WOT NXT TVNZ?

Dear someone important at TVNZ,

I am writing with regards to those helpful little graphics you display on your channel telling us a) what we're watching now, b) what we could be watching soon or c) what we could watch tomorrow.  I really look forward to these as I do not know how to operate a TV guide, or the internet, two easily available ways I might otherwise come across this very important programming information.  I really like that you're thinking of me and my informational needs.  It makes me feel special. 

I have noticed recently that the person at your organisation in charge of spelling things has not been paying attention. (Is he a boy? I find that they are often easily distracted by women with large breasts. Could this be the problem?) In any case your otherwise very jaunty and helpful graphics have been misspelt a lot recently.  No, really they have.  I didn't expect it of our national broadcaster either but I wrote some of them down.  Recently I have seen the following -

TON

NXT

LTR

TMW

I was really quite confused by these to start with.  What did they mean?  TON could be a unit for measuring weight in the United States, but NXT? LTR? TMW?  Fewer vowels than a Welsh street sign, no?  And then I remembered that sometimes the young folk with their phones and the texting often leave the vowels out of words, because of the restricted number of characters allowed per message and because it is faster.  And just like the boffins at Bletchley Park who cracked that pesky Enigma code, by golly I'd nailed it.  TON=Tonight, NXT=Next, LTR=Later and TMW=Tomorrow.  Next stop the Rosetta Stone.  I'm on a roll.

But I was still confused.  Surely the main reason for using these abbreviated versions of words is down to a lack of space or to cut down on time keying in on a phone keypad?  You don't use mobile phones to make your graphics, do you?  Surely you've got flasher equipment than that.  Computers and things.  Surely your whole budget isn't spent on Simon Barnett's hair products?

And then I realised what it's about.  You're trying to be cool, aren't you?  You're trying to be hip and "down with the kids".  Oh, oh, dear.  No.  Please don't.  You're not cool enough for that.  You are TVNZ.  You are nearly thirty.  That's just not feasible.  Let me lay it out for you.  You are our state broadcaster, therefore you will never really be cool.  Please just leave that to C4.  It's where music (and skinny jeans) lives.  C4 is hip and cool.  Similarly TV3 will always be cooler than you because it's younger (still a teenager in fact).  Prime is the "underdog" aka "the little channel that could" and Māori TV is simultaneously artsy and worthy.  You, TVNZ, just get to be dependable and...there.  You using text language in your ads would be like me walking around in a trucker cap and baggy jeans.  It's a wee bit sad, not to mention try-hard.

Anyway, I just thought that you should know this since apparently no one who works there is willing to say anything (like when you're wearing a really unflattering outfit but your friends all say that you look great).  Please go back to using vowels.  They are there for a reason.

Yours sincerely,

MT TMR (see how confusing that is?)

 

What do you think about TVNZ's sudden abandonment of the vowel?  Are they really just trying a bit too hard to be cool and, at the risk of sounding like a Facebook quiz, which New Zealand channel are you?