Dieting and dating: Never the twain shall mix?
For the last 20 minutes I've been sitting here in front of my computer muttering to myself "this is a diet blog, not a dating one". But the thing is, once you start on your relationship with anything or anyone - be it your partner, your child, great aunty Nora or that burger you've had your eye on all week - other relationships are bound to be affected.
I found when I lost weight last time that I was suddenly visible to a whole group of people (well, men) who I don't think had ever noticed me before. Along the way I learned to dress better for my shape, got what I hope is a little bit of style, and discovered my inner confidence. I did struggle to cope with the extra attention, not because I didn't love it, but because I just wasn't used to it, and after being married for AGES it was an amazing thing to experience, and an absolute boost to how I saw myself.
I've never gone out with guys who tend towards the curvier of the women's form. In fact the guys I tend to go out with have one big thing in common - they don't have a physical type. They go for a particular glint in the eye (or so they tell me). Which is good, because then I'm not going to worry if my size decreases in front of their eyes. I have friends who are with men who like their bottoms big (or tiny) and are very vocal about getting their partners to stay a certain way, be it big or small. It just sounds really stressful to me.
I used to be a bit of a dating-a-holic. I think I may have even written a book while I was going through it all, started a dating blog and done a few other things. But for the last year I've been pretty frugal with the dates, deciding instead to really enjoy having some time to me. It's been awesome actually. I've done things I only ever saw myself doing as part of a couple, and realised I enjoy spending time with myself. I'm kinda fun (most of the time!)
Since taking the break, and more recently losing some of this weight, I'm starting to feel I'm ready again. However, dating while trying to lose weight just seems so problematic.
It's not the eating out part - I'm great at fitting my diet to the place, as long as it's not Domino's before a big night at the pub (not really my style) - and anyway, the guys I tend to be interested in are more into eating food straight from the farmer's market, the fresher the better, so that's okay.
It's not that I don't feel good about myself now. I do. I don't freak out when I look in the mirror and I feel comfortable in my own skin. I like the fact my body works - it's strong, it's working, it's able to move how I want it. I've sat next to some of the most beautiful women hearing them talk about how much they hate their bodies- that's not an issue with me.
It IS a little about the drinking (or lack of it) - the pub culture here isn't so fun when all you've got in your hands is a soda and lime, and the flirting doesn't flow so unconsciously. You're far less likely to go take a risk that turns into something more. I tend to think of that as playing Russian roulette with your sexual health, so probably best avoided anyway. (As an aside, Doctor Oz talks about how having a healthy sex life is key to losing weight. However, he also makes it clear he's talking about trying to stick to one partner if you want to see the benefits of that.)
So what's holding me back besides the fact it's hard to meet a guy without a few drinks sorted first? It's more that you're on this journey, and they aren't. And with that, and work, and kids and everything else, could it be best to wait till you get to the finish line? Is it just best to put dating back on the shelf with the peppermint chocolate? Or is it kind of awesome to find someone who you know loves and accepts the person you are now, and the person you've yet to become?
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After having lost 8kgs recently, I am feeling more in control of my life, and that apparently has made me happier and more confident so that Ive met someone. And he constantly tells me that he finds all of me attractive, but is also very supportive of whatever goals I want to achieve, such as losing weight (I still have a lot to lose...). And he goes on long walks with me and we cook healthy meals together and stuff. So it can work if you find the right person :)
I don't think it's at all necessary to wait until you reach the finish line. Wouldn't it be nice to go for Sunday strolls with a new man who embraces your journey? Who encourages and supports you... All those wonderful things will probably not come all at once from the first guy that you meet but I think it is worth waiting for. It also might be worth trying to think of date ideas or meeting places that dont involve lots of drinking. Doing something fun can usually break the ice pretty quickly
What do you mean "And with that, and work, and kids and everything else, could it be best to wait till you get to the finish line?" What finish line? Is there ever a time when every thing in the garden is perfect? Losing weight is supposed to be a "lifestyle thing" not something that you start and stop. And believe me, when you get to your goal weight you discover that just staying there can be harder than losing weight (sorry to be depressing).
Life is what is happening while you are making plans. (I think that was John Lennon or someone).
That whittakers dark peppermint is the best! Its so rich I only need 2 squares to satisfy the chocolate craving too!
There is no 'finish line.'
Exercise and changed eating habits are forever.
So if you can't fit tall handsome strangers into your life now, well...
:-)
I know of a couple who met at weight watchers meetings.
Hi Rachel,
Im really enjoying your blog. I just joined fat secret. What is your user name? I would like to add you
Cheers
If I ever become single again, I definitely won't get a girlfriend before reaching goal weight. People can be insecure dating someone who is losing weight.
@south islander #4 I don't think maintaining is harder than losing weight. I certainly don't remember it being that way.
Perhaps try not to think of it as dating? Approach this with the aim of making new friends either with the guy themselves, or friends of theirs. Whatever happens, happens - but you wont be putting too much pressure on yourself (or him).
Dont make being your goal weight the starting pistol to living your life. If you are anything like me, then you will always be maintaining or improving your body (when I'm at goal I'll start focussing on getting my lean muscle percentage up and training for longer running distance). So in a sense the journey never ends. As long as you have a healthy focus on your priorities, there is no reason why you cant ramp up other aspects of your life. I've had enough of sitting on the sidelines, existing rather than living. As such I feel qualified to say "just do it". If you love yourself and the life you have, people will naturally gravitate towards you.
Enjoy it.