Are We There Yet?

THAT'S MY CAT! The one that is "wider" than Merrick... my Sumo Saffy! Originally fron NZ, I took her with me when I moved to Switzerland, but she actually lives now in France with my parents-in-law! How cool you got her photo, she is almost 13yrs, yes she's overweight, but regular check-ups deem her to be healthy & when she wants she really is quick as a flash! Chill people, MEOW!

Erm I am a little dodgey in that I go to the loo with my friends usually to pass on the good stuff...... Sometimes we do discuss boys too

Good on you Donnelle for speaking out about PND. I suffered from it after having my first baby but it took me about 6 months to do anything about it and then I finally went to the doctor and got antidepressants and sought counseling. After my second baby, I was much better but I just don't cope with the constant tiredness, isolation and lack of control so I went back on antidepressants quick smart, although only needed them for a few months this time.

Just after I had my second baby my good friend gave birth to her second baby - she was so strung out even on the day of the birth I was really frightened for her. I tried to talk to her after witnessing a massive melt-down where she was literally screaming and thew her toddler down on the bed in-front of a group of friends and just lost it. I had to call her husband at work and get him to come home she was in such a state. Unfortunately she refused to see there was an issue and carried on in this vain with her toddler and new baby for the next six months until she went back to work. It was soul destroying to watch it, to watch not only her loosing control completely but the consequences for the two children (not to mention her husband). She is fine now but for some reason didn't want to admit there was a problem again I guess for feeling like a failure, embarrassment and just the supposed stigma attached to the word depression.

It's funny how even though we have come a long way in the last 10 or so years in dealing with/talking about depression in reality it is still seen as some kind of weakness within a person. It's not, and I really wish more people like all of you would talk to your friends and families about how you feel because covering it up helps no-one. It's debilitating to suffer from, it takes the joy out of becoming a mother, which is really sad as those precious years are gone so quickly. It's symptoms can be very different so don't think it's just about wanting to harm yourself or your baby. For me it was neither of those ever, but I became completely obsessed with thinking I had some kind of terminal illness and I was going to die, I was literally going to the doctor every week for something - oddly enough they didn't even pick up the PND. I also suffered from panic attacks if I was on my own.

I urge people to seek help quickly and don't be afraid to talk about it, you'll be surprised how many other people will admit to having it or who also felt like that after they gave birth. It's easily sorted and most doctors are very empathetic about it.

Also don't think just because you had it with one baby you'll get it with the next as well as being hormones it can also be about circumstances at the time and what's the worst that can happen even if it does re-occur, you simply go to the doctor and get on the road to recovery whether that be with anti-depressants, counseling or a combination of the two. Be strong!

My mother had the same kind of hideous PND with me. She says the Plunket nurse saved her life, and mine. The nurse would come along and just "take the baby away." For a while mum didn't even mind where I went, just that I went. She says she felt guilty about that for years.

@ Scared #6 and Anna #10 - I'm a new mum, our wee boy is now 16 weeks. I've suffered from depression to varying degrees for the last ten years. I was absolutely terrified of what would happen to me after the birth, and was dreading it. The pregnancy wasn't fun, and I was really worried. My partner and I had talked about it at length so we were both as prepared as we could be for whatever happened.

As it turns out - so far so good. In fact, this has been one of the happiest times of my life, and I don't feel like I'm anywhere near that dark hole. There's definitely been hard times and challenges, but it's been different from depression.

One theory I have about this is that I've suffered from depression, and I know some of what my triggers are and how to manage it if it does happen - so I've managed to avoid the situation so far completely. In addition to that, I had prepared myself for such a hellish time, and completely not coping at all, that the reality seems just such a dream in comparison.

My theory? - just because you've suffered depression before doesn't mean you'll end up with PND. But if you do, you may have a better chance of recognising it earlier, and asking for help sooner.

Good luck! :)