How the bikini beat the misogynist

BY JANE BOWRON

OPINION: Nothing makes you feel like you're stuck in Groundhog Day more than having to watch yet another extended final of Survivor (TV3, Thursday).

For a brief moment back in about season eight, host Jeff Probst looked like he was growing old with the show, which has just clocked up a staggering 19 seasons and been called the most influential television programme of the decade.

However, in Survivor Samoa, Probst looked younger than he did when he first announced that gay Rich was the winner back in 2000, and I'd hazard a guess it ain't the sun that's making his skin look like a baby's.

Thursday night's show went on and on, challenge after challenge, vote after vote, machination after machination, as the overly confident and deeply loathsome Russell swung in a hammock sipping an OJ and dreaming of his inevitable victory.

Well, ha bloody ha, the misogynist who so scathingly referred to a burgeoning female allegiance as, "one dumb-arse girl alliance" got snookered by Natalie who buddied up to him early on in the piece, sheltering behind his hairy back as he took all the bullets.

It was such a classic girlie trick and he didn't see it coming. Maybe because he was distracted by how good she looked in a bikini.

Smart, easy-on-the-eye girl players have worked out that due to the inevitable dramatic weight loss that takes place during filming, a smaller swimsuit should be packed as there's nothing more unflattering than a back shot of spavined buttocks in saggy briefs.

Make-up free, the Arkansas beauty looked like a bleached Bo Derek, radically different from the borderline plump person who showed up to hear the final announcement weeks later looking a couple of kilos short of voluptuous.

As Probst pointed out, Russell was visibly upset not to win, with tears in a permanently welled up state shining in his dark, plotting eyes. So surprised was he to have lost, he offered Natalie $100,000 to get Probst to tell him: "You, Russell, are the sole survivor."

She declined as he whined and insisted he'd "played the best strategic game in history" - the phrase "take it like a man" and the ideals of true sportsmanship still eluding him.

Probst, ever the philosopher - he played Voltaire to Russell's Machiavelli - posed the question to the rest of the group: "Is it possible to not win the game and be a better player?" as Jaison, sounding more than a little embittered, voiced his disgust over the public hero worship of Russell, likening him to the office bully.

Well, there is something definitely Brentian (as in David) about Russell, and, frankly, Survivor Samoa would have been a dull trot without him.

Probst's question to Russell: "Did we create a monster in you?" was like asking if Nicky Watson sleeps on her back.

Hello! This is the player who right from kick off secretly burnt fellow competitors' socks, emptied their water bottles and boasted to his personally assigned camera crew: "I'm going to control how they feel. Whatever I want happens."

Russell arrived nasty and left a colossal bad sport and - there is no justice in this world - got to win the Spirit Season hundred-grand award over former marine Shambo, she of the curly mullet and arm tattoo.

The preview of the next Survivor series - billed as Heroes vs Villains - will obviously see the return of the rancorous Russell, who will have his work cut out for him hunkered down with other nasties.

This week's return of Missing Pieces (TV3, Tuesday, 8pm), where Nick travelled to Athens to find the father he had never met after his mother died, had me hitting the hankies.

What a thoroughly nice chap Nick came across as, when he approached his unsuspecting father in the street, shook his hand and assured him, "This is a good thing my friend, this is a good thing - you're my father", before breaking down in sobs.

Half of me was repelled at voyeuring the reunion, while the other half rejoiced as the estranged parties finally met.

Must make a mental note to remove mascara before watching next time.

* What did you think? Post your comments below.

- © Fairfax NZ News