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Moata's Blog Idle

Moata Tamaira is a librarian with a black-belt in sarcasm who's been meaning to get one in procrastination too but always ends up watching TV instead. Her blog is an unholy mash-up of whimsy, cynicism and wry observation.

Downton guest stars and other foolishness

11:30am 17 May 2013

What did we ever do without the Internet? As infuriating as this place can sometimes be, it never fails to deliver all sorts of weirdies and wonderfuls to your eyeballs. And this week has been no different.

For one thing we learned that Angelina Jolie's natural born boobs are no more, after she penned an opinion piece on her decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. This prompted many people to go "whoa, that's pretty full-on", myself included. Unfortunately it also made a number of people go "there's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world, it would be a pity to damage yours", which is a reasonable enough thing to say to your one true love, but is a less legitimate opinion to have about the boobs of a perfect stranger. On the upside it did prompt someone to make this very pointed and clever cartoon about it. Internet people can be maddening but also very, very awesome.

Meanwhile, another story tangentially related to breasts, made it's presence known over on Blog Idle's Facebook page, when Kerry McSaveney asked why no one is paying any attention to the enormous-whale-monster-with-giant-udders air balloon that has been commissioned as part of Canberra's centenary celebrations? Having gazed upon a picture of said, er, "thing" I have to agree that this is a very good question. It's not every day you see something that looks like a cross between Admiral Ackbar and the women's shower room at Les Mills. I can only assume everyone involved is so traumatised by it that they've blocked it from their minds. Personally, I can't get it OUT of mine, but I'm weird like that, I guess.

Another thing that happened on the Internet this week but which blessedly has nothing to do with the chesticle region was that Sean Combs aka Diddy trolled everyone by claiming on Twitter that he was joining the cast of Downton Abbey. Downton fans everywhere swooned and upon waking questioned everything they knew to be true about the world that they live in. In truth, we were only being set up for a Funny or Die clip (warning - contains swears) where Diddy joins Downton with the help of some digital trickery. Well played, Diddy, well played.

A consequence of this little prank is that I have since been fantasising about who I'd love to see on an episode of Downton Abbey. So far I have -

Don't lick the asbestos

12:30pm 16 May 2013

Now that I am a ho-meow-ner, specifically a Christchurch one, I have the joy of not only paying rates and wondering things about insulation, I have also entered into a relationship of sorts with EQC.

Previously my only interaction with EQC has been in relation to three claims for damaged contents. Eventually I received cheques to pay for replacement wine glasses, crockery and furniture and though there were a few confused phone calls, and some lack of clarity about the process, for the most part this didn't have much of an effect on my life and it all got sorted out in the end. Indeed there have been many, many times during the past couple of years when I've been mightily glad not to be a ho-meow-ner.

But those days are no longer. When we bought our house we knew that it still hadn't had its earthquake repairs done. It would have been nice to move into a house that had already been fixed up but the reality is once you've narrowed down the available houses to what you can afford and then narrowed that further to what you can get a mortgage for (TC2 land or better only), adding an extra filter of "places that don't have any earthquake damage" pretty much leaves you attending open homes for garden sheds in Halswell.

I'm happy with the choice we made. I like our house and the damage is mainly cosmetic. It's not leaky or damp. Repairs would certainly involve colour charts (exciting!) but could be quite some way off. Or so we thought.

About a month ago we got a call from EQC organising a time for some buildery types to come around and inspect the house in anticipation of our repairs getting under way. This was all happening a good deal more quickly than we'd counted on, but hey, we're not going to argue.

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Think before you grope that gnome

12:45pm 14 May 2013

Giant shiny garden gnome At the weekend the Silver Fox and I, as a method of avoiding the state of the garden (we haven't bought a lawnmower yet), indulged in a little art appreciation. The Christchurch Art Gallery was celebrating its 10th anniversary with a whole bunch of outdoor art. This is actually something they've been doing for a while, what with their building needing significant repairs. Yes, we Christchurch folk are getting used to enjoying our art "al fresco".

We were particularly drawn to a pair of enormous chrome garden gnomes that stand stoically outside the art gallery, shining and gleaming like old-school Cylons (albeit with a less threatening attitude). They are most impressive and if you're in the area I recommend you check them out.

We approached with enthusiasm but minded the large red signs that asked people not to touch the artworks and reminded everyone that they were under "24 HOUR VIDEO SURVEILLANCE". Fair enough. I got close to one of them, noting with some interest that for the first time ever I could see my face reflected in a gnome's bum (tick that off the bucket list!), but made sure not to touch. As anyone who as ever owned any chrome kitchen appliances will know, that stuff attracts grubby marks like a freshly laundered white shirt attracts spaghetti sauce.

We took a few pictures and then stepped back to let others get a little gnome-time.

And of course most of them put their hands all over the art.

Six things that don't suck about winter

12:00pm 10 May 2013

So it's not actually technically winter yet, but really, what difference does that make? The fact of the matter is that this week many parts of the country became decidely inclement. In my own neck of the woods we discovered that after a frost the deck of our new home closely resembles an ice skating rink. It was only the quick hands of the Silver Fox that stopped this ice queen from triple kowtowing off the side and into the herb garden the other morning. Nice work, fella. Now could you do the same thing but this time in a sequinned unitard?

But hey, winter is just one of those unpleasant things that you have to go through, like puberty. That being the case it's probably in our best interests to just try to make the best of it. So below I have compiled my list of things that are good about winter.

Soup - Hot and tasty and usually not very hard to prepare. When it's my turn to make dinner, there's a good chance toast soldiers will be involved. I have a tendency to stockpile soup in immoderate quantities, so cold winter weather is the perfect opportunity to justify this hoarding behaviour.

Fat - Having a little bit of extra padding around the tummy isn't usually considered an advantage, but it sure as heck is when it comes to staying warm. Also, with multiple layers of clothing to hide behind, there's no way anyone can really be sure how much of that is you and how much is that chunky sweater and scarf arrangement. Time to take a break from holding the gut in and just ease ourselves into corpulent inactivity.

Fire - Our new house has a log fire and my new favourite hobby is "burning stuff". It's very restrained arson. I know it's not very friendly to the environment but it's just so warm. I derive ridiculous levels of satisfaction from successfully building a fire. So much so that I'm entirely convinced that cavemen discovered and nurtured the ability to build fires for an ego boost and to have something interesting to look at as much as for any ancillary purposes such as warmth, light or cooking.

When fangirls get grumpy

12:15pm 09 May 2013

Now that a few days have passed, I find myself in a calm enough state of mind to discuss a recent phenomenon that has brought out the grumpies in me.

It's not tights as pants, pyjamas as casual wear, nor someone naming their child after a bus stop. In fact, some of you might be quite surprised to find that I have issues with... "Star Wars Day".

Observance of this "holiday" started only a couple of years ago on the 4th of May or "May the fourth". This is a pun on the famous Star Wars quote "may the force be with you". Oh gosh. It's soooo hilarious. Ha ha. Yes, I see what you did there. "Fourth" instead of "force". Brilliant stuff. Do you do stand-up as well? Because you should.

To start with there were seemingly only a few people who paid attention to "Star Wars Day", but then last year it was popping up all over my Facebook and this year it was every-bloody-where. Including comic book stores, which I'm kind of okay with because it also happened to be Free Comic Book Day and also how cute is this mini Princess Leia?

Now some of you are probably a bit confused at this point, since I've made no secret of my deep and abiding love for all things Star Wars (well, all things Episode IV-VI, anyway). Didn't I once claim to be a Jedi on a census form*? Shouldn't I be all over "Star Wars Day" like it's the holy of holies?

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