Where's my food, then?
BY NICK BARNETTHaving a pet means rhythm and ritual. The daily walk, the weekly grooming, the three-monthly worming, the yearly jabs... all are rituals. But the ritual you'll observe more often than any other - thousands of times in your pet's life - is that of feeding time.
It's different for every pet and in every household. Let me tell you how it goes in mine.
I'll start with our senior pet, Merrick the tabby. He's a wonderful cat, peaceful and charming, but when it comes to food, he's a complete clueless egg.
He spends much of his life writhing around the kitchen, looking up at me with tragic eyes and doing his little mmmm-mmmm purr-meow that means "feed me". He does it - get this - even when his bowl is almost full of delicious food.
Merrick forgets it, you see. I put the food down, he eats some, then forgets that the food is right in front of him and starts his tragic writhing mmmm-mmmms again.
I draw his attention to the food again by touching his bowl or gently steering him to it.
He starts eating excitedly again, forgets it again, and the ritual resumes.
Now my previous cat, Pierre, was a bit like this; not forgetful, but a picky, grazing eater who'd take a mouthful here and there and eventually empty the bowl over the course of a morning.
But Pierre was my sole pet at that time. There was no competition - the food would be there whenever he returned.
By contrast, Merrick competes for his food with two rapacious and cunning dachshunds. Phoebe and Connor often sit attentively behind Merrick while he's feeding, in an opportunistic little thieving queue, waiting for their chance to dive in and wolf down what Merrick hasn't eaten.
The dogs have twigged to Merrick's inability to defend his food (they're not stupid), so now Merrick has to be fed when the dogs are contained somewhere else, or with lingering human supervision to ensure he gets the whole feed and the dogs don't wax fat on stolen grub.
Once fed, Merrick retires for a long wash and sleep. Only the introduction to the room of cheese or luncheon meat will rouse him during those sated, sleepy hours.
Not like the dogs, who are immediately aware of all foodstuffs being consumed anywhere in the house.
But at least the feeding of them is pretty straightforward. No dinner gong is required to summon them to the feeding place: they know all the sounds of fridge door, knife, bowls and so on, and come running.
And they're pretty well behaved - we insist on having the dogs quiet and still before placing the filled bowls on the floor, and they seem happy, for once, to comply.
I suppose "inhalation" is the word to describe their dining style. Followed by a frantic sniff of the room, including Merrick's bowl, to ensure they didn't miss a single neutrino of food.
Phoebe didn't use to be such a fast eater - but since Connor came along, she realises that all life is competition, red in tooth and claw, and if you don't eat it right now, then some avidly hungry rival dachshund will eat it for you.
What's feeding time like in your house? Any weird/dangerous/comical parts to the ritual?
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Two cats, both food hoovers. One is up for food 24/7 and makes frequent "this is a hint" visits to the room where she gets fed and makes loud pitiful starving noises there.
The other older cat has an internal clock that tells him when 6pm is nigh. He will turn up on my lap if I am using the computer and proceed to rub his face on my chin, then escalate to licking my nose should the face rub not result in him being fed.
We feed the two cats in different rooms because one cat is still young enough to be on kitten food. They inhale their own dinners, and then swap rooms to lick each others bowls clean.
My cat Polly has been carefully trained to eat every last bit of food in her bowl before she receives any more. We feed her dry cat food, and if there are any bits left she gets redirected to the bowl - usually I "reset" her by picking her up and placing her in front of the bowl. Sometimes she'll take the hint first time, put her head down and eat all the little bits before looking up for more. Sometimes she is more obstinant and avoids eating the little bits until it is clear we mean business.
We have to practically sit with our cat when she has her evening meal protecting her and her dinner from invisible mice and other greeblies. She wont eat her biscuits unless one or the other of us has run our hands through them.
Many the time she has conned me into giving her a second breakfast after her master has already feed her. This cat aint stupid!!
