The time for tights is upon us

03:43, Jun 08 2012

So this week's posts are very much in a wintry theme. It's hard not to be thinking wintry thoughts when everything has such a "north of the wall"* look about it.

Naturally it is a time of gloves and earmuffs, of thick socks and gumboots and, for some of us, tights.

Me, I like a bit of nice, thick, tight action. Usually in company with a pair of "don't even think about messing with me, fool" boots, perhaps these ones. But finding a good, reliable pair of tights is like the search for the hopefully-not-holey grail. When it comes to buying tights, you pays your money (and you can easily pay $20 a pair)...you takes your chances.

The potential pitfalls are many. Sizes vary greatly. Even though the packets come with a size guide these cannot always be trusted. And I have been sucked in by the "one size fits all" description more than once. Clearly I am not in the tights "mainstream". And then there's what happens when you accidentally buy the tummy-sucking-in kind.

My friend Josie is of the opinion that opaque tights are manufactured to less robust standards than they used to be as part of a conspiracy to get us to buy more pairs. Who knows, maybe she's right? She wouldn't be the first woman to rip a pair of supposedly thick hose on the first wear, would she?

And then there's the ones that are substantial enough not to tear immediately but, like me with a hangover, swiftly lose their desire to be up. I have a pair of bright blue tights that are great in every other respect except that they start the day with their waistband just under my boobs but by early afternoon this has migrated to somewhere between my belly-button and disaster. This is in fact a literal pitfall of the winter season since these tights regularly fall from somewhere near my pits.

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So, I'm really keen for any tips on which brands of tights are the best. I think part of the difficulty in hunting out a good pair of tights comes from that fact that they all look so similar in a drawer. They very rarely have an identifying label or tag so you find yourself picking up a pair and thinking "are these the good ones or the 'getting them on is an epic struggle' pair?" Also when you do find a pair that perform well and want to buy more from the same brand, you find you can't because there's nothing on them to tell you who made them.

Am I really going to have to create a complicated matrix chart and sew different-coloured buttons on to all my pairs so that I can be scientific about this? Because, honestly, I am far too lazy for that. I'd much rather crowd-source this bugger.

So ladies (or chaps if you have experience in this area) do you have a brand or line of tights that you swear by? Do you suffer similar tight-related humiliations? Is there an actual conspiracy afoot or is it only an al-leg-ed conspiracy**?

*Game of Thrones reference. Apologies to those of you without SoHo channel or large broadband allowances.

**Boom! Double leg/foot pun in one sentence. I'm pretending to be proud of this fact rather than ashamed.

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