It's an honour just to be nominated

I do love an awards ceremony.  The glitz, the glamour, the speculation about whether it's structurally engineered lingerie that's holding up a dress (apparently Spanx can make errant tummy flab disappear quicker than a plate of sausage rolls at a roof shout) or expensive surgical intervention.  As much as others may try - The Brits have the Baftas, we have... The Young Farmer of the Year - when it comes to awards ceremonies you really can't go past the American variety.  They just have whiter teeth than everyone else.  Is it any wonder that they're so dazzling?

As you may have noticed, it is awards season in Hollywood.  The season starts with the Golden Globes and ends in March with the grandpappy of all awards ceremonies, the Oscars. In between you have a range of less important ceremonies such as the SAG (Screen Actors Guild), and Independent Spirit Awards.  I'm not really sure what either of these are but I'm confident that they're not about Susan Sarandon going bra-less on the red carpet or Kiefer Sutherland going rogue at a liquor store, more's the pity.

So, let's just say that Hollywood certainly doesn't scrimp on giving itself opportunities to honour its overachievers.  I don't begrudge the industry its right to do this.  After all, they're all doing lots of very good fundraising work for Haiti and I'm the kind of person who hardly ever gives blood because the blood donor centre isn't open at the weekend, so my own philanthropic urges are moderated by important factors...like convenience so I'm not going to make out that I'm more grounded or authentic because neither my teeth nor my boobs have been cosmetically altered. And certainly I've enjoyed the products of Hollywood's labour, but you do get the sense that all this televised self-congratulatory back-patting gives a skewed version of what is valued in our society.

So I think that there should be awards ceremonies for other people.  People who make a contribution.  People who don't necessarily get the acknowledgement that they so richly deserve.  I believe that the following folk should be blessed with an ugly statuette for their mantelpiece that doesn't go with anything -

Nurses, teachers, and whoever it is that makes sure that the stuff in my toilet ends up somewhere else - These people perform vital services for society and are rarely given "props".

My mum - I hardly ever call or visit and when we speak on the phone I often give her the snark.  I don't know why she puts up with me.  Probably it's because, unlike most people, she remembers me when I was adorable.  Also I'd love to see the look on Sandra Bullock's face when she loses out on the "top chick" award... to my mum.  I'm imagining one of those strained, fixed-in-place grins and over-enthusiastic clapping and head-nodding.

Neil Patrick Harris - Because he's awesome. (Look, I know he's a Hollywood type and probably stands a good chance of being awarded for something anyway but he's just so cool.  I mean, look at this.)

The guys who invented Baconnaise - You couldn't rightly say that Baconnaise is a great contribution to the condiment world but I love that someone, anyone, would have the idea - "I know, let's make a mayonnaise that tastes like bacon" - and that they would then make it into a real product that you can get at New World.  I won't so far as to say that it's visionary but you have to admire the gumption of someone realising their idea.  Everyone's had at least one earth-shatteringly brilliant idea and pretty much nobody does anything about it apart from a few people who end up being eviscerated on Dragon's Den...and the Baconnaise guys.  Good on them.

So, looking forward to hearing who you think deserves a glitzy awards ceremony and a goodie bag.  Do you love to hate the awards ceremonies like I do or do you watch just for the dresses (that is totally legitimate, by the way)?

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Picture: Reuters