An open letter to fancy beauty salons

Last updated 06:01 02/07/2014

ZIP IT: Dear posh beauty salon, I'm here to relax, not to hear how my skin is reminiscent of Magda in There's Something About Mary.

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When I've put aside the time and money to go and have a facial, it's a cherished treat. I want to lie back, luxuriate in it, and leave feeling blissed-out and happy.

OPINION: What I don't want is to feel scrutinised and critiqued thanks to the newly discovered skin 'flaws' you often seem intent on pointing out. That makes me feel nothing but depressed.

Look, I understand I don't have perfect skin. But unless I bring up the topic myself, it's rude to point out other people's less-than-perfect points.

This should not be a demeaning, Nip/Tuck "tell me what you don't like about yourself" session.

Some things I've been told by facialists (that I really did not need to hear):

1. "Oh, do you go out in the sun a lot"? 

(Yes, I model myself after Magda in There's Something About Mary.)

2. "Did you know you have a lot of broken capillaries on your cheeks?"

(Really? Silly me, I was so focused on my wrinkles and pigmentation, but now I can add another worry to the list!)

3. "Your right eye has a lot more dark circles and lines than your left eye." 

(Must be that damn eye patch I wear all day.)

I get that they are trying to sell you something - both repeat appointments and skincare products. But really, which two statements below would make you more likely to part with your hard-earned cash?

1. "Great to see you, I love what you're wearing and your skin is really looking good."

2. "Hmm, we really need to do something about your dark circles/hideous acne/sagging wrinkles."

Flattery and niceness gets you everywhere ladies! 

PS. That scary skin-analyser machine that shows every milligram of ultraviolet radiation that has touched my face since birth? I'll pass. 

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- Stuff


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