There's no accounting for taste
The offices of Sweet, Salt, and Sour Chartered Accountants
Mr Sweet: Now, I understand you need some help young lady.
Me: Yes, I'm very confused and really need some professional advice.
Mr Salt: Well you've certainly come to the right place. What is it exactly that you're confused about?
Me: Um, well I think I might need a taste audit.
Mr Salt: Yes, well from the look of that chipped nailpolish I dare say that's true.
Mr Sweet: Aaah, Sydney I think Cecil and I can take it from here if there's something else you'd rather be doing right now.
Mr Salt: Well it is Friday so there's certainly a Margarita glass I could be decorating...
Mr Sour: Well don't let us keep you. Now Miss Moata, a taste audit is quite an intensive exercise. What makes you think that you need one? Is this not something that could be resolved by abstaining from NW magazine for a few weeks?
Me: Mr Sour, Mr Sweet, I come to you as a babe in the woods wearing Ugg boots. I just don't know anymore. I mean, I actually like Kelly Clarkson. I think that's pretty bad. That is bad isn't it?
Mr Sour: Hmmm, well that all depends...how do you feel about...diamantes?
Me: Good on cat collars and cheap costume jewellery but not cellphones or jeans?
Mr Sweet: Well, see? That all seems to be in order.
Mr Sour: How about...the Home and Away omnibus?
Me: Love it.
Mr Sour: Ironically?
Me: No.
Mr Sour: Ooh, yes, I see what you mean. That could be an issue.
Me: It was so much easier when I was younger. The only things you could buy were from Farmers so everyone pretty much had the same stuff. Now with all the interweb shopping and so on, well, I just don't know if my taste is any good. The only barometer I have is my mum.
Mr Sour: Oh, in what way?
Me: Oh I pretty much hate everything she's ever bought.
Mr Sour: That, young lady, is a very solid base to build upon but you're right, an audit may well be justified. You're definitely in the red and as everyone knows that was the colour du jour three seasons ago so we have some work to do.
Me: So how does this work?
Mr Sweet: Well dear, what we do is give negative value to things like your unfortunate Kelly Clarkson issue but then we give positive value to other things.
Me: I'm definitely going to Faith No More when they come.
Mr Sour: Hmmm, a lot of hits in the nineties but that was a long time ago. However, none of the band members have appeared on a reality show looking for a girlfriend nor have any of their songs been used in a Pepsi commercial. Yes, I think that might edge you back towards the black.
Me: I've got a ukulele.
Mr Sweet: Sorry hun, so does everyone.
Me: I can actually play it?
Mr Sweet: What colour?
Me: Pink?
Mr Sweet: Good, that's very good. Anything else?
Me: I'll go to the next Twilight movie but only because I saw the first one and I definitely will slag it off because it's far too chaste and not as witty as True Blood.
Mr Sweet: Noted. Can I ask you this...do you fancy Robert Pattinson?
Me: Um, well maybe a tiny wee bit?
Mr Sweet: Well he is a bit beautiful so I don't see this counting against you as long as you openly mock anyone who claims to be part of "Team Edward".
Me: I'll mock so hard Andrew Fagan will be my lead singer.
Mr Sour: I think you might be headed back towards the red with that one, missy.
Me: Sorry.
Mr Sweet: One last question... do you own a dreamcatcher?
Me: No. Hell, no.
Mr Sweet: Well in that case we can certainly work with you.
Taste is such a personal thing and everybody thinks that theirs is good but surely that can't be possible? If the taste accountants paid you a visit how would you fare? Red ink or black?
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Can't say I actually read most of that.
Faith No More is awesome.
I'm gonna stick to working the normal/eclectic vibe - that way no one is ever THAT surprised *hee*
@ Thalia #1 - I want Robert Pattinson AND Edward!! I'm not picky... ha ha.
I would fare "average". Though since I have been pregnant it has gone downhill very fast! With maternity pants costing $200 (for 6 months wear, yeah right) I have chosen to stick to the $50 black Glassons elastic top pants. So I have pretty much the same outfit on everyday. It sucks.
