A lot of people, and I'm one of them, believe that the perfect number of pets is two. That is, two is the ideal number of pets of any one species - two cats, two dogs, two guinea pigs, two budgies. Two is right for friendship, exercise, grooming, manageable fun, even cuteness. But as with couples of any kind, there's an inbuilt time-bomb.
One of the two will die first, and one will be left behind. For the pet that survives, years of companionship is suddenly replaced by inexplicable loss and loneliness, and it can be hard for us humans to witness it. What can we do about it? Should we get our pet a new companion, and start the cycle again, or wait for the bereaved animal to regain its resilience and learn to live without its friend?
Seven years ago, my partner and I visited a pet shop and fell in love with a pair of dwarf rabbits in a crate on the floor. They were tiny and dazzlingly cute, one black and smooth and the other fluffy and grey. As we bent to get a closer look, they stood up on their back legs and craned their necks to reciprocate. We bought the rabbits, two sisters, on the spot and took them home. We named them Dusk and Nugget.
After a while they were joined by a third rabbit, Hef, whose story I've told before. Hef was a shabby old guy with poor manners when it came to females, but soon the girls' grooming had him looking smooth, and castration improved his manners. Hef died after a few comfortable, companionable years, leaving the sisters by themselves again.
Then last Thursday night, Dusk seemed weak but was still moving round her run.
In the morning, her dead grey-furred body lay in the run with Nugget sitting next to it. Next day, I took Dusk to the local vet for cremation.
So Nugget's now alone, rattling around in a luxurious new hutch built for two, and it's impossible to tell what, if anything, she's thinking or feeling. She must know her sister is gone; every day must seem a strange experience with all the old routines gone.
My partner and I also have a pair of dogs. Phoebe and Connor are almost the same age, almost the same size, and they've lived most of their lives together. They're rarely out of each other's company, and are great friends and playmates and packmates. But one day that time bomb will go off.
Lots of pet owners have faced that situation. I know of some who have adopted a new pet that soon bonded with the bereaved one, creating a new perfect number. But sometimes the bonding takes a long time, and sometimes it doesn't happen - who ordained, after all, that two creatures of the same species must always get on together?
And is it a good idea to adopt a younger pet to be companion to an elderly one?
I suppose it comes down to the question, do you take the step of making a connection knowing that one day it'll end? If the answer for you is always "no", then I suppose you'll never get a pet. Or fall in love or marry, for that matter.
What would you do? What have your experiences been when that time-bomb goes off?
And it's another of those unanswerable questions: does a pet remember its companion - at all, for long, or forever? I've read about animals in the wild that show an awareness of death and kinds of ritual behaviour. Here's a clip showing elephants encountering the remains of another elephant, and strangely altering their behaviour:
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Absolutely adopt another! There are loads of grown pets in animal shelters and it's all about how one introduces them to another and smells plays a key part.
One excellent tip I got was: 1) keep the new animal in a quiet place of the house until they are calm with smelly clothes of the new owners and a toy of the current pet, 2)Over a period of 1-3 days (before introductions), rub a damp cloth over the animal that is already in the home, then rub the new animal with it and so on until there is a transfer of smells, 3) introduce in a neutral space, sometimes separated by screens at first, and allow a few scuffles to ensue but keep an eye out for any dangerous bites.
All group animals love company.
We had to have one of our cats put down. He was one of four kittens that were born in our spare room and we adopted the entire litter. He was 4 and half when we had to make that tragic but necessary decision. We bought his body home and showed it to his brother and sisiters, We explained that he had crossed the Rainbow Bridge and they would one day be reunited with him. They all sniffed the body and then with obivious confusion tried to paw him awake. The three of them touched noses then each of them in turn touched his nose with theirs. Over the next few days we would catch them looking for him, curling up on his favourite sleep places but none of them played with "his toys" or attempted to use his litter tray. We left the toys in the toy basket but got rid of the litter tray and his food bowl. It has been two years since we lost him and I was cleaning out a basket from behind the TV and came across one of HIS TOYS. Not thinking I threw it in th toy pile. One of the girls found it, sniffed at it and then gave a most paculiar cry, it was one I hadn't heard for a while, she was calling for him, "Hey I found your bunny toy" the others came in and they sniffed the house out and kept coming to me to open cupboards and doors etc. They were looking for him. They remembered their brother. I had all three sad furries curled up with me that night. They were seeking comfort from their "mum" So yes they grieve, have seen it with cows and mares whose calves or foals have died and so too do my fur babies.
