I don't wanna talk about it
Having a conversation with a perfect stranger about your sputum is really not one of life's bright, shining moments. Really, having a conversation with anyone about sputum is best avoided where possible.
Given the choice, there are innumerable things that I'd much rather engage in chitchat about, including but not limited to - the weird purple dinosaur in those Switched On Gardener ads (aka Budzilla), pear recipes, the miracle of someone called Meat Loaf having a successful career in anything let alone the entertainment industry, and of course, the weather. But sometimes circumstances bring you to a pharmacy with a distractingly bad cough and there you are answering questions about the nature of your phlegm. Life is funny like that sometimes.
To be honest I was quite happy that I was offered assistance by the pharmacy lady. When it comes to cough medicine there really is a dizzying array of them on offer. I stood in front of the display sending out psychic vibes of the "I have no idea where to start with this" variety. When it comes to retail, this is a very ineffective way of getting staff attention most of the time but this woman was the Sue Nicholson of pharmacists. She was "sensing confusion" and she was right.
And that's how I ended up having a conversation that involved the word sputum. It's also how I ended up with a bottle of cough mixture that in colour and viscosity looks exactly the same as the brand of dishwashing liquid that I favour. Having taken another look at the bottle though, I've realised that at $18 for a 200ml bottle it costs about the same as absinthe or chartreuse, both of which are similarly hued and are also not to be consumed before operating heavy machinery.
The realisation of how expensive my cough syrup is makes me think that I should be sipping a snifter of it in a genteel manner with some crudites rather than slurping it unceremoniously out of a measuring spoon. Either that or setting it on fire and slamming shots of it. Quite possibly I could have shopped around and found a similar product for cheaper but who wants to do that when they're sick? Having a single sputum conversation is bad enough, having multiple in one day would be intolerable.
But when I think about it there are very few conversational taboos left in mixed company. Anything to do with your menstrual cycle is absolutely off-limits but these days it seems okay to talk about any number of personal things. When I'm with my friends we are often "no holds barred" when it comes to potential conversational topics. One particularly memorable dinner at a local pizza restaurant involved celebrity cannibalism (if you had to eat a celebrity which one would you go for - I thought Gwyneth Paltrow would be "healthy but bland"). This is what passes as appropriate dinner conversation with my friends but it is entirely likely that my experience is a little skewed.
What do you consider "the things about which you shall not speak"? Open and frank (or just plain silly) conversation is a good thing but where do you draw the line? In conversation with friends or strangers, when do you start to feel uncomfortable?
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I don't feel uncomfortable talking about anything to anyone except the general manager and managing director of my work. Anyone else is free reign to potentially (and most likely) make uncomfortable.
But my mother takes the cake on making staff uncomfortable. She had this poor 18 year old working at Kmart in the undies section and my mom barrelled to her saying I'M FAT AND I'M OLD, demanding comfortable undies. I think the poor girl peed a little.
ps; I would eat Kirstie Alley. That way I wouldn't go hungry.
Menstural cycle is not off limits! See Janes blog. Although I guess the gory details are off limits.
For me talking about number 2's is off limits too. And anything to do with Startreck/world of warcraft/farmville - definately off limits!
I recall one restaurant conversation that revolved around whether the female members of the party had ever seen their own urethras. Enlightening to say the least, and more than a little hilarious. There isn't much that is off limits in my circle of friends. I find that relationships and politics are far more sensitive topics than any body related taboo's.
It really depends on the audience.
Obviously Jane Yee was comfortable talking to a bunch of complete strangers about her monthly sobbing sessions.
LOL, Jane's blog has already been mentioned. Seem's many woman are eager to discuss their menstral cycle on an anonymous online blog. The men went into the garage to drink and do men-things. I think we'd need a few stiff drinks to talk about it amongst friends.
jenn #3: psst. Star TREK.
Some conversations have a time and place. Last night we went out to dinner and were merrily discussing the drunken antics of the weekend and the subsequent results. These conversations were not allowed to continue once our food arrived.
Nothing is sacred amoungst me and my friends, from frequency of sex with our husbands to periods and (my friend) crapping herself on the way to a meeting, she thought it was a fart!
Strangers however, unless medically trained, get nudda.
Guys - do not google "Mooncup." It's like the "Two Girls - One Cup" video - but grosser.
I heard of a study recently that found cough syrup works no better on coughs than a placebo. That's some expensive sugar syrup!
Hi Sweetie,
You do know that all the medical evidence is that cough medicine is completely ineffective? So if it costs as much as Chartreuse, you are better off with Chartreuse, which tastes better and has the interesting effect of transporting you to another universe if taken in sufficient quantity.
Although when I was a student, our Benylin punch was the talk of the town...
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Didn't you see Jane's blog last week? Menstrual cycle discussions are much easier amongst strangers, with friends I'd require a few stiff drinks first. Having said that, I'm usually the person who gets told to get back behind the line.
My problem with the sputum convo is I usually can't remember the colour. I've occasionally thought "how about you give me a minute, I'll hack some into a tissue & you can decide yourself how to describe it". Somehow, I know that's not what to say to the doctor/pharmacist.