Ladies, loos and the mysteries thereof
Yesterday, someone asked via the comments of this blog if I "do requests". Well, it has occasionally happened, though sadly never at karaoke and never Hero by Mariah Carey (look, I know it's the worst song ever but if you're doing karaoke the implication is that you've already shrugged off the shackles of "taste" and "refinement" so I think you should just go all the way into tacky and be done with it).
I have been dwelling a little this week on some of the oddities of man/woman interactions so while I'm on a roll why not answer paul's query, spurred by a throwaway line in Monday's post, on women and our "social" toileting habits? I'll perhaps try and come up with something completely unrelated to boy/girl misunderstandings on Friday but for now let's just press on as there does seem to be genuine confusion and/or mystique around the phenomenon of women going to the toilet together.
One of my favourite science writers, Ben Goldacre, has a rather useful saying that he encourages people to apply when assessing any pithy, punchy soundbite that purports to sum up a piece of research or a new scientific development. It is "I think you'll find it's a bit more complicated than that." Which is really just my way of saying that there isn't one answer to this question but a complex interplay of different factors that may have an effect depending on the circumstances. But I'll give it a stab at explaining it anyway.
First, and I'm assuming that mostly men will be reading this for information and women just to see what I say, boys, think about what women enjoy doing above just about anything. Is it using monosyllables in response to any questions you might ask? No. Is it making incredibly short phone calls? No. Is it convincing you that you need a back wax and then doing it ourselves? Maybe. But really, we love talking, and discussing and rehashing and describing and opining. In short (well, actually not in short, more at length really) we love chatting with each other. Most of us see no reason why we should lose the flow of a perfectly good conversation because one of us has to leave for toileting purposes. Why not just change venue briefly? So we do.
However, as an aside, talking whilst in a cubicle is only something that I am happy to do with good friends. In the past I have been weirded out by mere acquaintances who I happened to cross paths with in the ladies and who carried on chatting as I was perched upon the throne. Probably everyone differs slightly on this one but I am wholly of the opinion that unless you are someone I would lend a pair of my much-loved shoes to, then I am not entirely comfortable conversing with you while my knickers are around my knees. Don't take it personally, I'm just a bit funny like that.
Another reason that we like to accompany each other to the toilet is that there are no men there...which means we can talk about you without you knowing about it (because we must always remain mysterious and unknowable, you know, to keep you on your toes). There's many a poker face that's cracked only after the toilet door's swung closed.
Sometimes your friend needs to borrow some "feminine hygiene product" or other and you just don't want to have to perform a covert kind of drug-deal-esque transfer from one handbag to another in public view.
When guys get weird and stalkerish (which does sometimes happen), the nightclub bathroom is a safe refuge in which to regroup and come up with a plan... and there's usually enough light that you can synchronise your watches more easily (which I'm pretty sure is how Charlie's Angels would roll).
Unfortunately, sometimes, someone needs to have their hair held back.
Every woman who has ever accidentally tucked her skirt into her pantyhose would have been spared humiliation if she'd had her best friend literally watching her back.
Sometimes we do, genuinely just need to wee at the same time.
So basically, there are quite a few things going on here. Personally I think the first one might be the strongest motivator but it's bound to be different for different people, and you also can't discount that we're expected to go together so there's also a bit of a chicken and egg thing at work too. What's a far more interesting question to me is why men don't go to the toilet together? I mean, what the hell is that about? Surely there must be times that your bladder is in synch with one of your mates, but you guys never seem to go and see a man about a dog at the same time. Is there a "one visitor at a time" rule with regards to that particular dog or something?
Would anyone care to explain the weirdness of that? Ladies have you any further input? Are there any other aspects of the strange and wonderful arena of "toilet etiquette" that bemuses or confuses? A spent penny for your thoughts.
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Men don't go together for the simple reason many of them are homophobic....well, not really homophobic, but we tend to assume all our friends are, so wouldn't want them getting the wrong idea if we were to follow them into the toilet, sidle up to them at the urinal, and unzip. So, while there is nothing wrong with someone being gay, we still don't like being teased by friends for any reason, so why give them a reason? i think this mainly applies to young men, especially rugby heads! Which is strange, cos they think nothing of all jumping in a shower together after a game (as long as everyone keeps their eyes up of course!). So having just written all that, it occurs to me that maybe women would not go together if you didnt have the privacy of a cubicle wall to separate you? Have I just solved the whole thing during this ridiculous rambling?
I agree with all your reasons. But I will add that it is only necessary to go in pairs when out and about. It's not necessary to do this at work. In fact, if I am at work, I prefer the whole bathroom to myself.
When you're at, especially at a pub, you go with someone else so that you don't get entirely separated from the group. If it is just two of you there, then you go together so no-one is left sitting alone. There's a million reasons!
I have to say there is a bar/club in town (Auckland) that has two doors that lead to the same bathroom, though the name escapes me at the moment.
there is a website dedicated to this topic (whoed of thunk it ) International Center for Bathroom Etiquette http://www.icbe.org
I saw a great animated video about guy V girl bathroom etiqette a few years back maybe its on that site ?
I am a girl and I don't get the whole 'going to the toilet together' thing. I mean, there's not that much to do in there except go, wash hands, dry hands, check makeup, and leave. I don't really like people hanging around waiting for me/watching me as I realise the harsh fluroescent lights of the loo are not nearly as flattering as the dim lights of the club (your eye makeup looks 'smoky and sexy' in the club, but in the loo you discover it's really just your mascara running and your eyeliner smudged). Sigh.
Anyway, getting off track - main point is - going to the loo together is something that I thought only teenagers did and that the rest of us were brave enough to go alone....
I found it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw
P.S There is one exception, I will go to the bathroom with a friend if I think the friend in question is likely to lock herself in a cubicle, throw up, and then pass out. Now that's awkward. Lugging coma'd chicks out to their boyfriends for them to deal with is really hard.
I guess guys don't go and 'see a man about a dog' at the same time for all the oppostie reasons girls go together. We don't love chatting to each other in the loo's, we don't go in there to talk about girls (mostly anyway!) and we don't go in there to borrow hygien products. We normally just go in there to do the business and get out again! Sometimes we will also use them as a means to escape weird and stalkerish girls haha! The worst thing for guys is when you end up in toilet sync with a complete random and end up seeing them 2 or 3 times in a row! You both end up slightly suspicious that the other one could be stalking you!
Still plenty mysterious these women things.
Guys are straight-forward. We don't want to appear interested in other male's genitalia. So you keep as much distance as possible between each other at the urinals.
You also don't ever look. The guy further along could spontaneously combust and your gaze would never waver from that point on the wall in front of you, or from between your own feet.
I have a theory that the guards at Buckingham Palace are trained in public toilets.
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I'm a girl and I never understood the whole going to the toilet in groups, in fact I try to avoid it, but what really werids me out is the girls who share a cubicle - you should never be that good of friends.