The clips show

The end of the year is a time for reflection (and best-of compilations), of harking back, of turning the compost of the year gone past in the hope of finding something to keep the garden of thought and memory fertile.  Basically, everybody takes the foot off the accelerator and coasts on through until the new year.

And what the excessive number of clumsy metaphors in that introductory paragraphy means, dear readers, is that I am doing a clips show, a blog clips show.  By my reckoning I've written a couple of hundred blog posts this year, so let's have a look at the highlights and lowlights, shall we? (Imagine the screen going all fuzzy and dream sequency at this part, if you like.)

It all kicked off really badly in January when my left Achilles tendon broke up with me.  I wasn't happy about the breakup and wanted to try and work things out.  There was some ugliness (in the form of a moonboot) and harsh words were spoken (an impressive litany of expletives, truth be told).  Favourite humorous moment in relation to this event - when my ex-boyfriend wanted to have a go on my crutch(es).  Hello? Dinner and a movie first?  Important life lesson - sometimes when you're in a weakened state you need people to help you...and that's okay.  Also ALWAYS STRETCH before any kind of high-impact aerobics session.  Lasting legacy - Realisation that I'm not indestructible...and I've still got pretty good biceps or "crutch guns", not to mention karate kid one-leg balancing fu.

Because the subject matter of this blog is always very serious, and because I am qualified to speak with authority on matters of great import, I tackled The Recession.  And by "tackled" I mean "mentioned" it in relation to stewing fruit, and not being able to buy shoes because of my bung leg.  Important life lesson - boiling water and baking soda will work wonders for a burnt-fruit-coated pot (thanks for the tip, guys).  Lasting legacy - I'm still not sure which is more beneficial for the country in terms of the financial "big picture", spending my money or saving it.  I'm sitting on the fence and doing a bit of both.  Also, I can still make a mean pear crumble.

Keeping with important issues of the day, in March I spoke out about the very-serious-though-not-actually-criminal-but-it-really-should-be practice of extreme poodle grooming.  This kind of thing is still happening, people.  We must remain ever vigilant.  Important life lesson - People with pets are often "living in Crazytown".

In April I let the public decide if I should join Facebook.  I succumbed to peer pressure, and I have never been happier, especially when I got to ignore my ex-boyfriend's (different one) friend request.  Important life lesson - Scoffing and mocking something that you don't have much experience of is easy and fun and though it might seem like that makes you better than the foolish masses, it actually doesn't (unless the thing you are mocking is Twilight, then you're pretty much golden).  Lasting legacy - By the time I was showing interest in Twitter, I just went ahead and joined up.  Facebook is a social networking gateway drug children, beware.

During the winter of '09 I was beset upon by mice.  I had to kill one and I made a really, truly rotten job of it.  What can I say, I sometimes have violent impulses but zero skill.  People got really angry at me about it.  Favourite humorous moment in relation to this event - there wasn't one.  Important life lesson - I am stupendously bad at killing anything bigger than a bumblebee, and even then things could get a bit dicey.  Lasting legacy - I now have a list of people on speed dial who will come over to my house and kill things for me if needed.  I imagine this is what being a mafia don feels like...

I won an award, for this very blog.  This was an extraordinarily exciting evening if only for the simple reason that it was the first time I'd worn heels in six months.  Humorous moment in relation to this - The two-and-a-half-hours' sleep I got after the awards before my 7am flight back to Auckland...to work.  Important life lesson - Always accept the helping hand on the treacherously steep stairs.  Lasting legacy - I'm still blogger of the year until they "crown" the next one.  Bragging rights are not to be sniffed at.

Other highlights have included -

I got really PSSD ABT TVNZs TXT LNG and what do you know?  They were actually listening.  Power to the people (and the vowels).

The time I sniffed a chair in the line of duty.

I showed people my muff shot.

I tried to get Elton John to adopt me.

Vegemite got a new name that was complete rubbish.

Now, I realise that in dishing out the "clips show" equivalent of a blog I haven't really given you anything new, plus this is my last blog for the year so I'll be abandoning you to the wilds of the internet for a couple of weeks.  So I've put together a little gift basket of amusements that you can dip into to tide you over so try the Sketchy Santas montage (turn the sound up for full festive hilarity), Hotel bed jumping (do not try this at home, seriously, I just bashed my arm into my face trying to get a good pose going - you have been warned!), plus there are also chickens, babies and cakes to be getting on with.  And if you get really bored there's always porn.

So, I hope you've enjoyed this year of blogness.  I've enjoyed bringing it to you.  If you've got any requests for 2010 feel free to share them below.  Or tell everyone what you want for Christmas (I want this and this).  Blog Idleness will return on 5th January.

Merry Christmas, all!