Twenty-seven days later
Pah ra pa pum pum. That's how it started yesterday during a lunchtime jaunt to Farmers. There I was happily contemplating some cheap lipgloss when something in the background music caught my ear. 
And there it was, the unmistakable "pah ra pa pum pum" of The Little Drummer Boy...in November. To the casual observer there might not have been much in my general demeanour that would indicate seething resentment but, believe me, it was there. In fact I do believe that the second I twigged to what I was listening to I emitted the sort of low-frequency growl that only pack animals and the clinically insane can pick up on.
It's not because I don't like The Little Drummer Boy. It's actually one of my favourite Christmas songs because it lacks the schmaltz and sickening sentimentality that many of them seem to be drenched in like so many brandy-soaked Christmas puddings. Nor, despite the cynicism that I display in much of my life, am I anti-Christmas. On the contrary, I'm a big fan. As is so often the case, it's the things about which you are truly passionate that can inspire a rigidity, a certain pedantic belief in how they should be approached, and so it is in this case...for I am a Christmas Nazi.
Part of how this manifests, other than getting a ridiculous amount of pleasure out of achieving Christmas tree decoration "symmetry", is that I feel quite strongly that the festive season does not and should not start until December. When I see Christmas-themed chocolate giftsets on the shelves in September it makes me tut like an old lady. Christmas decorations in late October make me roll my eyes and Christmas music in November makes me want to drive candy canes into my brain via my ears (which would actually look pretty comical, not to mention festive, so I suppose I should hold off on that for a week or two).
Apparently I'm not alone. Last week Ali Ikram did a piece about the premature decorating that many retail outlets undertake, in particular Westfield. Apparently the reason they have to put them up so early is that it takes TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS. Yeah, I thought I'd heard that wrong too so I watched the clip again and the Westfield representative definitely says that it takes them twenty-seven days to put all that plastic greenery and 300,000 baubles in place. Now, obviously I'm not in the business of mall decoration because you probably have to do some kind of special course for that, but I put it to you that if it takes the better part of a month to do then, I don't know, maybe you've gone a bit overboard. The phrase "wind it back a notch" springs to mind.
I mean, I don't get up at 3 o'clock in the morning so that I can put on every item of clothing I own and then waddle off to work, that would be silly. Nope, I know that I have a set amount of time in the mornings to get ready and so I decorate and beautify as much as I can within the allotted time.
I suppose the issue I have is that Christmas is a special time and when you stretch it out you necessarily dilute it in the process. I guess I just like my Christmas like I like my scotch...neat (and symmetrical).
What do you think? Is twenty-seven days worth of decorating like doing six weeks of tanning bed preparation so you can have a tan in time for your two-week holiday in Bali? When does the festive season start for you? Any other closet Christmas Nazis in the house? Pah ra pa pum pum mofos.
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I love christmas. I love giving gifts to people I love, and I love spending time with family. I'm a christian, and I love the reminder that Jesus was born.(Even though it wasn't in December)
But I HATE the tacky winter themed decorations, the ghastly carols and the massive comsumer frensy. Starting all that crap in October is just mad. For me Christmas can start in early december.
Tori Amos did a nice live version of 'Little Drummer Boy' some years back (released on a bonus CD with 'Under the Pink). Her recording is about the only version I can tolerate. I heard a LOUNGE version in Whitcoulls last year. Made me leave the shop as quickly as I could, as does most christmas shopping muzak.
Christmas starts at the beginning of December for me, I can't put up the tree before then. Admittedly we do leave our fairy lights up all year round but that's just in case it snows heavily so we can turn on the lights and take pretty pictures.
I have to say I'm the opposite to you on decorating the tree though, I aim for a complete lack of symmetry and those trees with the grid patterns and everything colour co-ordinated just make me want to scream. Christmas trees should be covered in a collection of odds and ends gathered over the years! Tacky things made by children improve Christmas trees in my opinion (and I don't even have any children).
I'm definitely with you Mo - The Christmas tree MUST NOT be put up until the first weekend of December. Christmas shopping MUST NOT start until December but must be finished BEFORE the last weekend before Christmas - otherwise any Christmas spirit engendered by gift-buying and wrapping will quickly evaporate in the mad-dash panic and hoades of last minute shoppers. Christmas carols may ONLY be played during the month of December but are compulsory listening whilst decorating and wrapping presents. You MUST go to bed before midnight on Christmas Eve so that Christmas Day doesn't accidentally sneak up on you when you're not looking. Yep, I am definitely a Christmas Nazi!
I love it! As long as it's November, it's fine with me. I honestly start thinking about Christmas presents and plans by early November, as it takes me ages to work out what I want to buy/make/bake, so it suits me fine that the stores start decorating over a month early. I think October is crossing the line though.
We don't have many events during the year where we decorate and go nuts, unlike in the USA, where they have about 8 different types of decorations they're constantly rotating. So why not make the most of the only time of year we really go all out?
Plus I think it adds to the lovely anticipation - if decorations went up only with a couple of weeks to go, it might incite shopping panic, which is infinitely worse than just inciting a growl or two from the Christmas Nazis.
I'm with you on this one. And thankfully I don't work in retail any more so don't have to put up with premature decoration. At the Warehouse the first things to come out where always boxes of Christmas wrapping paper sneakily put at the end of every aisle in the store, and chocolate advent calednars (which is another nit-pick - whatever happened to the ones with the awesome pictures where you got to (very carefully) use dads craft knife to open it?!).
For me the Christmas season starts when the tree goes up (complete with kindy-made decorations from eons ago), and the tree goes up on either the 1st, or at least the first week of December. Then the Christmas season finishes, 12 days later when the tree comes down :)
If Farmers are already playing Xmas music, then I am shopping somewhere else! I will tolerate Xmas music in the last few weeks of December, but not now!
I can ignore Xmas displays and keep walking, but that music is enough to drive me insane.
I completely agree Moata, thou shalt not dilute Christmas - I'm sure that's the 11th commandment? It should be.
Tell you what had me in a state of incredulous fury though, a certain bigwig where I work telling people they couldn't have xmas decos in the office at all this year. I think he may have a candy cane stick somewhere rather awkward - if not I may have to arrange for it...
I HATE the early decorating and advertising. Really, don't try to sell me tinsel in September! My most hated song is the Snoopy one - not only will I access my brain via ear-planted candy canes, I will also slam my head repeatedly against a brick wall until I lose consciousness. And they play it over and over and over, like some Noel-induced groundhog day - nightmare.
One year, I spent literally hours individually hanging icicles off what I thought to be my most beautiful Christmas tree ever. My kitten then spent the next week running a tag team demolition with the dog. Cat goes up the tree, knocks off decoration, dog picks up, takes outside and chews into non-recognition. By the end of the week, only the top decoration remained. This year, no tree, but a house up the road from us has the most extreme lights I have ever seen outside of the innernet - so we call that our Christmas tree.
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Yes. I am a Christmas nazi in some ways. Now, being an Atheist, many people believe i shouldn't even celebrate Xmas. I do celebrate it, just not for the reasons Christians do I guess. I celebrate getting together with family, being home from work relaxing, spending time with friends etc. All those happy childhood memories involving red and white, santa, Christmas Day with extended family, summer, and of course presents. However, i also get annoyed at how early it all starts, for the same reason you point out. It takes away the specialness of it, if it is celebrated for 3 months! The one day itself is no longer special. As a child, Xmas day, and Boxing day, were special. And my family definitely didn't put up decorations until December. Getting around to taking them down was another issue entirely though......