My wife blogged about her lovers and left

Last updated 05:00 16/09/2011

This week we share the story of "Broken", a father whose wife not only cheated but blogged about her male conquests online. Keep your problems coming to theagonys@stuff.co.nz - no dilemma is too big or small.

A year and a half ago I went through a messy marriage break-up. My wife of nearly 10 years left, leaving me with the kids, stating at the time that she felt "trapped" and wasn't happy.

I discovered after she had left that she had been (repeatedly) unfaithful, and only waited two days before finding someone else to keep her bed warm. She even started a blog detailing all the guys she was picking up, with meticulous detail.

Since then I have tried to move on, but deep inside I'm still hung up on the wench. She moved on so very fast but there is a part of me that still cares for her, even though she discarded me like a used tissue.

I've been depressed as hell, being a solo dad makes it hard to get out there and find someone, and the only time I've gotten close to someone it turned out that I was only being used to make someone else jealous.

I keep getting told "One day you will meet someone", but it never seems to happen.

I'm nearing giving up on trying to find love. I tried the usual dating sites, pubs and clubs but I'm not the most socially inclined person, it's really hard for me to talk to someone I don't know and I really don't trust easily anymore.

I've always tried to be a nice guy, but as it seems most women I encounter seem to prefer the jerks. Maybe I should take this path, even if it's not really me.

Broken

Uncle replies:

She's a skank mate. And a cyber skank to boot. Fancy blogging about her conquests, jeez.....

Firstly, kneel down before your bed, clasp your hands in front of your chest, look to the sky and then thank the good Lord above that you're rid of this woman.

Secondly, stop looking for love and just settle for a decent shag. That's not as hard to find and could always end up blossoming into something bigger, or even just another shag...

Thirdly, stop confusing those lingering feelings for anything other than habit. Fair enough - 10 years is a long time. But let's face it, you wouldn't have her back, if only because of the disease risk.

Lastly, please don't be depressed. You've got kids and a wench-free life to remain thankful for.

All the best.

Aunty replies:

You're depressed and I bet that is what's holding you back. However I'm struggling to understand why you still fancy getting back with her after all the cheating she has done. I think you should show some respect for yourself by moving on - you obviously don't have any for her anyway, referring to her as a "wench".

Yes, you've been heartbroken and disrespected and deserve to be angry, but you need to find a way to move on. Ignore Uncle's advice. Endless shagging isn't going to help you get over this. Your self-esteem is at rock bottom and you don't need the games.

I suggest you take it easy. Stop searching and do what you enjoy. Put yourself first for a change and let everything else take care of itself.

A happier you will help clear the path to love because you'll be radiating positivity and women will want to be around you - don't forget the man drought has also stacked the odds in your favour. 

- Tell us what you think by commenting below.

- © Fairfax NZ News

69 comments
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John   #1   06:52 am Sep 16 2011

It has only been 18 months. That is not 'never'. Findinf a partner ro a person to have a meaningful relationship with for a few years takes a while. if you are lookign for fun shags, they are easy to find. But love will come when it is ready, and probably not while you are clearly 'desperately seeking it' or hung up on past issues. You do not NEED to be in a relationship at all times.

james   #2   06:56 am Sep 16 2011

where can i find this blog lol?

Rikki   #3   07:11 am Sep 16 2011

ach you poor old fella!! Hard isnt it? A year and a half is a long time to still be caught up in the crap - unfortunatley you do have kids to her and you have to 'co-parent' Be thankful you have the kids and they arent being subjected to strangers in the house VERY DANGEROUS. Make sure you get child support too - Dont do the financials on your own. She needs to be responsible in some form. Now once the logical crap sorted - go to the doctors. It could be you need you need some professional help/medical boost. You've been through some big old crappy sitauations so dont be scared to seek help. Create your own little family with just you and the kids! Dont need and you dont want that influence in your life - become strong in yourself and appreciate what you have (not what you have 'lost') Sending lots of fuzzies your way!!!!

petal   #4   07:15 am Sep 16 2011

Awwww, I don't know about that Aunty. A good roll in the hay tends to lift one's spirits a bit and may lead to something more. Don't forget, every one you turn down is one you don't get.

FlukeArtist   #5   07:27 am Sep 16 2011

Broken, Stay strong and stay away from the ex. The old saying is true; A leopard never changes it's spots.

I hear you about the dating game too - it sucks.

Women seem to have these "prince charming-esque" list of characteristics they want in a man, yet they all seem to be attracted to, or chase guys that most other blokes can immediately spot as being absolute douche-bags. Maybe its just a problem with the typical Kiwi male's psyche in that we possibly don't approach women enough, and the only ones that do are these douche-bags. Chances are, its probably our (males) fault ;)

But chin up mate; there are heaps of good Kiwi women out there. You'll land on your feet. Just keep plugging away for your kids and things WILL fall into line.

Si   #6   07:33 am Sep 16 2011

I am going through a break up too - For completely different reasons!!!

Broken, I completely understand, commiserate and support you!! It's the toughest thing, I've ever had to go through - As I too, love/d her deeply.

What worked for me, was taking one day at a time. When I could "cope", I let myself feel the emotions, switching off, when they were too much (horrible, but has to be done).

I was able to look at the relationship with brutal honesty - And realised that there actually wasn't much, that I really wanted/needed (despite what my feelings told me!!).

Don't get me worng, I'm not there yet (maybe never??). But as I made that "shift" in thinking (in my heart), I started to attract other women (the type I really wanted, as per my personal analysis). And they came from all sources - You don't have to use the internet, pubs, cluns, classes etc.

What I ahve learnt, which is important, is being "honest" to yourself (you will not be alone for ever. Or if you are, it is "best" for you). And, "it" will happen, when the time is right, and normally, when you least expect it!!

Stay strong, and think "positive", my friend!!!

Once Broken, Now Repairng.

me   #7   07:45 am Sep 16 2011

I am with Uncle....try not to take things so seriously, although its hard when you are depressed. Go out with your mates every now and again, have a few drinks and see if you can chat up some lass at the bar.

John   #8   07:58 am Sep 16 2011

Yeah, you sound like you've got 'desperate' tattooed on your forehead - the only women who'll respond positively to that you probably shouldn't have anything to do with anyway. Been there done that you might say, but once I got my issues (different from yours) sorted out and decided 'eff it, I don't need no sheila' things sorted themselves out. Getting your end away is not a bad idea, but you're probably better off taking time out for a bit and focusing on your kids - make the most of them as they grow up pretty quick. As the lady says, the odds are pretty good for blokes so you don't need to hurry.

Emma   #9   08:07 am Sep 16 2011

Aunty's right. Concentrate on getting your life in shape on your own; don't try to force a new relationship just to fill the gap your ex left behind.

You'll know you're ready to date again when you're happy on your own with the kids and don't need someone else to complete you.

Mark   #10   08:13 am Sep 16 2011

Uncle is bang (no pun intended) on the money - gotta get under them to get over them. All the best.


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