She's more your pet, he's more mine
BY NICK BARNETTMy partner asked me something about our dogs the other day. "Do you think Phoebe is more your dog, and Connor is more mine?"
Good question. It made me pause. I think a lot of people must ask the same kind of question about their pets' affections and loyalties.
Sometimes, a pet does attach itself just a little more fondly to one family member than to others. A lot of the time it'll be the family member who's most affectionate, or most often present, or the one who does most of the feeding.
That makes sense - that's a matter of the pet making a self-interested decision, I suppose.
But I wonder if, sometimes, pets bond with someone because that person is a "kindred spirit" or some kind. Do you think so?
I mean, an active, athletic dog bonding with an active, athletic person; or an introverted cat attaching itself to an introverted human, and so on.
Or do pets just naturally stick to humans who are animal lovers, avoiding those who are cool to them?
Which would make things predictable in a coupled household where one partner is an animal lover and one isn't: the animal lover and the pets will bond with each other and keep out of the way of the non-animal-lover, to everyone's convenience.
I wonder if that actually happens - because I haven't been in that situation.
In my household, my partner and I are both animal lovers. We're both men of similar height and colouring, and in dim light have even been taken for brothers. But we're different people, and our pets do seem to treat us differently.
With me, the dogs are generally quiet, sleepy, affectionate. With my partner, they're more often demanding and contentious.
Part of this might be our different natures but I think part of the difference grows out of our roles.
I'm at home with the dogs most of the day, as I work from home. I'm the one present when the dogs and cat sleep, and if I head out somewhere, the dogs usually watch me go without a murmur.
But when my partner arrives home in the late afternoon, the formula is all changed. The dogs look to him for action, they become alert and jumpy and barky. If he goes out, or if we go out together, the dogs often whine.
But the time my partner arrives home is also the part of day when they get an extra play, are fed their dinner, and are taken out for a walk.
So I think the dogs associate my partner with fun stuff, and me with - I don't know, plain stuff? What a gratifying thought. Soon they'll be calling me "mum".
And I think there is some truth in the idea that Phoebe is more my dog, and Connor more my partner's. Phoebe is more peaceful with me, more submissive, less lippy; maybe this stems from the fact that her puppyhood was spent at home, with me around most of the time.
Connor pays better attention to my partner than to me, and if given a choice of laps will usually shun mine. My guess is that if you stood us two humans at each end of a park, eight times out of ten Connor would run to my partner.
Not that I'm jealous. The dogs are clearly besotted with both of us; just in different ways. It's a reminder that every dog has a character no less distinct than a person's, and is able to form a range of close relationships with humans.
Which leaves Merrick, the cat. Does he treat us differently? Not that I can work out. To him, we're both ambulatory mattresses with a tickling attachment and inbuilt feeding function. He can certainly tell us apart, though: when one of us has fed him, Merrick will always go and seek out the other and put on his I'm-starving face.
One thing about cats: they always know who fed them last. And they don't much mind who it was.
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Oh yes, the dog I got with my ex was definitely my special girl, right from when she was a new-born and we were visiting the litter to choose which puppy we would eventually take home. There was just some sort of invisible and immediate bond and there was no way I was taking any other of the (also lovely) puppies over my girl.
Of course this just made it all the more hard when my ex and I broke up and he kept the dog (he can take her to work with him while I'm not even allowed pets where I live now).
The previous three (2 dogs, one cat) were dad's girls, which used to annoy me a bit. The new four (two of each) are mine! :) Like you I was working at home a lot during their first year. The new cats refuse to sit in his lap the same way the old one refused to sit on mine. The dogs whine and carry on if I leave the section without them, and don't flinch if he leaves. All of them have always bossed him around at feeding time (or an hour or so ahead of feeding time), but they let me feed them when I'm ready. Our more sedate dog seems to love her show handler even more than us, and goes all silly when she sees her.
I would say that Macavity is more my cat than my husband's, but he's quite a vocal, demonstrative cat and i talk back to him and give him the smooches he wants. However i have grown up with cats and this is my husband's first long-term association with furry friends, so naturally he's a bit 'cooler' towards them. But he's learning and definitely becoming a 'cat person'! :)
we have two cats both sisters in the same age - i think their bond with is 50-50 haha... in the evenings when we're sitting in the lounge watching TV, the black one tends to sit with hubby - refuses to sit with me, and the grey one sits with me and refuses to sit with hubby. When we're in bed this situation is reversed - the black one will always sleep with me or snuggle in with me - never with hubby - grey one always snuggles with hubby and never with me. Guess its their own way of sharing their affection lol. If hubby is busy outside, the black cat will hang out with him, while the grey one will hang out with me inside the house quietly - the grey one is a quieter more relaxed cat whereas the black one is full of get up and go
While our two dogs give us equal love, attention and hype, the (very male) pug idolises my (very male) partner. They play rough, and my partner seems to command more respect than I (who they come to for treats, etc). I had a winning moment when our pug was a pup, and we'd had a looong day at the beach. He curled up in my lap and refused to move, wouldn't even lift his head for his dad.. So cute!
In my house we have two pets. Lui, a Samoyed dog, and Mila, our DSH cat. Whilst they were intended as family pets when we got them (in 2000 and 2008) they definitely have been claimed and bonded with people. Mila is definitely Mum's. She cuddles with Mum, sleeps on her lap and is always smoochy with her. But with everyone else it's very different. With Lui, he's mine. I'm the one who feeds, walks, grooms, drugs (worming etc) and vets. He loves everyone, he's such a sweet and friendly dog, but me and him have a really close bond and he always looks to me when I talk or to see if we're about to go for a walk.
When I broke up with my ex, I slept on the floor for 6 weeks. "Our" greyhound chose to sleep with me on the floor rather than with her on the bed. Even though she was the one making cheesy spag bol for him.
Had 4 dogs but my husband and I recently split. Everyone was asking what we were going to do with the dogs, would we time-share or what? We split the family - he took the two dogs that were 'his' dogs and I took the two that were 'mine'. We defined them this way due to their completely obvious preference for us. I'm not an athletic, energetic person (at all) and I got the two blue heelers who absolutely adore me (the boy especially, even though he was meant to be my husbands dog) and he got the lab and spoodle (the latter was supposed to be my dog but my gosh if hubby went out of sight EVERYONE knew about it - he'd cry and sit next to the door til he came home). As he worked from home and I didn't they were also used to me coming and going and didn't worry them too much but 'his' two dogs would get very upset if he left, even just down to the store. It was uncanny.
We adopted Jack at 4 months old and he has been more attached to me since the day we got him. he's my shadow. I cant even go to the loo or take a shower without him following me in..He would until recently only go outside if I did or if my partner took him out.. But Willow came to us younger. She is 10 weeks old and seems evenly attached so far. My partner however is completely besotted with her and while he loves Jack he adores Willow. The only thing she does with me that she doesn't with him is that she wakes me up with kisses in the morning, especially on the weekends when I dont set my alarm clock. I do 99% of the feeding as I keep the most regular hours. Out cats are outraged by the dogs and have chosen to withhold most of their affection..:-)
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Animals are picky people. Our male dogs sleeps with Mum and our female cat sleeps with Dad - fair enough. But why will the female cat not come to me (Mum) for fussing - I am good enough to feed her but cuddles, Oh no!