Animals definitely grieve, our dog was a mess when our cat died they had been together for 7 years and were best friends, they slept on the same bed at night, were always playing and always hung out together. When our cat died the dog was sad very sad, she cried when running around the house looking for him and then her behaviour changed, she was diagnosed with separation anxiety after she started barking and crying all day and eating herself raw till she bled. She was put on medication and is doing ok for now.
Sorry for your loss....
In our case we have three rabbits (all female) that have been purchased over time with about a 2-3 year gap between each. Luckily the number 3 gives us the advantage that the inevitable loss of 1, will leave us with a bonded pair. Though that will it only delay the inevitable drop to a single rabbit, so I expect when we drop to 2, we will look to begin reintroducing a third.
I can imagine it will be very hard for Nugget, given just how social rabbits are, I know ours once bonded became all so much happier than they were seperately.
Its not only other pets they miss. My partner died of cancer two months ago and the cat still goes looking for her "Dad Dad" Any open cupboard or drawer is a likely possibility of where he is hiding.
Sorry to hear of the loss of Dusk. We too believe in having 2 of a species. We had 2 dogs from pups, a brother and sister, and lost the sister to cancer last year at the age of 11.We regretted not having him in the vet room when she was put down. Seeing our Boy look for her and not settle was horrible. We actually drove to the cremation place a few hours away to take him to see her body before cremation and was amazing to see him 'get' it. The owner of the cremated place was great, she let us meet at her house with our Girl. Our Boy sniffed the bodybag first and took some time before he sniffed her (she was frozen), and then softly cried. The lady at the cremation place told us that he knows now so she put our Girl back in the body bag and my partner helped load her in the back of her car, and Boy jumped straight in after her! After that he was very quiet and moped around, so a week later we bought a puppy. He didn't like her at first but it sure took his mind off being depressed. Soon he warmed to her and they got on great. She had him playing with toys and acting like a puppy again! Now our old Boy @ 12 yrs old is tiring, has arthritis and doesn't have the eyes and ears he used to so he has stepped back and let our young one be top dog and look after everything!
They sure do grieve :-( When my 3yo fluffy boy was run over his sister (and litter mate) spent a month crying and looking for him. She became very clingy and meowy with us :-( A month later and we adopted another fluffy brother for her and they became best of friends :-)
Sorry to hear about Dusk - I think another rabbit is a great idea, but introduce them slowly! Dogs (and other animals) DO remember... Our old family dog, was re-homed with her favorite pet sitters when my family all moved to Aussie for a period. After 2 years, I returned to NZ for a holiday, and went to visit. At first she barked her 'you're a stranger bark', but when I called her name, she stopped, looked, sniffed, then went into overdrive as she recognised me, it was an awesome moment! (and made me cry in a good way) My 2 dogs are funny, we will sometimes take them out for 'alone' walks - so they get used to socialising with other dogs. Whichever dog is left at home gets agitated trying to find the friend, and won't truly relax until friend dog is returned. They are a similar age, so hopefully we don't have to have to long of seperation when the time comes.
@ Kaytee #6 - so sorry for you.
When my mumm passed away 5 years ago, we had her home for a couple of nights in an open casket - and both the dog and the two cats slept with her. Dog on the floor - the two cats in the casket on their "mum". We recently said good-bye to our 3 yr old fluffy cat - and the Ginja Ninja has changed - far more talkative and around you all the time. The pooch knows that fluffy is now in the box on the mantle (next to another fur baby and pooch).
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So sad when one of a couple dies. Sometimes the remaining one spends days looking for the other one and becomes quiet and listless. Other times, they appear not to notice at all! One of my cats was killed by a car at just 9 months of age. As I brought her body in and laid her on the carpet to have a look at her and stroke her, her brother calmly stepped over her on his way out to the garden - not a sideways glance!