The four-legged Olympics
Welcome to coverage of the Pet Games, a dazzling event featuring cute animals, breathtaking feats of athletic prowess, and super-slo-mo high-definition puns. We promise there'll be no ad breaks, though it might be necessary for officials to interrupt competition in order to pick up poo.
Maggie is a long-distance specialist, namely the 200 Metres Lollop for Terriers.
McKenzie, Maggie's main rival in that event, was seen warming up this morning. Meanwhile, in the Modern Pigtathlon, Piggy Muldoon took gold after a strong finish in the final event, Crying Wee Wee All the Way Home. He needed to do well, after losing many valuable points in the Not Having Roast Beef section of the event.
Crossing now to the swimming, some competitors turned out early to check preparations at the aquatic centre.
Echo and Annie were in a close finish in the pool, with Echo winning by a whisker.
In rhythmic gymnastics, Micci started as the competitor to beat...
...then Cloud took the lead. Nobody knew how to catch, much less pin down, Cloud.
Coco raised the bar with a reflection-chasing routine. Dymka, even at full stretch, couldn't match that flair.
Eventually, the gold medal was awarded to the cat-shaped blur where Inle used to be.
Artistic gymnastics now, and flawless performances were seen in the floor exercise from Maddie and Riley...
...but the day brought disappointment for some competitors.
On the horizontal bar, Amber was supreme...
Marshall gained points for interpretation, but was eliminated in a rules scandal after making performance-enhancing goo-goo eyes at a judge.
Winner on the balance beam was Mirabelle, who executed the Latynina Sprawl with its degree of difficulty of not-very-much-point-two-five.
Two South Korean competitors staged a sit-in after a timekeeping controversy.
We now cross to Nitro and Poppy, on the rings.
Flash roared through the steeplechase.
In wrestling, Pequeno and Tigre were locked in a struggle of such frightening intensity that several spectators required medical assistance.
Meanwhile, Mila and Pearl gave no quarter in their match. (A recent rule change permitting the licking of a rival's ear was contentious, but the sport's governing body decided that it was in the Graeco-Roman spirit.)
In weightlifting, the German favourite failed to manage a legal lift, so went for a lie-down instead.
Synchronised bag-occupying failed to take off.
As always, New Zealand's equestrians rose to the occasion. We can always rely on them.
But what a medal-hungry nation is really waiting for is the introduction of Sevens at the Olympics. Gold, easy.
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