Feeling good fights the fat
BY RACHEL GOODCHILDIt's easy to get caught in a vicious cycle once you find yourself overweight (and sometimes I think it can be a sudden shock to the system).
We can get in a place where we avoid taking a good look in the mirror. We avert our eyes to the tightening waistbands, we stop noticing that seats are a little less roomy than they once were, until one day we catch a sight of ourselves in a shop window refleciton, think "who is that suspersized weirdo over there" and realise with a shock it's us, though we hardly recognise that person anymore.
There is a link between obesity and depression but the question is are fat people more likely to be depressed, or did the depression cause the obesity in someone? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I think it's a mix of both. You feel low, grab comfort food, put on a bit of weight and then you're feeling bad about the increase in size. At this point you have two options: stop, and lose, or stuff those bad feelings away with another series of comfort food binges. And while some people move into full-blown depression, many of us flit into this place of low moods and a depressive state without getting any deeper.
I think I've been there before. I don't think I'm there anymore.
I've discovered my range of emotions in the last few years (probably much to the regret of my children and a few very patient ex-boyfriends who had to bear the brunt of my self education) and I'm much better at identifying what I'm feeling and then finding better solutions than food to feed the emotion.
I will grab a walk, listen to some gut wrenching music (The soundtrack Once is the perfect accompaniment for my tears I've found) or chat to a friend. None of this needs food, and in fact reduces the need in me to crave.
I've been thinking of another huge difference to me that other people can do which doesn't cost a thing.
In the last few years I've had some incredibly influential people in my life really build me up; recognising something in me that maybe I couldn't see and then telling me it was there.
My family are right up there in doing that, as are some awesome colleagues, and friends. Each compliment, each recognition chips away at some of the historic baggage I'm carrying on my body and gets me closer to seeing the weight drop off.
I've not been weighing myself the last month because I found I was getting anxious about plateaus and timing. However I put on a dress yesterday that I hadn't tried on for a little while and it felt good on - the last time I tried it it felt tight: I'm getting there.
Positive encouragement is one of the best things we can do for anyone who is struggling; whether it's with weight; with trying to kick smoking; or just unravel a few wee demons in our head.
Yesterday I walked my girls to school, and my 9-year-old was stopped by two lots of 15-year-olds, who told her they loved her tights (they were pretty cool floral ones).
My tall daughter grew a little taller by school time, and as I gave her a hug goodbye she said that she couldn't have asked for a better start to the day.
Affirming the best in people, even if it is just admiring a jacket, a hat or leggings is an awesome way to gently erode some of that depressive, emotional baggage we can carry.
I'd love to hear of any time you can remember someone saying something positive and what it meant to you. I know that some of the readers on this blog have certainly made my day from time to time too!
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Well said and a great reminder - well done you! Very helpful and insightful
Rachel - your blog has brightened what is otherwise a depressing (and very dreary day for me) so thanks!! I absolutely agree that positive affirmations (however minor) help to dissolve some of the negative thoughts that buzz around. It is amazing how a reassuring comment or compliment can make you lift your head (if only for a little while) and realise that actually you are doing okay.
Great blog. I think our NZ culture of being hard on ourselves makes it difficult to accept compliments from others. I remember winning a speech competition once and someone later asked me how I'd done and I replied "OK". When that person found out I'd actually won the competition she came back and said that is WAY better than doing OK, which kind of gave me permission to feel proud of my achievement.
jay #1 You don't need to compliment them on their looks. that's an easy one to do, but some deeper compliments are awesome to get too :)
I am in the process of getting to 100kg by December 5 to go skydiving (I've lost 40kg since Feb and have 15kg to go).
I have an extremely supportive group who encourage me (even over the last month, when I have been too ill to go the gym due to flu etc) and keep me motivated .... there are too many people who will be disappointed if I don't achieve, so I have to...the positive feedback I get is so amazing. I went to our annual ball a couple of weeks back and people who hadn't seen me for 6 months didn't recognise me, which gave me a huge ego boost and kept me smiling all night!
@kiwikat #6 - congrats, man that is an awesome acheivement! and a pretty awesome reward at the end too, skydiving is a primo idea!
KiwiKat #6 that is a fantastic achievement!!! You should be very proud of yourself! It is funny that people didn't recognize you. I heard a hilarious story once about a woman who lost a huge amount of weight. She went to her husband's annual work conference and got "cold shouldered" by other women whom she had socialized with the previous year. Finally she discovered that the other women thought her husband had dumped his wife and was having an affair with another woman. LOL!
Jay #1 - I would have to respectfully disagree.
If I've made an effort to make my hair look nice, or spent hours in the gym trying to create a healthy, toned body and somebody chooses to compliment me on these things; I think it is deserved as much as if the compliment was, for example, an artwork I have painted or meal I have cooked. When the compliments stop, it can actually be great motivation to drag your butt back to the gym!
Apologies Rachel - this is not a comment in the vein that you were after - except to compliment you on your taste in music. Am totally in agreement that Once is a completely brilliant work of music and funnily enough the music I choose to listen to the most when I'm out exercising. Not ashamed to say that when I have pushed myself up a pretty big hill on one of my regular walks to be rewarded with a stunning view of Wellington harbour, with Falling Slowly blasting through my MP3 (particularly the live version when they sing with a school choir), there is often a wee tear in my eye. Makes me feel great to be alive and great to have pushed myself up that hill yet again. Was lucky enough to see Glen and Marketa live in Wellington earlier this year - will not be forgetting that concert in a hurry.
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looks and weight shouldn't be reason for praise. it creates a sense of self-worth based on looks and shape and then what happens if you put on a few kgs and stop getting comments. isn't being a good person more important?