Back to work for mums

BY KARYN RILEY

One of the most significant decisions many new mothers will make is whether to return to paid employment. Choosing to do so often produces unexpected emotions and raises many challenges affecting the whole family.

Some mums fear the thought of returning to work, especially if they haven't been working for some time.

Others feel relieved about regaining an identity and look forward to the stimulation of adult interaction.

Mothers can often experience guilt, low confidence and self-esteem when rejoining the workforce, or worry about childcare arrangements and how their children will cope.

The good news is, with planning and preparation, returning to work can be both a worthwhile and rewarding experience.

Return for the right reasons

Make time to identify, write down and review the advantages, disadvantages and motivating factors for your return to work. Try to ensure it will suit your lifestyle and family values, in addition to your financial situation. Many parents find guilt detracts from experiencing a positive transition into the workforce. Reduce guilt by focusing on the positives. It might be helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings so you can acknowledge them and move forward by letting them go.

Employment options

Spend time researching information on employment options available. These could include flexible working arrangements (especially important in times of family illness or unexpected delays); part-time or full-time positions; working evenings or weekends; job sharing; leave entitlements; employment contracts; working conditions; breastfeeding; and parking facilities. Discuss these with your prospective employer, enabling you to make informed decisions, while meeting your family needs.

Plan and prepare

Write down a specific plan for how your family will adapt. Involve the family and ask for everyone's ideas and input. Delegate tasks and share responsibilities where possible. Review even the smallest of details to minimise unexpected problems. Planning could include childcare and transport arrangements, strategies for managing time effectively, financial assistance, support systems, contingency plans for breastfeeding, illness, holidays, unexpected delays and additional responsibilities, or updating your wardrobe with suitable work attire. Talk to other working parents to learn what worked well for them.

Childcare options

Spend time researching available childcare options, providing you with reassurance when choosing the best option for your family. Put your childcare arrangements in place before recommencing work, enabling you to start work feeling at ease and confident in the knowledge that your arrangements are satisfactory and your child is settled and enjoying their new environment.

Support systems

Establish and trial support systems and routines in advance, enabling adjustments to be made if necessary. Involve your partner, family, friends or other working parents. If you don't have extended family living nearby, make contact with other families within your community, or consider employing a babysitter or nanny. Learn to accept, or ask for, offers of help and assistance. Many working mothers say they could not manage without the full support and shared responsibility of their partner or support network.

Jennie Moreton always intended continuing work after having children. "It is hard leaving your child in someone else's care and thinking you might miss out on important milestones in their life," she says. "Having good relationships with caregivers minimises worry." Moreton has a team of people who help look after her children, including caregivers, teachers, grandparents and friends. "Just because you work, doesn't mean you have to do it all. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. Without our support network, our lives wouldn't run smoothly."

Many mothers resume their career with relative ease, finding their work environment refreshing and stimulating, providing them with new challenges and the chance to enjoy time out away from the home.

Jeanette Read recommenced part- time work when her son was seven weeks old. "With the aid of expressing milk, and my husband as primary carer while I worked, I felt totally at ease and enjoyed the break, change of scenery and adult conversation. I made sure I was super organised."

However, for some parents, returning to work can be a daunting experience.

Kelly (not her real name), a mother of two, wasn't prepared for the feelings of self-doubt and lack of confidence she experienced. "At times I felt like an impostor leading a double life. Outwardly, I was pretending to believe in myself and my ability to cope, but inwardly I felt guilty, anxious and overwhelmed. It took time, positive thinking and perseverance to overcome the negative thought pattern I had spiralled into."

After commencing work, there are further considerations to help balance work and family commitments:

Get organised

Check and maintain your support systems and routines regularly. Aim to keep things simple, achievable and realistic. Many parents recommend planning and preparing meals in advance, shopping online or hiring a cleaner (if possible) to relieve pressure at the end of the day and allow quality family time during evenings and weekends.

Prioritise

As a working parent, demands on your time are commonplace. Prioritise needs, focusing your attention on one area at a time. This provides clarity and a sense of control when managing differing roles and responsibilities, keeping you on track and feeling calm. Use effective time-management strategies and tools, like a diary or personal organiser, to plan adequate time for work and family commitments. Make a commitment to schedule in regular time for yourself, your relationships and your children.

Communicate

Use direct and open communication with family, friends and your employer. Early and effective conflict resolution avoids compounding problems, disharmony and resentment. Regular discussions with family or your employer can be the ideal forum to review your current situation and make adjustments if necessary.

Set boundaries

Switching between work and family roles can leave you feeling exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed. Establish clear boundaries between work and family. Make a conscious decision to switch off from your "other role", focusing your full attention on your present role. Concentrate on quality time, not quantity.

Go easy on yourself - trying to be "super mum" and attempting to do it all will only result in anxiety, guilt and unnecessary pressure. Have realistic expectations.

Make time for self-care a priority. Limit, or learn to say "no" to unreasonable requests or additional commitments. Remember it's OK to put yourself and your family first.

Employing strategies that work for you and your family, and maintaining realistic expectations provide parents returning to work with an enjoyable, empowering and rewarding experience.

Karyn Riley is a Christchurch- based parenting specialist, life coach, author of the forthcoming book How to Keep the YOU in Mum, inspirational speaker and mother of two.

* For more information, see rileylife.co.nz

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