Do it yourselfery

For reasons that I'll not go into I had reason yesterday to purchase a plastic toy stethoscope.  It was from one of those, yes I'm going to say it, "Asian run" shops that sell all sorts of strange stuff from bungy cords to feather boas.  The stethoscope came in a set with several other medically themed items and is about the level of crapness that you would expect from something purchased for the princely sum of two dollars.  But I have had at least twenty bucks' worth of fun with it already.  It's just so crap in so many wrong ways, well, I could write a whole blog entry about it...now there's an idea.

Where to begin? Why not with the name?  Now, I think what they were going for was "Likeable Beauty Toy" but what they actually called it was "Likable Beaury Toy".  I don't know what a "beaury" is (nor does the OED for that matter) so I've no idea if it is indeed "lickable".  We can but hope that licking somebody's "beaury toy" isn't the sort of thing that could get one into strife (whether over the age of three or not).

The likable beaury toy also contains a pair of plastic tweezers (okay no issues with that), a cardboard sticking plaster (not very useful but at two bucks who can argue), and what I think is baby plastic scalpel (see bottom left of picture).  The "scalpel" looks more like a pate knife but this is for kids so I'm willing to let that slide; however, I am a little concerned by the packet of "health medicine".  You can't actually eat any of the "pills" but is anybody else a tad worried that pills of any kind would be represented in a set for kids?  Ooh looky here's some "health medicine" in mummy's purse, I think I'll try it.

Another thing that bothers me about this is the weird pink pincer things emblazoned with the numbers "40.80".  What in the name of petroleum-based products is that thing?  Part of me suspects that it might be one of those godawful instruments of torture that they use to test your percentage body fat.  This set is aimed at girls and all girls three and up should be mindful of body fat so that seems right, doesn't it?

Ironically, it's the smallest and most seemingly boring part of the set that gave me a medically induced case of the giggles.  It kind of looks like a mini pill bottle but for reasons that I cannot fathom it carries the legend "use carefully" and features a picture of a teddy bear giving an elephant what I hope to god is an injection.  You could say that it's all in my head but there's something about the gleeful expression on the teddy's face coupled with the rather startled look on the face of the elephant that makes me feel a little disturbed.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the elephant wasn't wearing pants that have been lowered.  And why on earth is this pachiderm wearing a scarf?

The real fun with the likable beaury toy though is on the back of the packet, which carries such manglings of the English language as -

Colleet all these exeiting new set.  It will give infinite pleasure.

It have ereativity and durable, education fun.

Teaching aid series, let kids are proceeding the game of the same time, learn to more things!

But my favourite would have to be "Special for children design!  Do-it-yourselfery!!"  It is a crime of language that the phrase "do-it-yourselfery" doesn't exist in English.  It bloody well should.  I think that "do-it-yourselfery" should apply to arts and crafts.  I often make little gifts for people and I can hear friends even now saying "I really like the card.  Is it do-it-yourselfery?"  to which I would reply "Oh yes it is actuallery".

So what's your take on the likable beaury toy?  Can anybody tell what those pink things are for?  Should we be calling the SPCA about abuse of elephant buttocks?  Do you have a better use for the phrase "do-it-yourselfery"?  I for one will be having a very good weekend full of "infinite pleasure".  I can hardly wait.

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Nick   #1   10:15 am Jun 27 2008

After all that...

Im now REALLY interested in why you bought the stethoscope in the first place...

Max   #2   10:43 am Jun 27 2008

The elephant is wearing a scarf because he has the flu! (hence the visit to that manic gopher thing).

Given my own inability to conjugate verbs in foreign (or remember where the little accents above the letters are meant to go) I'm not going to make fun of any English written by foreigners.

But I do love making fun of really old magazines from NZ. They can often be hilarious. Too many funny passages to choose from so I'll just leave you with the names of some cocktails from a party guide booklet: Orange Mac Fantastic, Silver Fizz, New Zealand Mint Cooler, Cola Absent (includes cola), Punchy Orange Tea, Athol Brose and The Maorilander.

Leah   #3   10:52 am Jun 27 2008

@ Nick - I bet she was dressing up as a nurse to fulfill a secret boyfriends dirty fantasy.

Who knew that $2 likable beaury toy could be so intriguing? The 40.80 tool does look like one of those fat pinching things the Nazis at the gym use. I know this because I had my fat pinched on Monday. (And I was 29.5% fat!!! This is nearly one third fat!!! But apparently that's normal. Who knew??)

And as for the "Be Careful" bottle, well, the elephant certainly does look very surprised and maybe they are sending subliminal messages to children about not letting mice (or chipmunks) with syringes walk behind you when your pants are down. I suppose childrens minds are too innocent to see what other options this picture presents.

Niri Tacen   #4   10:56 am Jun 27 2008

The pink pincer thing is definitely body-fat callipers. (See <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Lange-Body-Calipers-Calibration-Block/dp/B00029P432&quot; rel="nofollow"><strong>this</strong></a> for comparison.)

Was there anything inside the little bottle?

The "Health Medicine" is very concerning. Can the pills be removed? If so then it's quite possible for the kids to eat them.

As for the pants-wearing-pachyderm, when you're a kid the butt is where they stick the needle when you get your shots. Possibly the bottle is supposed to be one of those vials they fill the syringe from.

I love those "Asian run" places. So many fun little things to buy - and so cheap! I bought a bamboo chopping board from one the other day. Best damn chopping board I ever bought.

Ah, there's nothing like cheap plastic sh*t to brighten the day :-)

It's Friday! Time for twirling! :-D

ThePeach   #5   10:59 am Jun 27 2008

Absolute brilliance! Who would have thought $2 could go so far. I hope there's a whole career based series of these things.

Niri Tacen   #6   11:00 am Jun 27 2008

P.S.: For just a few dollars more you could have had a real stethoscope in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Prestige-Medical-Traditional-Spraque-Stethoscope/dp/B000H72SA6/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;s=hpc&amp;amp;qid=1214521082&amp;amp;sr=1-6&quot; rel="nofollow"><strong>hot pink</strong></a>!!

Why <i>did</i> you want one anyway? C'mon, spill!

Downfall   #7   11:06 am Jun 27 2008

The pill container is worth the two dollars alone. For the last few minutes I've been wondering whether happy bear and startled elephant are a depiction of the "use carefully" instruction being obeyed.

KC   #8   11:13 am Jun 27 2008

I don't think I've actually read a blog that has made me laugh out loud...love it! Keep up the good work...ery.

I suspect that you're going to need to tell us all why you bought it in the first place though...

rebecca   #9   11:16 am Jun 27 2008

ahhh good times:) having worked at similar store all through high school i too recall the crappy products, and the amazing language confusion.

youd think if they were mass producing this rubbish someone, somewhere in the company would get someone to spell check it?

But secretly im glad they dont, gives me a good laugh when the kids bring home their 2 dollar shop bounty and i get to play with the 'metal wheel joy time automo locive' and the barbie rip offs that look like transsexual prostitutes:) truly worth every penny!

Andrew   #10   11:24 am Jun 27 2008

Wow. Just...wow.

Still laughing :)

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