There is one specific person I would LOVE to get a little stabby with this week, and she has been driving me completely bonkers. I satisfy myself by having a pretend conversation in my head with her, where I am telling her how completely moronic and useless she is, and then she cries. I really, really want this conversation to become reality at some point in the very near future.

Oh boy....you asked for it, you have just opened a can of worms Moata! I think the way to stop it is to bring back the death penalty. If we had disposed of criminals in previous generations, the criminals of today may never have been born! And without wanting to sound like too much of a prude, or redneck (which i am not), children without good role models (and by that I mean parents/family, not league players and rappers) can go astray. I know there are many many reasons why some children dont have both parents, or parents have split etc, I myself come from a divorced family. But i still think sometimes it happens way too easily, people dont try and make things work, and often its the kids that suffer. Yes, this is a huge generalisation, and not always the case, but there has to be some validity? I know of girls who have worked for me, who have decided they can earn more money by getting pregnant and staying home, especially if they have 3 or more kids. Once again, i do understand how this can happen, but when it is done deliberately to earn money, with no father around, then it is asking for trouble. The scary thing is, it will only get worse.

Always carry a rubber chicken.

If you are about to get stabbed, show the stabber the rubber chicken. It will defeat them entirely, and they will not stab you.

If you are prone to rage, carry a book with strategically highlighted passages* That way, when the police have you in custody after you have gone on a killing rampage, it makes you look more interesting to the media, and some lawyer might write a book about you.

* this idea may have been shamelessly stolen from a movie with Christian "Domestic Violence" Slater and Wynona "Lifter" Ryder in it.

I can attest the dangers of chopsticks.

Once, I thought it would be a good idea to sharpen mine in a pencil sharpener. This way, me and my friend can sword fight with them.

Naturally, my clever best friend was attempting to persuede us to put DOWN the chopsticks, as "they were dangerous" and "somebody could get hurt". In the process of holding her hands up in the familiar STOP position, I was also bringing down my chopstick and it stabbed right into the squishy part of her hand between the index finger and the thumb.

Of course the silly bat wasn't clever enough to properly take care of it, so it got infected and her father banned me from life from ever seeing her again - less than a month before I was moving to New Zealand, never to see her again.

We had secret meetings at fast food restaurants, unbeknowest to him.

I find watching laughing baby videos very soothing to rage.

@xLeahx #1 I always find those conversations go much much better in my head than they ever do in real life and that you either feel like an idiot or a right proper heel for trying to do it.

I have considered violence twice this week.. once when I got home last night and confronted a kitchen full of dirty dishes made by my flatmates and then a second time this morning when I confronted a toilet filled with unmentionable smelly filth courtesy of same flatmates only to proceed to the kitchen and find even more dishes than there were the night before... have left disgruntled note saying please wash dishes on the fridge. Will institute nagging when I get home this arvo.

I also believe we have underestimated the role video games play in this crime increase. When I was a boy, video games were fantasy....space invaders, firing at aliens etc, or sports games. Nowadays they involve car chases, escaping from police, running over pedestrians, beating up people in the streets etc. Ok, so they are only games, but when kids play them from a young age, they subconsciously believe these things are ok...not to mention the fact that when you die, you just get another life (ok, the Hindu kids believed this anyway). It is all about how tough you are, how fast you can drive, how violent you can be....and it transfers over to trying to impress their friends in real life by being like that. Dam....I am starting to sound like an old grandad talking about "the good old days". P.S. Moata...I was growing up in the 80's, going to the Palladium, Firehouse etc. I dont believe our music was better back then! haha.

brilliant. love it Moata. and you are so right about the aussies; with their aggressiveness and lack of basic manners they have a lot in common with Zombies and our policy of lying low and hoping they don't notice us can only last so long.

I second Courtney's suggestion of laughing baby videos. Animals rubbing themselves on things is pretty good at easing tension too, for them and for you!

Yes it's all fun and games until the zombie apocalypse arrives. Then you'll all be sorry!

I practise a philosophy of speaking my mind. It's almost got me fired several times. But it sure beats bottling up your seething rage against morons.

If someone doesn't like what you say when you are angry about something - then they can devote time and energy to chewing out their own liver over it.

Studies have shown that The Breeze has been broadcasting during 100% of all serious violence incidents in the last 7 years. I think that is a clear indication that the Breeze should be taken off the air.

I have a question re this "Thou Shalt Not Kill" edict. The first one doesn't count though right?