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TV review: It's down to the naff nitty-gritty

By JANE BOWRON - The Dominion Post
Last updated 11:09 17/04/2009
TVNZ
DANCE OFF: Barbara Kendall will face Tamati Coffey in the final of Dancing with the Stars.
TVNZ
BATTLE OF THE STARS: Tamati Coffey will face Barbara Kendall in the final of Dancing with the Stars.

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OPINION: Now that Josh Kronfeld has retired to the changing rooms to rub liniment on his tired muscles, at last we can get down to business.

Kendall v Coffey for the grand final of Dancing With the Stars is the best scenario after Bouncy (Rebecca Hobbs) got the chop too early. If there had been any justice or responsible judging, really she should have been in at least the final three.

Craig Revel Horwood hit the nail on the head when he said his wooden shutters at home had more movement than the AB's dance, but the males in the audience are sure going to miss feasting their eyes on his partner, Rachel Burstein.

As Paul Henry mused on Breakfast, the reason Josh was in the top three had a lot to do with Rachel's top two.

When the freshly eliminated couple appeared on Breakfast the next morning, Henry asked Kronfeld if it had been hard trying to concentrate on the footwork when Burstein was bursting out of her frock, to which Kronfeld replied: "You know, you really can be a dickhead sometimes, Paul."

Burstein obliged by stroking our national insecurity and said she'd had a wonderful time in our country and "a blast" on the show.

A blast - I haven't heard that expression since the seventies. Kronfeld did a time warp with the colloquialisms as well and said he was "stoked" to have got so far.

But my favourite utterance of the night was from "Barbarlous" Kendall, who commented after her first dance, which was considered to be sensual, that we were lucky to see that side of her because normally "I keep it for my husband".

Who, by the way, is where? In this series, the significant others are very much in the background or not appearing at all.

Remember series one, when every snippet of Norm Hewitt practising with Carol-Ann Hickmore had his wife, Arlene Thomas-Hewitt, lurking in the background?

Those were the days when couples were so hot you could not adjust your set without donning oven gloves.

At the risk of sounding like Bridget Tease Saunders, I remember a well-known TV presenter telling me that things got so steamy on series one that a TVNZ head honcho had to fly down from Auckland to tell everyone to please get out of each other's beds.

Now competitors are keeping it for their husbands, and the only person who seems to have a soft spot for anyone is Revel Horwood, who has magnificently fought his crush on Tamati Coffey by hitherto being extremely tough on him.

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This week he hilariously likened Coffey's expressive hand work to Liza Minnelli's and awarded the weather presenter a 10.

Coffey was so astonished he nearly passed out in Candy Lane's grotto and gushed: "Getting a 10 from Craig means SO much."

I love watching Revel Horwood prepare to pass judgment. He stretches his neck up like Deirdre Gig Lamps Barlow then peers down his nose like the Queen so that all you can see is his eyelashes.

He's a scream and has had to carry the harsh-judge role more than usual this series, with Brendan Cole being positively pussy-cattish - sans claws. What's wrong with him? Is he in love or something?

Candy Lane, too, is much more subdued and has taken on the mother-hen role, calling herself "a wee mum" as she lined up the finalists, praised the celebs and gave congrats to the newby ballroom dancers who'd come so far.

She needs a new scriptwriter because she's a DWTS institution and, even if the whole series was rubbish, getting to watch her dance at the Cole face was worth it.

It would be nice for tireless DWTS veteran Jonny Williams to get his girl to the top but I'm with Burstein, who thinks Coffey is the better dancer. Well, maybe he's not better, but he's got natural rhythm and his jive was joy itself.

He makes you feel happy watching him and letting us meet his family will only increase his fan base.

Kendall's foxtrot was a swirl of grace and when she sank to the floor at the end dressed in a lemonade cascade of frills, she looked like one of those girlie pyjama cases I used to covet as a pre-pubescent.

Remember those pictures of the Swan Lake lineup that every little girl had on her wall? Well, Kendall looked like she'd just stepped out of the chorus line.

Who would have thought that all that deep-frying on the surfboard could be transformed into something so lovely? She's scrubbed up so well she could be Lorraine Downes' sister.

Kronfeld thinks Babs will win.

"She's a great girl!" he enthused, arguing the toss with Burstein, who is backing Coffey.

Those athletes always stick to themselves, but I reckon Coffey's going to win it. Do you realise Norm's the only bloke to have knocked the bastard off?

* Who will win? Post your comments below.

11 comments
Post a comment
bobberesford.com   #11   09:44 am Apr 21 2009

Well.....down to the Finale - as in Grand. Despite the issue of too much talk and not enough dance ( eg guest spots ) it has been, again, an interesting journey.....self realisation via dance. Some have been really good - aided by top teaching. Lorraine Downs was classy - which you'd half expect. Temepara George was exceptional - could have gone on to high competition dancing etc. Megan and Jonny could have gone that route, nationally, too ?

