This is why I hate statistics

A commenter to yesterday's post made the observation that lately I've become repetitive and that "every 3rd one [post] has some blind reference to the size of your mammaries".  Because your patronage is very important to me (and because there's nothing I love more than a bit of pop psychology self-analysis) I thought that I might just do a bit of a check and see if this was, in fact, a fair statement.  Am I boobsessed?

Luckily to aid me in this I have what I like to refer to as "Chairman Mo's Collected Great and Glorious, Fruitful sayings of Great Consequence" aka "The Word document of Doom".  Basically, every couple of weeks I copy and paste the latest crop of posts into this now gigantic document.  In only two years it has grown into an absolute monster of over 500 pages containing more than 230,000 words.  I keep expecting it to do a Mr Creosote on me and explode random vocabulary and punctuation all over the place should I add one post too many.  But the question is, how many of those expelled words would be mammary-related?

Well, to be fair, quite a few.  Apparently I have mentioned boobs, boobies, breasts, tits, or cleavage no less than forty times.  Though I'm happy to see that only eight of those have been in the last six months so it appears that there has been no increase in the number of references to my own mammaries, though it seems that at least a third of all mentions are about other people's "lovely lady lumps". In particular Pamela Anderson, Nicky Watson and Salma Hayek have all been considered noteworthy (well, by me, anyway).  So at least I am not fixated only on my own jubblies.

But with that question answered I needed some more information to give those forty mammary mentions context.  What else might I be mentioning a bit too often?  The results aren't at all what I thought they'd be.  Colin Firth only rates five mentions to Russell Brand's ten.  Cheesecake, which may well be one of my consuming passions (literally) only gets a crummy twenty.  Even my laptop which sometimes seems as if it might require surgical removal, gets only sixteen. The pub, scene of many a great anecdote, fares similarly, featuring an even dozen times.  Variations on the word sarcasm, sarcastic etc do a bit better with twenty-seven but that's significantly fewer than I would have thought.

It's at this point that I'm starting to wonder if the impression I have of myself (and my unhealthy interests) is anything at all like that which I present to the world. 

But then I get to the top four and they may well be the most telling in this highly unscientific survey. Chocolate does well with fifty mentions but is pipped for third place by wine, which has been uncorked (or untwisted these days?) by me on fifty-six occasions.  My mother/mum/mummy comes in at silver with a very respectable seventy-seven but by far the most mentioned term?  Any variation on sex, sexy, sexiest, or sexual have featured one hundred and twenty-three times.  One hundred and twenty-three.  Cripes.

So there you have it, chocolate, wine, my mother, and sex.  I mean, a psychoanalyst would have a field day with that, wouldn't they?  Though there was never much chance that my personality makeup would generate a quartet of rainbows, kittens, milkshakes and Twilight, I hadn't thought it would make me sound quite so "crazy cat lady".  I mean, if that's what I really spend my time thinking about, I'm not sure that I would want to talk to me at a party.  But probably blog-vocab me would be too busy chugging Riesling and phoning her mum or "scoping out the talent" to notice.  It's all a bit worrying, really.

So, having, yet again, willingly subjected myself to "humiliation by blog", what do you think the four words that best sum you up are?  Does the version of you that the world gets to see match up with your self-image at all or is there a massive disparity?

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