Coffee, the other social lubricant
Can you miss something you never had in the first place? Well, let's see, I think it's safe to say Michael Jackson felt this way about his childhood, and thousands of women every year buy themselves breasts they never before possessed, presumably because they feel shortchanged in the chest department. Fortunately I have been lucky enough in my life to have both a happy, normal childhood, and happy bigger than normal boobs. In my case, the thing that I have never had but feel that I miss, is thoroughly mundane. I miss coffee.
Perhaps it's because I have a sweet tooth but the bitter, acidic flavour of coffee makes me do really unfortunate things with my face. You know when you try giving a cat a pill (which has got to be one of the most misguided activities a person can undertake), and they do that gross hacking thing? It's sort of like that.
I've tried numerous times over the years to like coffee (I've also tried liking trance music but no luck there either). Our tastebuds do change over time and there are plenty of foods that I hated as a child that I have no problem with now. Tomatoes, for instance, were second only to "holding hands with boys during folk-dancing" in the "things to be avoided" stakes when I was in primary school. In each case my tastes have gone completely in the other direction. Why, what I wouldn't give for the chance of having a Gay Gordon and a tomato sandwich with Robert Downey Jr some time. So it's not entirely beyond the realms of possibility to think that I my anti-coffee tastebuds might change their minds.
But no, my attempts over the years to accept coffee as my personal saviour have always ended the same way...with me trying to slough off the inside of my mouth on my sleeve, or a having a gargle of whatever other beverage might be available. I tried mocha because it had chocolate in it and it seemed unlikely that anything containing chocolate could offend me. No dice. Instant coffee, which if caffeine fans are to be believed doesn't taste like coffee at all...does to me and is therefore out. An ex-boyfriend even tried creating a "positive association with coffee" by giving me kisses straight after supping on his espresso. The smooching was nice but the flavour was still decidedly unappealing.
But why do I care? What makes me pine for the devil's brew when I don't even like the stuff? Well, it's because of that look of satisfaction that coffee drinkers get when they have their first cup of the day. That sigh that they all make after the first sip that says "Oh yeah, that's the stuff". I don't have an equivalent to that. There's no little pick-me-up that I can indulge in during my working day that will have the same effect. My "emergency chocolate" is just that, it's for emergencies, like "someone could be harmed if none is consumed forthwith" situations.
Plus, maybe I'm being a little sensitive but I almost feel a bit "marginalised" by my aversion to coffee. People always offer you coffee (or tea, and I don't much like that either) and I always feel a little ungrateful for declining. Not to mention all the cool words that coffee drinkers get to use - ristretto, affogato, macchiato. But for god's sake it's ES-presso. EX-presso has connotations of an entirely more milky kind and that's not a mental image I want conjured up when I'm in line for a milk-laden hot chocolate, if you don't mind.
So, am I justified in feeling wistful over my inability to enjoy a nice cup of joe in the morning? Is coffee drinking all it's cracked up to be? Would any other caffeine abstainers care to join me in some kind of support group? We can catch up and chat over Milo (it just doesn't sound right, does it?).
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Can't stand coffee foul foulf foul stuff! Even the smell makes me dry reach! Give me a strong cup of tea made the real way, no sugar, no milk just as the Chinese intended.
Sorry...I couldnt concentrate on anything you wrote after the words "bigger than normal boobs". Where was I.....?
I am definitely a caffeine addict - drinking it every day since I was about 15 - but I've managed to whittle it back to 1 shot a day (preferably with lovely hot foamed trim milk mmmmmm). I trained myself to cut back when I was planning to be pregnant. But then, when I became pregnant, for a couple of months I felt so sick that I couldn't drink coffee, which was just the weirdest thing ever, because I absolutely have to have that hot cup of gold in the morning before I can face the day. I felt a bit lost without it (and even more tired as a result). Now I am over the worst of the sickness I am back on the coffee, and happy to be here.
Moata, you are right that you are missing out on something. There is something amazingly comforting about that hot cup of goodness in the morning. It makes you feel a bit like those Pink Batts ads - snuggled up in pink huggy fluff - even if just for a few minutes. Then there's the obvious benefit of significantly waking up as a result. The world magically becomes a lot brighter and chirpier. It is a drug, but a drug I'm not willing to give up.
In fact, I think coffee is almost as amazing as a tomato sandwich and a Gay Gordon with Robert Downey Jr would be. I loved the Gay Gordon at school (although not the holding hands with boys part) - such a clever dance; with one spin you suddenly have a new partner. Genius.
Im in the same boat - just not a fan of coffee at all. I find it worse when you are out for coffee meetings. Ordering a hot chocolate seems so immature when you're trying to get someone to take you seriously.
My "need to be fancy when offered" drink of choice is a Chai Latte. I think that choice makes me look more stuck up than child like which is probably only slightly better in a meeting.
By choice though I buy a hot chocolate every morning and get the satisfaction sigh from that.
Moata, how do you judge the happiness of your boobs? Are they sometimes perkier than usual?
I'm worried that mine are now missing out on something!
i too do not like and have never liked coffee. must be one of the few people who hate the smell (and by association the taste). My parents are english and therefore ingest tea at ten minute intervals but I can't even bring myself to drink that wishy washy blah tasting stuff. Caffiene needs to come to me via cocacola (zero for when life is good and full fat for breakfast if things are a bit rough). But it took me a few years to cotton onto the social norm thing of the offering of a cuppa - the host didn't know what to do when I said no thanks. so now I ask for hot water which seems to help. Most of my friend know to make their own coffee/tea when they come round rather than risk me making it. In ten years of marriage I have made my husband exactly three cups of tea.
I hate coffee too and have tried over and over again to like it. I love the smell, but the taste is just foul and the smell on the breath of coffee drinkers is even worse. I make my bf chew gum if he drinks it. Luckily I love me a good cup of tea (but i'm rather fussy about the tea....only Dilmah or Twinings or premium brands, no Bell or Choysa or PG Tips etc for this girl
My pyramid of V cans would indicate that I'm not a caffeine abstainer, but I don't do coffee. Hot chocolate is where it's at for a cafe hot drink. It does the job for such occasions where "a coffee" is required for a gathering.
I'm a non-coffee drinker - I don't drink tea either and also can't stand hot chocolate. I gave up coffee about 4 years ago. Once I got over the severe caffiene withdrawal headache I found I had more energy and loved not being dependent on coffee to get me going each day.
I do get an "ahhhhh" moment when I have my first sip of peppermint tea in the morning.
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Mmmmmm, Coffee.... just sat down with a latte to check emails and start the day.
Mmmmmm, coffeeee.......