Gidday, Yep feeding time in our house is a mission. All felines. Molly (the eldest @ 9), has her food (special diet) on top of washing machine, morning and night. The babies Lucy (1), Roxy (almost 1) have theirs wherever I am, cos can't leave their food down all day otherwise Molly would eat it. Usually in office, cos I'm on computer...so they have their meals on the desk next to me...(morning and night)... They all chirp at me even after they've eaten, Molly tis usually for more food, Lucy is for either cuddles or I want something different...Roxy just to tell me she is around. I love it and them all. Would be a dull house without them...
Our cat has learnt bad habits. He has biscuits constantly available (next to his drinking fountain) and is fed his one can a day of fancy feast at approximately 5.30pm (when I get home from work and he suddenly realises he is starving and lets the world know in a very vocal manner). Then after we finish our dinner he hangs around waiting for his nightly treat - either some of our food, or if we're eating something unsuitable, then a handful of cat treats. I'd rather he didn't beg for food the second people's knives and forks are put down on their plates but it's our own fault... I've tried to get the other half to not give him treats every time he goes into the kitchen as I'd prefer to not have him under my feet the whole time but alas, he's a soft touch. And the cat's spoilt rotten.
My cat sleeps happily on my feet until 6.40am rolls around and I move to get up. With a thud onto the ground, she maneuvers herself around my legs getting in the way with every step. Impatiently she waits for me to make my way to the kitchen (eyes usually still closed) bobbing and weaving in front of me which I inevitably trip over on the way. She peers up at me with expectant eyes to her food container above the fridge. A few peeps escape from her as she confirms that yes, this is what she was after. I pour her ration and she ravenously eats (even if there is leftovers from yesterday) as if she has not for weeks. I carry on with the rest of my morning 'getting ready' ritual and she appears again after taking a trip outside looking expectantly at me as I get my breakfast ready. I give her a little taste of marmite toast and then point her back to her bowl where I show that yes, she still has some food leftover. She happily accepts the marmite and sets about eating more of her food. Then she jumps back on the bed and waits for the next poor schmuck to wake up and try her luck at a second breakfast from my husband.
My inlaws' labrador and springer spaniel are complete vacuums. They can tell it's 5pm give or take 1-2 mins and will become incredibly agitated if the feeding schedule isn't adhered to exactly. When you bring out the food they both bounce up and down and the labrador usually manages to coat any jandals etc that are in his way with a thick film of saliva. Once the food is down they eat with a quick stabbing motion and generally finish within 15 seconds! The labrador then looks depressed when he realises that he won't be fed again for 12 hours :)
Two cats. For one chicken is his Kryptonite. He goes beserk for it. Has to be shut outside for an hour.
The other one would hardly eat, and then only biscuits. It took an embarrasingly long time to realise that we were putting the meat in the other cats bowl - and because of that cat number two was not eating it. Now we put meat in the biscuits bowl and the meat bowl and biscuits in the other biscuit bowl and they both eat happily (does that make sense?)
Both cats have a perfect time sense though. Dinner time is announced 30 minutes early. They noisy one gets sent to remind us, loudly and then they both wait by their food bowls until someone moves to the kitchen. Breakfast is announced by a claw in the face at 5.45 am. We don't need an alarm clock.
Our little British has us well and truly conned, does the walk off then look back to make sure you're following - takes us all around the house and then ends up at the food bowl! Thinks she has us fooled and she just wanted a walk! She is such a glutton that as soon as I've fed her in the morning she tells hubby she is STARVING! Other cat just grazes and doesn't seem particularly interested but we have to try and keep the british off his food!
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My dogs are slow eaters. Never bothering to get up in the morning when it is put down for them, and they will just much through the day.
One of the lizards throws himself up against the tank wall if KFC is bought into the house, and the other gives me a "please feed me bugs" look everytime I walk past her.
The only chaos is when I leave for work and the dogs insist on a Schmacko each. My dogs really do go wacko for schmackos...