Pillow talk

23:30, Jul 04 2012

My new pillow is giving me a flareup of "middle class anxiety".

To understand why this is so, you probably need to know that I grew up on the DPB. Despite what you may have been led to believe, this was not a life of luxury wherein we had Kentucky Fried for tea every night and free weed on Thursdays. On the contrary, we had to do without a reasonable amount of the time.

My point is that my family has been working class for as long as anyone can remember, so much so that I sometimes still think of myself in this way even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary (our household income is not too shabby, I consider an iPhone as a necessity of life - that kind of thing). However, my new pillow, in all its foamy innocence, is reminding me on a daily basis of my middling place on the socioeconomic scale.

My pillow cost $99.99. In my defence, I didn't pay full price for it because it was (here comes my holy mantra) On Sale. In fact, I only paid $70 for said pillow. Still, to someone like me 70 bucks for a pillow feels like an extravagance on par with having a gold-plated stapler. I mean, the thing even came in its own box. A box! For a pillow! What, were they afraid someone was going to break it? This only confirmed my bias that fancy pillow people are not like normal people.

The picture at right is my "artist's interpretation" of what a $100 pillow should reasonably look like, i.e. that it should be made of clouds and come bedecked with donuts and a giant rasher of bacon. I would happily pay $100 for that.

But I do have a good reason for entering, somewhat reluctantly, into the ranks of "fancy pillow people". It's my neck, you see.

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A while back I noticed on waking that I had a bit of neck and shoulder ouchiness. More than a bit, actually. I fully expected that this was caused by my odd habit of Voguing in my sleep. I seem to frequently "strike a pose", wrenching my neck at strange angles. It's not unusual for me to wake up with no idea where my right arm is because I've completely lost feeling in it from shoulder to fingertip due to the fact that I've rather artfully flung it up over my head. It's quite a strange sensation to expect your arm to be down by your side only to find it's somewhere else. I can't say as I recommend it, to be honest.

Still, I expected that the pain would ease once I got a few nights of uncontorted sleep in. But it didn't and I felt that there were only so many shoulder rubs I could ask the Silver Fox to give me before I should really start paying him.

In the meantime, the neck was starting to bug me as I would often forget it was a bit tender and turn quickly to catch sight of something only to yelp as my neck reminded me of the state of play. I didn't want to miss out on anything important and could well imagine the following dialogue taking place:

Silver Fox: Whoa! Check it out! There's a woman over there wearing a pair of Crocs as a hat!

Moata: What? Where? *turns* Aaaargh!

Silver Fox: Are you screaming because it's really ugly or have you hurt your neck?

Moata: BOTH!

So something had to be done. Which is how I ended up spending perfectly good shoe money on a sculpted "memory foam" pillow from Farmers.

I don't know. I almost feel as if pillows, like coathangers and socks, are the sort of thing that should just exist in your home and that you should never really have to outlay significant funds to replace them.

And yet, here I am, now a "fancy pillow person". I feel like such a diva.

It's been less than a week with the new pillow and I'm sort of getting used to it though its lack of snuggliness annoyed me a little to start with. Is it improving the state of my neck? Not sure at this stage. It's certainly not getting any worse, so we'll just have to see how that goes. I suppose, I may even get used to the idea of being a "fancy pillow person". Certainly a gold-plated stapler still seems pretty far off, so maybe there is hope for me still.

Do you ever wake up to find yourself contorted into weird postures?* Are any of you fancy pillow people too? Is $100 for a pillow the height of extravagance or have you done worse?

* It's all right. I fully expect some of you to go smutty with your answer to this question. Just keep it publishable...

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