On reaching Ugly Sandal age

Last updated 13:36 02/11/2012

There comes a moment in your life when you realise that you're just not a Hip Young Thing anymore. Actually, that's not true. There are lots of moments like that. My first one came when I realised that The Princess Bride was 20 years old. It's 25 years old now. What you actually get are a succession of these moments, and as you get older the space between them gets smaller and smaller until the noteworthy moments are those during which you feel uncharacteristically young.

At least I'm guessing that's how it works. I'll let you know when I get there.

But let's just say that this week there have been several things that have made me feel every one of my 37 years and then a few extra ones. Am an under no illusions. These are signposts on the way to "aged and irrelevant". But it's okay. I've made my peace with it. No, really. I'M FINE.

Signs that you are within cooee of buying a pair of those really ugly but (presumably) super comfortable lace-up sandals that older women seem to wear


  • You use phrases like "within cooee"
  • You only know the New Zealand Vodafone Music Awards are on because of Twitter hashtags but you couldn't be less interested, not when (Downton Abbey spoiler ahead!) Edith is being jilted at the altar and Cousin-Husband Matthew's hair has just inherited a Very Large Sum of Money. All you know about the NZVMAs is that everyone seems to hate Six60...apart from the hoardes of people who buy their music.
  • In the last week you have been followed on Twitter by a golf course and a menopause remedy. You have no use for either at present but should "The Change of Life" also come with a caddy, a small battery operated covered buggy and an excuse to carry bludgeoning weapons you might almost look forward to it.
  • You have tickets to go and hear Michael Palin (globetrotter adored by nanas everywhere) talk tonight...about Brazil.
  • You also have tickets to a day long concert at the weekend but just want to know what time Goodshirt is on so you don't have to stay late. Because if you do you'll just be tired and irritable and you have things to do on Sunday like gardening and Googling illnesses you might one day have.
  • You will make a point of heading to the 18+ area at said gig, not because you want to get riotously drunk but because the notion of going to an all-ages gig and not being in the 18+ area makes your forehead ache.


As party season starts to spool up like the giant planet-killing laser on the Death Star, I'm struck by how much I really, truly am not a kid anymore* and that I will probably behave in a boring, moderate way far more than I used to.

When was the last time you felt like you were mere steps away from the Ugly Sandal phase of your life? Does anyone know where to buy those from?

*Anyone who has been in the same room as me when Gangnam Style is playing could be forgiven for thinking otherwise, but honestly I really am a boring old piece of baggage these days.


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