An open letter to fancy beauty salons

18:00, Jul 01 2014
ZIP IT: Dear posh beauty salon, I'm here to relax, not to hear how my skin is reminiscent of Magda in There's Something About Mary.

When I've put aside the time and money to go and have a facial, it's a cherished treat. I want to lie back, luxuriate in it, and leave feeling blissed-out and happy.

What I don't want is to feel scrutinised and critiqued thanks to the newly discovered skin 'flaws' you often seem intent on pointing out. That makes me feel nothing but depressed.

Look, I understand I don't have perfect skin. But unless I bring up the topic myself, it's rude to point out other people's less-than-perfect points.

This should not be a demeaning, Nip/Tuck "tell me what you don't like about yourself" session.

Some things I've been told by facialists (that I really did not need to hear):

1. "Oh, do you go out in the sun a lot"? 


(Yes, I model myself after Magda in There's Something About Mary.)

2. "Did you know you have a lot of broken capillaries on your cheeks?"

(Really? Silly me, I was so focused on my wrinkles and pigmentation, but now I can add another worry to the list!)

3. "Your right eye has a lot more dark circles and lines than your left eye." 

(Must be that damn eye patch I wear all day.)

I get that they are trying to sell you something - both repeat appointments and skincare products. But really, which two statements below would make you more likely to part with your hard-earned cash?

1. "Great to see you, I love what you're wearing and your skin is really looking good."

2. "Hmm, we really need to do something about your dark circles/hideous acne/sagging wrinkles."

Flattery and niceness gets you everywhere ladies! 

PS. That scary skin-analyser machine that shows every milligram of ultraviolet radiation that has touched my face since birth? I'll pass.