May contain SSE (Slight Sarcasm Emissions)

Remember when men were men, women were women, and chicken was fried?  Not grilled, not oven-baked.  Fried.  And peddled by a goatee-wearing guy in a bow-tie.  And did we have a problem with that?  Well, I certainly didn't.  We loved our Kentucky Fried Chicken, our K-fry, didn't we?

But the erstwhile marketing boffins/chicken friers of Kentucky were not so sure and in the nineties they changed good old Kentucky Fried to KFC, fearing that the word "fried" might lead us to make accurate and unfortunate associations with unhealthy eating.  Yes, because the moist towelettes they used to give you to wipe your grease-covered fingers certainly didn't suggest the presence of high fat content in their "meals".  Yep, just take out the F-word and it's like you're eating a macrobiotic mixed salad that's been nurtured into existence on an all-organic farm, in a reclaimed materials greenhouse with good feng shui that features an irrigation system that gently moistens plants with the tepid tears of unicorns.  Or something like that.

Upon hearing of this marketing ploy I absolutely refused to refer to the chain as KFC...ever.  I was filled with scorn.  Yes ladies and gents, I can do scorn pretty damn well. I can do scorn in my sleep with one hand tied behind my back.  I'm so scorny I can give you an ingrown toenail just with the power of my "scorn vision".  Beware my scorn for it is powerful and irresponsibly wielded.  I was stubborn and resolute.  I could not be "tricked" into not mentioning that KFC was fried.  What did they take me for?

But then eventually everyone came to call it that, and so did I.  With all the best scornful intentions in the world I slipped seamlessly into calling it KFC.  I never forgot about the fried-ness but I forgot about saying it out loud.

I was reminded of how easily I accepted this acronym into my life last night when I came across rather a different one. It was in one of those ads that you accept will turn up on television from time to time but which you always inwardly flinch at.  It featured women who are afraid of sneezing.  You know the ones.  Don't make me spell it out.  Well, it used to be spelled w...e...e but now, according to Poise, it's LBL (or "Light Bladder Leakage" for the fully continent (?) amongst you).

Yes, if you find pretty much everything pants-wettingly funny, you can now completely avoid making reference to urine by calling your problem LBL.  It's brilliant really and though I was scornful when KFC did it, I now think that anything slightly disconcerting should be abbreviated thusly.  In the vein of LBL, that unfortunate Gulf of Mexico situation should now be known as a "Light Oil Leakage" or LOL, which is much more appealing and will make people think it is incredibly funny and not horribly disturbing.

But why stop there? A bit fat? That's just some MMO (Mild Midsection Overflow).  Cheat on your wife? You've just have IFI (Inconsistent Fidelity Issues).  It's all so easy with an acronym in place.  We should acronymise everything.  So what do you think?  Could your life use some acronyms?

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Picture: Reuters