We can work it out

Fairfax Media

ROCKY ROAD: Couples who worked on their relationship together with a therapist have a 65 per cent chance of achieving a mutually satisfactory improvement in their relationship.

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Couples who try to sort out their relationship difficulties on their own are only half as likely to make improvements than those who enter therapy, Australian research has found.

An extensive review of Australian and international relationship therapy research has concluded that couples who worked on their relationship together with a therapist have a 65 per cent chance of achieving a mutually satisfactory improvement in their relationship.

"If they don't receive help their chance of a good outcome is only 35 per cent," said Dr Matthew Bambling, a psychologist and relationship therapist at Queensland University of Technology.

And success rates weren't much better if only one person underwent therapy, according to the review published in the journal Couple Therapy in Australia.

"It takes two to tango, so if only one person takes responsibility for the relationship and goes for counselling they might sort out some of their own problems but it won't necessarily sort out the relationship," Dr Bambling said.

"The solution to relationship problems nearly always requires both partners' committed work in therapy."

About half of Australians' first marriages fail, with 50 per cent of these ending in the first seven years.

Dr Bambling said one of the main causes of relationship stress was unrealistic expectations and then disillusionment with what the marriage or relationship would bring.

"Some people expect their partner to make them blissfully happy all the time; others expect to be madly in love or have a high standard of living or great sex," he said.

On top of this, many couples don't know how to communicate their needs, which the therapist said works against developing emotional intimacy and creates resentment through misunderstandings.

"Then there are the usual suspects of disagreement over money, time and children," Dr Bambling said.

"Sometimes it is just boredom and people are not clear how to keep the spark alive."

Ongoing relationship distress and divorce have been linked to financial strife and serious mental health problems like anxiety and depression, as well as substance abuse problems in children.

- AAP