Stick you, your mama too (and your daddy)

01:09, Mar 09 2012

Now some of you might be wondering why, via the medium of this blog's title, I've dared to dredge up the ghost of a horribly catchy and obnoxious Daphne and Celeste number from the late nineties. And well you might.

Well, for two reasons, the first being that I wanted an excuse to link to this footage of old "D & C" getting bottled at the Reading Festival in 2000 (I was in that crowd but didn't throw my bottle because...well, it was hot, and I was thirsty) and the second is because when you're writing a post about the general appallingness of the "My Family" range of stickers that bedeck the rear windows of cars everywhere, there isn't anything more appropriate than the title of that particular song. Unfortunately.

So yes. The stickers. Ever since I first noticed these unrelentingly smiley stick figure families gurning at me from rear windows I can't stop noticing them. Stopped at traffic lights, walking through car parks, my eye is drawn to them...because I hate them.

I've tried to figure out where this antipathy comes from. Are they hurting me? No. Are they hurting anyone? No. Are they so aesthetically ugly that they're innately offensive? Well, they're not exactly beautiful but neither are they an affront to the eyeballs. So what is it about them that makes me so angry? 

I can only assume that it's because they're so "samey". They purport to be something that helps a family express their personality but only seems to end up screaming "we are a generic middle-class family unit". Or maybe it's just the immense smiley faces. I do have a fairly low tolerance for aggressive cheerfulness.

Whatever the cause I pretty much assumed it was just me. Until I asked on Twitter whether anyone else thought they were naff and was overwhelmed with the number of people who also think they are hideous. A hat tip must be given in the direction of @artandmylife who pointed out that some people have gone further than just hating on them and have created their own decidedly less naff versions. Of course, my personal favourite is the zombie family version.

Advertisement

For myself, I find that I have the need to create subversive backstories for these white stick figure families. Below is my take on just a few of the sticker families I've seen in the last few weeks.

I've actually seen a second "chasing the wife with a golf club" configuration since I took this photo. Am I the only one who sees this?

I feel sorry for the kids...and the two cats...and the dog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can totally understand this couple being excited about their baby. A baby is a pretty unique and special thing. I mean, it's not like there's a baby born every second of every minute of every hour, every day. Right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This car was parked outside a suburban home. I consider this sort of a "McDonald's menu" for burglars. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guess what? Burglary mum is leading a double life and has a whole other family, not to mention another set of handbags. If I were laptop dad or BBQ dad I'd be pretty angry.

And of the 12 options available for a sticker that represents you, who picks HANDBAGS? I mean, I like a clutch purse as much as the next girl but that's not how I define myself.

Good grief, sort your bigamist self out, lady.

 

 

 

These stickers seem to be from a slightly different set, namely the "Disney douchebag" set.

Honestly, I saw this and wished for a flame thrower to burn their smug little faces off. Is that wrong?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So yeah. Not really a fan of the family stickers and at least tentative investigation suggests that I am not alone. Do you feel similarly cringey every time you see them? If so, can you pinpoint what exactly it is that you hate about them? Have you seen any particularly awful family configurations?

» Follow me on Facebook and Twitter.