As a teenager, I remember buying hot pink, silk hammerpants and a matching grey and pink striped sweatshirt - I am short with red hair. Picture a colour-blind Oompa Loompa dancing to Hammertime - that was me.
I don't think my taste has improved. I've just looked around my office and there is a womble (Wellington), a Temuka boot, an original Sims 1 game, a single CD of OMC's "How Bizarre", a Kuki Kea (the mascot of the 1974 Commonweath Games), Toy Love (on cassette!), a Time Pyramid, a Tamagotchi and a painting by Vernon Ward of flying swans. I would consult Sweet, Salt & Sour but I pretty much revel in having bad taste.
Interesting... I don't know how I'd fare if the taste accountants audited me. Not <I>too</I> bad, I like to think.
I'm with Thalia on the flared pants. They're awesome for curvy ladies. Skinny jeans I think are bad taste because they either make you look fat, or like a retarded Paris Hilton wannabe, or both. You see them so often on teenage sluts. I rest my case, your Honour.
Some of the things in my wardrobe have been there since I was 17. I can still fit them, too *grins smugly*.
I love True Blood but won't go near Twilight. Let's face it, like most of us I mainly watch vampire shows for the, ahem, exciting bits. Team Edward, hell no! Team Eric, hell yes!
I have never mistaken leggings for pants.
I am confident that I will never encounter old CDs while cleaning the garage, laugh with embarrassment and say "heh, yeah, I used to listen to this all the time. I thought it was so cool."
On the other hand, I've told a fair few jokes about, for example, Michael Jackson and David Bain that certainly edge me toward the red side of the taste ledger...
I have a lot of philosophy and other academic books on my bookshelves.
Robert Pattinson? Who? And what the frak is "Team Edward"?
I'm fed up with the whole metrosexual/emo crossover thing. Vampires should be read vampires - sunlight kill's 'em (NO sparkling allowed) and only real blood will do. Vampires like Kate Beckinsale. Mmmm. Kate Beckinsale.
But what about Bitter and Umami? Did they split off and form their own company, or are they just not named partners?
On topic, I think my own taste kind of cancels itself out, for example I can't stand anything related to Twilight, books or movies (except for merciless parodies or other mockery), but I'm an unabashed Star Trek fan. But, same as #1, I don't really mind.
I have so little taste that when I go shopping I rely on the salespeople to tell me what to pick. I have trouble venturing beyond jeans and a t-shirt. But I do refuse to wear skinny jeans. I am flared or wide leg all the way. I also won't wear orange or fluoro.
But I do have taste shoes. And I lurrrrve stilletos.
@ Louisette - I think jokes about DB and MJ edge me back towards black! Though I am blessed with a group of friends for whom getting the condemnatory "too soon" from non-initiates is a badge of honour...
I'd probably be in the red, on account of being such a gorram nerd, but I love being so, which might make me devil-may-care enough to get into the black? It's all about doing it with sass, no?
I think those truly in the red are the fashion victims too afraid to have their own sense of style, so they just rabidly consume whatever dross Shanton or Supre (pause, barf, continue) spit out this 'season'.
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Not sure I would make it into the black because I am a dork but thats ok I don't really care if other people like what I like so long as I like it.
I like flared jeans/trousers. they make my fat thighs and hips look more proportionate.
I like to read books not just wait for the movie.. all books.. even mills and boon books. Books are good even the drivelly ones.
I think the robert pattinson hype is all over nothing because they don't want him they want edward and lets face it. Edward is a dick.
I think horoscopes, occult stuff, tarot cards, palm reading and dream catchers are just rubbish peddled by drug addled hippies.
I don't really like music that much at all.. its pleasant to listen to in the car as it drowns out the rattling noises and its a good work distraction (drowns out the phone) but I don't really like any band or song for a very long time.
I have expensive taste in jewellery. there is no fake stuff in my collection I shall not tolerate it.
I think that boots over jeans look silly. I think that Skinny jeans either make you look fat or like a skeleton I think that people with tiny dogs in handbags should be put in stocks and humiliated in the town square. I have clothes in my wardrobe that I wear that are more than five years old and don't care.