Tell me what it is and I might buy it
Last night I was in my kitchen virtuously assembling a salad for dinner when there was a knock at the door. This urge towards healthy eating is a seasonal affliction and, much like my current "Shortland Street is not one of the necessities of life" kick that I am on, this is not expected to last more than a couple of weeks; certainly it should have run its course by the end of daylight saving time and I'll be back to banging on about the wonders of cheesecake (or Shorties beefcake) before you know it. Just in case you were wondering. But back to the knock on the door.
I had a suspicion that this knock was not caused by the hand of someone known to me. I doubted it was one of my friends stopping by because they were "in the area". Mostly because my mates and I all live pretty close to one another (yes, just like Friends except instead of dancing maniacally around a fountain you'd be more likely to find us doing so around a burning effigy of Taylor Swift, but it's roughly the same thing) so we're always "in the area" and there will be text messages exchanged before any stopping by occurs. Unannounced visits are a rarity. So, as I approached the front door, I was expecting the person on the other side of it to be intent on selling me something. If you'd asked me to guess what, I would have said "God" but as it turned out it was a bit more mundane than that.
There was something about the Telecommunications company logo on the shirt of the young man standing in front of me when I opened the door that said "I'm from a Telecommunications company". My Holmesian deductive skills led me to believe that I was about to be asked about my phone line and internet connection.
"Hi, I'm from Telecommunications company A. Do you get your phone and internet with Telecommunications company B?"
"Yes, that's right."
"And are you happy with the speed of your connection?"
"Yes, it's fine," I said, because it pretty much is fine unless I've been gorging myself on Youtube videos like a starving woman at an all-cheesecake, I mean salad, oh, who am I kidding, cheesecake smorgasbord.
"Well we've been doing some work in your area that will affect your service that I need to tell you about."
And that's the point at which I started to get twitchy. Actually, that's not true. I was already twitchy because I wasn't long out of the shower and I had a towel-turban on my head about which I was a touch self-conscious. But how could work that company A was doing have an effect on the service that company B was providing? That smelled a teeny bit fishy.
He rattled on about some recent improvement or upgrade or something and I had to ask him two or three times to be specific about what effect this would be having. It was a positive one, he assured me. But would there be some change to the service that I was currently being provided? Well, no, but the company he worked for could offer me raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
I told him that I could investigate those options for myself and bid him a civil farewell. But I have no intention of investigating. I intend to cut my nose off to spite my face, actually. Because I found the whole exchange infuriating.
Look, I know that if you're selling a product or service to people directly that there's a certain "script" that you invariably end up spouting to everyone but is it really necessary to give the impression that there's going to be some "effect" on their utilities? Because people hear these words together and think that effect = disruption and will pay closer attention, which I'm sure is the desired effect in question. I just think that it's a little disingenuous, if not sneaky, and it does nothing to improve the reputation of a) door-to-door salespeople or b) your company so I'd really rather that you cut to the chase.
Maybe it's because I fancy myself as a bit of a straight-shooter but in situations like this I inevitably hear a strident voice inside my head screaming "for the love of all that's holy just tell me what you're selling and I'll tell you if I want it or not". I know that salespeople purposely avoid being direct in favour of "building a rapport" but I find this tactic nothing short of enraging and it's hard to understand how it might "work" on anyone though I suppose it must or no one would bother doing it. Right?
So when it comes to a sales pitch do you favour the direct approach or do you want to be wooed? Is your current diet currently more salad-heavy than usual and does anyone do the impromptu pop around anymore?
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I try to avoid answering the door for this very reason. Usually who ever is standing on the other side expects me to give them a donation as opposed to buy something, however Telecom sales people with mobile phones appear at regular intervals.. and its like bloody hell I have a vodafone phone, it is better than the crap you are trying to peddle, 90% of everyone I know is on the network I already use and I haven't ever had any issues (touch wood) why would I possibly want to sell you my soul for two years?
I would rather they just say, look I know you don't want to talk to me but I'm selling phones, they pay me crap and my feet hurt, would you like to buy one?
On the other hand the other regular visitors to my door are Mormons, no jehovah witnesses but lots of mormons, to be fair they're alright boys.. its pretty funny when they call each other Elder X (they're 18yr old kids on their church OE often from Utah) but I don't think I have ever had a discussion about religion with them.
