Outing Angelina Goofy

Goofy. Man-dog of mystery. Wearer of hats and waistcoats. When Angelina Jolie, in an interview recently described herself as "goofy", I couldn't help but think of the Disney dog and make a bit of a comparison. 

Could Angelina Jolie actually be Goofy or somehow related to him? Here are the highly scientific, rigorously researched results of my indepth Wikipedia-based investigation. I think you'll find it poses some very hard-hitting, important questions about celebrities and cartoon characters that no one has previously brought into a public forum like this one.

Body type - Goofy, unlike most dogs stands on his hind legs (although some cats have been known to do this) thereby increasing his height significantly. Basically, he's your tall, lanky type. Jolie is also tall and slender and seems to walk well on her hind legs.

Facial features - As a canine, Goofy's most prominent feature is his prominent jaw and mouth. Jolie also has a quite pronounced mandible, though outdoes Goofy in the lips department as he doesn't appear to actually have any. They also differ in that Goofy only appears to have two widely spaced teeth whereas Jolie has the full complement.

Mind you, everything in Hollywood is fake so we can't rule out dentures. Also note the similarity of colouring in terms of skin and hair. Where else would you find that combination of sort of beigey skin and dark pelt/hair? No one else in the world looks like that, I'm pretty sure.

The laugh - Another one of Goofy's noteworthy features is his laugh which sounds a bit like someone choking on mayonnaise (which, by the by, I nearly did once. A word to the wise, no matter how cravey you are don't try and neck it straight from the jar like a first year engineering student at an end of term stein...it will end badly). 

Having watched at least three films in which Angelina Jolie appeared and not noticed her laughing in any of them I am going to assume that she's 'hiding' her Goofy laugh by picking roles where she is a humourless tombraider/assassin/car thief. I put it to you that if she ever did laugh in public that the gig would very much be up. Either that or she is just 'acting'. Like what she did that time when she had to be Colin Farrell's mum in that movie where he had a Home and Away surfie dye-job and took over the world.

Genetic throwback - This child looks like it could be Shiloh when she was younger. Sometimes some traits (like the green hat) skip a generation.

So there you have it. Incontravertible proof that Angelina Jolie is Goofy's lovechild, along with Max, his son from a later relationship. It's shocking, I know, and there are bound to be ramifications but I just thought you guys deserved to know.

Personally, I think I'm a bit Scrooge McDuck with a sizeable portion of Goofy and a big ole rasher of Miss Piggy on top, who isn't even a cartoon character and shouldn't be included but I don't care. I look good in pink and am expert in the over shoulder hair flick. Miss Piggy is my people.

How about you? Clearly Angelina Jolie is in touch with her inner goof, but are you a Minnie Mouse, a  Donald Duck, a Powdered Toast Man?