Talk to the hand

I've mentioned a number of times that I tend to talk with my hands.  On certain occasions I've been conscious that these expansive motions might be distracting and have attempted to keep them to a minimum, but this only works as long as I'm not fully engaged in the conversation.  As soon as I get excited or interested and want to comment, on comes the flapping. 

At this stage in my life I think the chances of being able to break myself of this habit are on par with the likelihood of me winning a Nobel prize for Science on the basis of my visionary and highly innovative "food eaten on holiday doesn't count" theory of dietary nutrition.  So, slim (unlike my weekend-in-Wellington self).

Although a lot of my perhaps unnecessary gesturing is what you might call decorative or "conversational embellishment", it's not all meaningless flapping.  Sometimes when I'm talking with my hands I am actually trying to say something.  I was speaking to a fellow librarian on Monday and I noticed that she pantomimed typing when she was talking about using her computer.  "Well, strap my hands down," I thought, "she's bloody pinched that from me."  But of course, I don't have a patent on that hand gesture and you can be sure that if hand gestures could be patented then I would probably register one of a more "adult" nature, because you just know it would be a lot more lucrative.

I spend a lot of time at a computer keyboard so often any sentence containing the phrase "I was at work" is accompanied by a comical up and down hand motion not dissimilar to a really feeble doggy paddle.  This gesture, when modified slightly so that both hands move up and down at the same time instead of alternating, becomes the "universal" symbol for "piano".

I also find that when I'm looking for something, like a utensil or other tool, that I mime the action of using said implement, as if this will somehow magically lure the item into my grasp more quickly.  Yes, certainly a stapler, upon seeing my empty hand mimicking a pincer movement, will leap up, wave, and emit a "cooeee, I'm over here".  What would be really interesting would be to see the stapler and the kitchen tongs fight it out to get my attention as I generally use the same hand motion for both things.  It's a lucky thing they're generally never in the same room together (coincidence or conspiracy?).

I'm also concerned that this is all a bit close to the generally hated "artform" that is "mime".  Just to be on the safe side I think I'm going to remove my "the time I got stuck in a box" story from my "amusing anecdote" repertoire and all those times I really want to talk about going downstairs or peeling a banana are going to have to go on ice.

And it's not like this straight-from-my-brain-to-my-hands communication channel is particularly useful.  Generally the people I'm talking to aren't hard of hearing.  And if the amount of time I spend trying to locate my keys whilst making an "unlocking the door" motion is anything to go by it doesn't make misplaced items turn up any sooner at all.  I'm just thankful that I don't do it with everything.  Luckily a goodly portion of my thoughts stay in my brain, some of them make it out of my mouth, or find expression in my facial muscles, and still fewer make the longer journey down my arms.  It doesn't take too much imagination to figure out that if all of my thoughts or opinions were expressed with my arms and hands, I could get myself into quite a bit of trouble. 

So, having found at least one other person in the world who types on a "phantom keyboard" in conversation, I'm curious to know if this is actually commonplace.  If you're a "two-finger typist" do you mime "finger poking" instead?  Have you noticed yourself or others doing specific "hand-talking" motions?  Does excessive hand flapping count as exercise and can it therefore burn calories ingested away from home?  Please wave your hands in the general direction of a keyboard and comment below.

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