The lesson is that those with the top athletic ability and mindset can excel here. Barbara Kendall had that, and excellent feet, leg movement and balance, but has surprised at how graceful , fluid and extended she's become - moving more from the hips ( despite her low hip position in windsurfing she works from the upper body there ).

The biggest surprise this series , though, has to be Tamati and his Hairspray dance. Real class. With more training he could be doing lead dance roles in stage musicals. Could probably learn the acting. Can he sing any good ? He has the presence, commands the floor, and the perpetual smile, too. I expect that TV at least will use his abilities more, with his foot in the door.

With the Finale, all get a chance to show why they were eliminated too soon. So expect Lizzy Igasan to do a dance with a quick rhythmn really well. And expect Rebecca and Aaron to be outstanding....and maybe sensual.

While the producers might like controversy - for the ratings - the judges need to be more realistic and consistent next year and then the public vote more on ability....it's supposed to be a dance competition ?

Though I just read in Uncensored magazine ( everyone should read it ) that TV viewing disengages the rational brain and people react emotionally. That sure explains a lot of the voting, where many viewers could not have been evaluating the actual dance !

Shirley Knuckey   #10   12:35 pm Apr 18 2009

Love the comments Jane! The negativity around this series is a bit over the top though I and friends have one main grouch - why did this crop of guys all have the wide backsides? Oh, for a Kiwi fella with slim hips!! AND - notwithstanding that they've ended up in the last 3, the two new lady dancers caused the eyes to pop on their first appearance; they seemed to both be sporting somewhat 'enhanced' tops and extraordinarily sketchy cossies. My nasty looksism lurks again, as dare I say, also a little less litheness than say the leggy very gorgeous Krystal who disappeared very early. Best of the whole series though, is the Candy and Cole guest spot. SUPERB! Catch the YouTube of the gent as one of the pros on Britains Strictly Come Dancing. Now THERE's male dancing. (And also Craig Whats-it comes across very circumspect and seriously earnest).

richard   #9   04:58 pm Apr 17 2009

in response to dave #3:

Lol, I doubt Tamati even considers how "lucky" he is! Didn't you know, Dave? He's come out to bat for the other side!

Nicky   #8   04:48 pm Apr 17 2009

Tamati should win and his partner is gorgeous. Rebecca should have been in the top three agreed but the right two are there in the end so it doesn't really matter too much the order they go out.

Maggie May   #7   04:39 pm Apr 17 2009

Hooray only 1 more week of this boring boring crap to go.

Its not even about how can dance the best, as shown by some of the best dancers being voted off earlier on.

Its all about which of the contestants gave get as many of their supports to vote for them, and the viewers to follow suit blindly.

I hope this is the last of DWTS, they appear to be scraping the bottom of the barrels for talent. Its getting very very mundane and predictable.

May the best dancer on the night win. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JeM   #6   03:33 pm Apr 17 2009

@Joe - Tamati is not a has-been. He's been on our screens for years with What Now and now Breakfast, so he's very much a right-now.

My vote is def going to Tamati. I think they are both excellent dancers but Tamati seems to have more drive and the ability to take a few risks. Plus, he's hot.

Joe   #5   02:54 pm Apr 17 2009

This is not entertainment news It's boring and self promoting TVNZ. I note that the TVNZ Breakfast show promotes this garbage heavily. They are all has beens and the show idea is not even original....Its a franchise from elswhere. What ever happened to REAL educational documentaries that we ultimately pay for through NZ on Air funding.

Mike   #4   02:02 pm Apr 17 2009

Matt - yes the final is solely on public vote because of the way the system works. Whoever gets the most judges marks gets 2 points, 2nd plae gets 1 point (regardless of how many marks they "score" - the points are awarded by placing, not by the 4-judge score)

then whoever gets the most public votes gets 2 points, and 2nd gets 1 point.

But here's the rub - if hte points are tied then the most public votes wins.

But there's only 1 possible scenario for tied points and that is if a couple gets top points from the judges, but bottom from the public (or vice versa) - so each couple has 3 points...and the top public vote wins the tie.

the only other scenario is the public vote and judges vote both go to teh same couple - in which case they get 4 points, 2nd place gets 2...and again the top public vote wins.

dave   #3   01:54 pm Apr 17 2009

I totally agree with "admirer#2".....

Samantha is STUNNING ...... simply STUNNING

Tamati, you lucky lucky bloke.

You two dance as one and is a delight to watch - go on and WIN

Admirer   #2   01:12 pm Apr 17 2009

Tamati Coffey's partner is the sexiest person on that show. She is HOOOOTTTTTT man.


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