Moata's Blog Idle

Moata Tamaira is a librarian with a black-belt in sarcasm who's been meaning to get one in procrastination too but always ends up watching TV instead. Her blog is an unholy mash-up of whimsy, cynicism and wry observation.

The best literary boyfriend ever

05:00am 21 Apr 2015

MOATA TAMAIRA

It is the height of foolishness to fall in love with a literary character.

For one thing, they never call. Nor do they do thoughtful things like put a hot water bottle in your side of the bed and wrap your pyjamas around it on a cold night. The only candlelit dinner you can share with one is the kind you make yourself, and they are downright useless when it comes to heavy lifting or stacking firewood. 

The Bachelor may seem greedy with his harem of girlfriends but literary boyfriends are even worse. You have to share them with thousands of people, not to mention the actual heroine of the piece.

I found myself thinking about my favourite literary crush with the news that Jonathan Crombie, who played Gilbert Blythe in the Anne of Green Gables TV series, had recently died at the relatively young age of 48.

Twelve-year-old me was deeply, deeply in love with Mr Crombie/Gilbert. Even now, I put my preference for a man in a nice tweed flat cap down to him.

Read More

Why Campbell Live should live

05:00am 14 Apr 2015

MOATA TAMAIRA

Late last week it became apparent that current affairs show Campbell Live may be for the chop.

To say that this displeases me would be a major understatement. My 1 year old refusing to eat anything but avocado and toast "displeases" me. Campbell Live facing the axe makes me downright furious.

Nobody does anger like John Cleese

I probably shouldn't be taking this so hard. I should be used to this kind of thing by now. Stuff I like tends to get canned. Apparently my tastes are bizarre and unattractive to the masses. YOU SUCK, BY THE WAY. Whoever you are. Baby boomers probably. God, you guys are terrible (not you, mum - you're cool).

Where was I? Oh yes, that's right... blind rage.

Read More

Confessions of an X-Phile

05:00am 10 Apr 2015

MOATA TAMAIRA

It is the mid-1990s. I am an undergraduate humanities student at the University of Canterbury. One of my favourite pastimes involves sitting in the subterranean depths of the Mac Lab under the main library building wearing a stone-wash denim jacket emblazoned with a small X-Files badge I got free with a comic book and indulging in my favourite obsession. That obsession, as you've probably guessed, is The X-Files.

This was my first experience of The Internet providing a platform for fandom. I was a frequent reader of, and sometime poster at, ATXF (aus.tv.x-files). For those of you too young to remember this was a "newsgroup" where you could post messages to like-minded folk. ATXF was a place to wax lyrical about the last episode of The X-Files that had screened (though being an Australian group timings were always a bit out for New Zealanders). It was sort of like commenting on a plain text forum.

There were sometimes "flame wars". There were often limerick competitions. It wasn't unusual to find postings about the interior decor of Fox Mulder's apartment. Rewritings of pop song lyrics with an X-Files theme were common.

I may have, at one point, penned one of these using Shaggy's hit Mr Boombastic as an opportunity to wax lyrical on the first season episode Squeeze. This featured a series of murders committed by (SPOILER) a liver-consuming, hibernating, serial killer called Eugene Tooms. My version of the song, naturally included the line "Mr liver lover". Thank you, thank you! I'll get my coat ...

I would apologise for how terrible this all was but the fact is, you do cringeworthy things when you're in love. And I was. Obsessively. I watched and recorded every episode. I devoured any magazine article about the show. I read the comics (which introduced me to artists like Charlie Adlard who would go on to draw The Walking Dead).  

Read More

The Return (to work) of The Mummy

05:00am 07 Apr 2015

MOATA TAMAIRA

Kia ora all! Sorry about the lack of posts last week. There was a bit of drama happening around our way that I won't go into, but things are back on a slightly more even keel this week so blogs will be happening again.

I hope you didn't miss me too badly but please remember that crying, whether from genuine sadness or out of relief, is OK. You don't have to keep it all bottled up inside, dear internet person. Let it out.

Speaking of having a good old blub, I have done a bit of that recently myself. And not just because that Twin Peaks really, really, really late third season is looking a lot less likely now.

It's actually because starting next week I am returning to full-time work. Or, that is, I'm returning to full-time paid employment.

Naturally I'm nervous about this for a number of reasons.

Read More

Everybody needs good neighbours

05:00am 26 Mar 2015

MOATA TAMAIRA

We have neighbours, and like a lot of people we don't really have that much to do with them. We nod if we happen to be at our front gates at the same time or occasionally say hello, or like yesterday, cautiously introduce The Master to their cute dogs. Contact is infrequent but benign.

But then there's one neighbour. Why is there always one who is a massive pain in your arse? He has this uncanny knack of gearing up his stereo just as we're trying to go to sleep, usually in the middle of the week. We've had several polite conversations with him over the back fence, late at night asking him to turn it down and usually he does.

One time he was blasting Ed Sheeran across our bow, and in defence claimed he was wooing a lady. Fair enough. I'm not sure that women are generally impressed with having their eardrums beaten into submission by Thinking Out Loud (that strikes me as more of a quiet, romantic, snuggling track) but what do I know?

A big part of the problem is that he has his stereo cranked up to 11 and his back door wide open. If it were closed the sound wouldn't travel as far. Another part of the problem is that we have a 1 year old who likes to wake up early and so our sleep is precious to us. I used to be something of a night owl but not any more. So our relatively early bedtime (10ish) doesn't really fit well with whatever schedule our neighbour is running to.

The most recent episode was on Tuesday night. The Silver Fox had gone to bed early because due to a meeting in Auckland he'd had an insanely early start (4am). It was just before 10pm and I was just about to head to bed when the toddler woke up crying and the neighbour's stereo started blasting Higher by Creed. Now, I know that the band Creed is universally reviled as The Worst but I've never been as offended by them as many other people are. But whatever the song, I know that kid's not going to go back to sleep with music booming through the house.

Read More

Blog terms and conditions

You're welcome to post in the comments section of our blogs. Please keep comments under 400 words. When submitting a comment, you agree to be bound by our terms and conditions.

Special offers

Featured Promotions

Sponsored Content