There are a lot of important things that might occupy a person's mind on any given morning - the effect of Greece's unstable economy might have on global markets, the effect that my hacking cough might have on my workmates, or even whether a zombie outbreak might be imminent - instead I find myself pondering why I feel so antagonistic toward Delta Goodrem.
There is nothing especially offensive about Delta Goodrem. She's Australian. She does pop songs and sometimes turns up in movies. She has nice hair. But ever since I happened to wander through the living room as the Silver Fox was watching the State of Origin pre-game show and catch La Goodrem-two-shoes belting out her latest single she has never been far from my thoughts.
To be specific, I have had that damn song in my head for days now. To be fair it is doing an alternating tag-team combo with Adele's Someone Like You mainly because I made the mistake of watching a clip of newscaster extraordinaire and karaoke virtuoso Mike McRoberts doing a turn of this song recently.
So when I'm not being annoyed at Adele for not getting over her ex quickly enough I'm suffering at the hands of Delta's irrepressibly upbeat and infectiously catchy song about....look, I'm not really sure what it's about. I do know that she's sitting on top, sitting on top of the wo-o-orld but I can't really venture much of an interpretation of what it all means. I do know that there's ululating and caterwauling and I get the feeling that the overall effect is supposed to be uplifting rather than infuriating.
And everything was made worse by the music video, which I inadvertently saw last night. In it Delta wears different outfits and carries balloons and skips. And brightly clothed people dance behind her. And it's all very peppy and gosh, just so much fun.
I hate it more than I have any reasonable right to.
I genuinely cannot understand why I find it so awful. It's completely harmless. As far as I know, no puppies were mistreated in the process of making it or anything. It's really not a horrible video. Maybe it's just that to me, the video screams "I AM CHARMING AND SWEET. LOVE ME! LOVE ME OR BE DOOOOOOOMED!"
I went to bed last night with that song ping-ponging around in my head. Then when I got up this morning and flicked on the TV, there it was again, haranguing me with its brightly coloured cheerfulness.
And somewhere in central Christchurch a woman in a bathrobe mouthed a silent scream and sobbed into her microwave porridge.
Even as I'm writing this, tapping angrily at the keys, I have the ever-present Delta for company. I really wish she were sitting on top, sitting on top of the wo-o-orld...so that I could push her off it.
Look, I'm not proud of that fact I feel this way. I don't know what it says about me that I can't just embrace the cheerfulness of it. I'm sure things would be easier for me if I did. Like in The Chronicles of Riddick when Thandie Newton explains that if you fight the brainwashing it'll only hurt more. There's no actual physical pain so far, though I do have a certain stiffness in my shoulders. Could that be related to this? What the hell, let's blame Delta for that too.
Suffered any earworms lately? Is it just me or is Delta Goodrem just too nice to like?
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