Life on the ocean waves
I've never been on a cruise ship, let alone the world's newest biggest one, but as someone who grew up in an era when Aaron Spelling seemed to be responsible for at least eighty percent of American television shows, I knew all I needed to about love and adventure on the high seas via the very-close-to-documentary show, The Love Boat.
Naturally, I'm being sarcastic now when I refer to the gritty realism of shipboard life as portrayed aboard The Love Boat but when I was a kid I really believed that the only abode that could top The Pacific Princess would be Disneyland or Olly Ohlson's house.
For one thing, it never rained. Secondly everyone got to go to places with exotic names like Aka-polkoe and Porter-vy-arta (as a kid I had no notion of how to spell these names nor that they were in Mexico. I think I believed them to be islands). Thirdly, there were fancy, brightly coloured drinks with umbrellas and fruit hanging off them. For a kid who thought that a traffic light at Cobb and Co was the apotheosis of style and sophistication, I was suitably impressed.
Speaking of drinks, I was always quite fond of Isaac, the African-American bartender. Partly this was because he was the dispenser of aforementioned impressive beverages but probably also because he reminded me of my dad. Both men were in possession of a Jimi Hendrix-esque afro and a cheeky grin draped with what would these days be considered a decidedly dodgy moustache. Later in life when I found myself tending bar I would come to realise that I did not share Isaac's excessively amiable nature and generosity of spirit.
For on the occasions when bar patrons felt the need to complain to me about their love life or woes I would come over all "uncomfortable" and go find something that needed dusting. Isaac would have known just the right piece of advice, and he would have made a mean Shirley Temple while dispensing it. I don't even know what's in a Shirley Temple so clearly I was never going to be the "understanding barmaid and general perker-upper of the lovelorn". Mind you, I do like to think that if I'd had one of those spiffy red jackets, perhaps with some epaulettes, that might have made the world of difference (but probably I'd just have ended up looking like a bad Michael Jackson impersonator).
I was so enamoured of life aboard The Love Boat that when we went on a family holiday when I was six that involved crossing Cook Strait on the interislander ferry, I excitedly asked my mother if it was like The Love Boat. She unfortunately answered in the affirmative so you can imagine my disappointment when not only was there no blazing sunshine, fancy drinks or Captain Stubing, there was no swimming pool or shuffleboard (whatever that was) either. To say I felt ripped off was putting it mildly. This was in 1980, so believe me when I say that the best you could hope for by way of entertainment on board The Un-Love-ly Boat was a successful game of old maid or fun grappling with the bars anchored to the walls in the toilets in a big swell whilst being serenaded by the sound of dry-retching. Ah, family holiday memories are grand, aren't they?
But whatever that childhood fascination was, I'm glad to say I'm over it. I'm not saying I'd turn down a free cruise ship trip if someone offered me one (hint, hint) but it seems a weird kind of way to travel, really. It almost seems an anodyne, synthetic way of seeing the world. Like being in a big, clean, floating fridge.
What do you reckon? Did The Love Boat leave a lasting impression on you in your formative years? Is there something a bit plastic about travelling by cruise ship? And what the hell is shuffleboard?
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Hubby and I went on a cruise for our honeymoon in 2004 and splashed out on "THE" suite. It was the best (and most relaxing) trip I have ever been on! Admittedly we were 30 years younger than everyone else, but it was a seriously amazing trip.
I have been told we received a different level of service to others because of the room we had (though I have no idea how true this is) but I do know that all my cocktails had umbrella's and fruit, the staff knew my name (and cocktail preference) and we dined with the captain once (which was so boring we never did it again). Every afternoon we had a platter of snacks bought to our room such as choc dipped strawberries and I had two stewards at my beck and call.
I had always loved the Love Boat and my trip on a cruise ship totally lived up to those expectations. I want to be one of those old ladies who has so much money that I go on a cruise to die when I get old!
A few years ago I almost applied to be a singer on a cruise ship. I thought it would be a great way to earn money and not pay tax, do what I love in the evenings and chill out most of the day. Then I read that someone else decides what you play and that you don't get to do much improv. That put me off.
Plus things don't go that well for Fergie on Poseidon do they?
I liked the cut of Julie's jib. She was nice in a perky sort of way. The ship seemed very democratic: Captain Stubing always seemed willing to take advice from Isaac the barman and Gopher the purser on the weighty responsibilities of running the crew and ship. I wonder if it's really like that.
That's awesome, JeM. I'm sure everybody else on the ship won't mind coming across your elderly carcass while they sip on their mojitos. LOL! Truly outrageous!
I once went on a cruise of the Marlborough Sounds in an inter island ferry ( organised by the Johnsonville Lions ) - as i remember the cocktail of choice was Lion Brown, they had bands & other entertainment, no Julie though, tours of the bridge etc. I'm sure the Captain was very Stubingesque, no Mary Tyler Moore though. Pretty good day out.
After always thinking that a cruise would be, as you say, a 'synthetic' way to travel. But after much of my travel being of the backpacker variety (e.g. moving from place to place, day to day), there must be something pretty fabulous about unpacking once for a two week holiday and still traveling at the same time. What a treat that would be!!
@MsM #3 - I also applied for a cruise ship job. It only paid $700 a month though and that just seemed laughable to me (didn't remotely cover the bills I still needed to pay) so after the hard out interview process (in which I had to pay for flights to go to the interview) I pulled out my application.
Not really into boats. I'd rather be under the water than on it.
@JeM - $700 a month with no living costs? Sounds like a sweet deal to me.
Consider that the next generation of it - The Suite Life of Zack and Cody - has cutesy twin boys living on a boat, given their mother is a singer, and the love stories are teenage angst ridden (arghhh, queue screeching music from psycho).
I've been on a cruise ship in a formal capacity on behalf of her majesty's service ... and although it was very cool, boats just don't rock my world, lol.
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When I was young I had the impression that shuffleboard was played by pushing big round poker-chip-like things into squares. Then other stuff happened and someone won. It looked boring to me.
I think I've watched too many disaster movies featuring scenes of ships pitching side-to-side and passengers screaming and being flung around, to ever actually brave a cruise, though I agree that it seems it would be sterile (barring Somalian pirat attacks, which would be a novel distraction). The pics of the new big boat make it look like a giant shopping centre, albeit one with pools and a great view.
I'd rather just fly somewhere and relax there - pools, view, drinks and shopping with much less high seas terror.