The more circuitous they are, the more pissed off I get. They try to trap you into admitting something: "Sure I like puppies". Then they offer to sell you something that you just said you liked. "But you just said you like puppies? Buy my puppies!" We tried to get a sales guy at Norman Ross to tell us how long an interest free period he could give us. The third time he failed to give us a straight answer we walked out the store. He tried to follow us, haranguing us about how he "didn't say I couldn't do it", but fortunately for us some other poor rubes crossed his path and we lost him. And he lost a decent sized sale. We were hooked on the product, and all he had to do to reel us in was be straight with us, listen, and answer our question. Instead he cut us loose with his obfuscation.
The people who knock at my door (having ignored the "This House Is Protected by Underpants Gnomes" sign) and try to start a conversation with me to establish some form of relationship before selling me something don't get far.
"Thanks, not interested". Door shuts. Curtains get closed.
Unless of course it is one of my neighbours doing a fund raising for a school group or something. Then I end up buying chocolate. Sorry, vitamins. No, actually it is chocolate (not cheesecake though, so that is ok).
On those foolish foolish occasions when I actually answer my home phone (rarely if ever) and it is a cold caller trying to sell me stuff I just hang up. Sure it isn't very polite, but they're doing a job, and the less of their time they spend on the phone hearing me say "no", the more of their job they can do.
For the most part, I'm a bit like you Moata in that I'd rather they just tell me what they're selling, and then I can politely say (because I'm always polite - they're just doing their job, after all) "Sorry, I'm not interested at the moment" or whatever. But I'm not opposed to a short exchange of pleasantries with a stranger, even if he is working up to sell me the product of the century. We should be nice to each other more often.
The hard thing though is when they talk so fast, and don't leave you any gaps to say "Thank you, but I'm not interested today." *I* will choose how long I wish to hear your spiel, thank you very much.... That's much harder when it's a telephone marketer, because you can't given them any visual clues (like staring over their shoulder, or slowly closing the door...)
I favour just not answering the door....but living in the country means no-one just pops in for annoying reasons or otherwise. The pitch always seems so corny and fake and the word "maam" is bandied about a lot so it's not often it works on me at all. I got ambushed at the shops last night and asked if my warrant or service was due cos this guy had a "deal" for me..thankfully neither were but I would have lied anyways. I don't do deals on the street.
Oooh door to door gets my goat! Ditto telemarketing.
My friendly Wine Society likes to call me far too often, purportedly just to have a chat about how I'm enjoying my last order. Then, BAM! I find out they don't just want to be my friend and discuss wine matches and frolick in fields of daisies with me.
They want to give me cirrhosis. That's the only conclusion I can draw from them trying to sell me more wine a mere month after I order sixteen bottles.
The thing i hate most about sales people is their insistance at leaving their number in the chance you change your mind, no matter how many times you say no not interested. I had some mormons come around once just when i had to be walking outside with my pet parrot, told them straight away i wasn't interested and didn't believe and they stayed for about 10 minutes making small talk about the bird but kept chucking in things unexpectently during conversation about Jesus. That was annoying...On the impromptu visits it depends who it is, some friends i'll text first, some i'll just stop by and see if they're busy and if they are no biggie, if it was important i would have text to make sure.
Live on a hill - that seems to stop the door-knockers. We hardly get anyone come to our door, but we do get the phonecalls. I think we're on some kind of special list which all telemarketers and surveyers get which says "ring these guys often, and always at dinner time".
if you work for someone who makes you call me, i apologise in advance. i have been known to say not interested the second you say 'hi, my name is x and im calling on behalf of y'
those calls bore me to tears. i have been tempted to make up answers for the suverys, but never thought it would work. plus i tend to forget things far too easily.
so instead il stick to saying not interested and being rude about it. that may be why they never call anymore.
I used to toy with such salespeople, much as a cat will play with a claw-punctured mouse with half a back leg who still thinks he's in with a chance of escape. Nowadays, they're so prolific and so agressive, I've run out of steam and simply resort to a polite no thanks and shut the door/put down the phone.
I hate that the new infomercials have no prices on them. I am loathe to ring them to find out the price because then they "have you", and I suspect make it very difficult for you to say no.
I am currently doing the no grog/healthy eating/exercise thing that always happens after the holidays. Length of duration - probably until the weekend (which starts on Thursday night)!