson was next with a rendition of Twilight's A Thousand Years.

Finally, she wasn't just belting out a song like a 14-year-old. She was actually really, really good.

Walker told her she didn't look sexy but she was beautiful. An odd statement ...

Then it was time for the golden voice of Whenua Patuwai, who was out to prove he was a bit crazy and wild by performing ... wait for it ... Stevie Wonder's I Wish, from the Happy Feet movie. Yep.

And, by the look of it, they even tried to make him dance a bit like a penguin, which was smart because, after all, who doesn't like penguins?

Blatt said he had the best voice but the least X Factor and it was was all a bit too Vegas for her; Daniel Bedingfield wanted to buy his record and Ruby Frost loved it. Obviously.

Next up was Palmy crooner Benny Tipene. Apparently he was channelling a dead actor who he resembled a bit.

I do think Tipene has heaps of talent, but the dance lessons were lost on him.

While he was performing Frankie Valli's Can't Take My Eyes Off You from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, there was some awkward dancing and jumping up steps going on.

And, speaking of awkward: While the other judges weren't massively impressed either, Bedingfield said he wanted to see him bleed again (while making slashing wrist movements). Awkward indeed.

Before Gap 5 got to perform M.I.A's Paper Planes from the movie Slumdog Millionaire, Blatt told us how funny they really are. After having been in the bottom two a couple of times the producers obviously felt the need to deepen our relationship with the five-piece.

But no matter how funny they are offstage, their vocals are a bit hit and miss and what were they thinking when dressing them as what can only be described as neon gangsters?

Walker said that we didn't have anything like them in this country. Maybe that's because girl groups were a thing of the noughties.

Then he went on to say the best was still to come which is sort of a nice way of saying: "You were a bit s... tonight."

Bedingfield said he wanted to shoot caffeine darts at them, which turns out to be one of those jokes greeted with deafening silence. And a bit of outrage from the group's mentor.

Up next was show favourite Jackie Thomas and, in a creepy uncle way, Bedingfield introduced her as "full of life".

She sang The Cardigans' Lovefool from Romeo and Juliet, which is sort of nice but so far in the middle of the road that she was lucky to avoid a serious car crash.

Frost described her performance as "interesting". Blatt thought it lacked personality. Walker didn't like it either and her mentor, Bedingfield, was just getting catty.

"Trying things a bit different" became a synonym for being a "bit s...".

So: One More. Or rather Moor. The SBW's Moorhouse were getting a bit of unfair advantage by being oh-so-caring lads and visiting a sick girl in the hospital.

Which is, of course, a great thing to do, and they sure made that little girl very happy, but in this context it seemed just a bit too calculated.

Anyhow. They're off to perform Stan Walker's Take It Easy.

It's fair to say they pretty much nailed it. So much so that they made Walker cry.

He was full of humble pie and said that he never thought somebody would sing one of his songs.

Surely somebody told him before that this would be happening tonight.

He's was so frazzled that even Bedingfield came over to give him a hug.

Bedingfield then went on to say that he liked it. Frost and Blatt couldn't be happier.

And as the last statement of the night, the Moorhouse boys said: "We were nervous but now we're happy that he cried."

That's not a nice thing to say, is it?

So what do we think? Who's going home tonight?