PG (Parental Guidance Advised)

Having children means a lifetime of awe-inspiring, scary, puzzling and funny experiences. And it’s good to talk about them, right? Join Donnelle Belanger-Taylor, Melissa McDonnell and Hamish Denston in a blog about being a parent.

Leaving your baby

09:15am 10 Feb 2012

26 comments

HAMISH DENSTON

I started a new job at the end of last year, and it involves occasional travel. I've just returned from the first of these trips, which required me to spend the night in Auckland, home being Wellington. This was also the first time I've had to spend a night away from my family since my daughter was born.

Now I have to come clean, the above statement isn't entirely accurate. My wife took our daughter to see relatives in Australia last year for a couple of days, but this is the first time where I've been the one to go away. I know it's a bit of a semantic difference, but somehow it just felt really different. It felt as if, when my girls were away, I was still there holding the fort, able to provide support from home base if necessary. But when I was the one travelling, I felt more disconnected from my family. It was very isolating, knowing that if I was needed for whatever reason, I couldn't be there. Of course my wife had everything under control, but this wasn't a rational feeling!

I've travelled for work before, but this was a totally new experience for me, the feelings that it brought up. I have to say, I didn't care much for it. I just had to keep telling myself that it was all just part of providing for the family that I was missing so much - and this was only for one night! Planes

I'd be lying if I said the trip was all bad though. It was productive from a work point of view, which helped take the edge off missing the family. It would have been harder to deal with if it had felt like a waste of time. I also managed to catch up with an old friend for an evening of cool beer and grown-up conversation (well, as grown-up as male conversation gets). And then there was the hotel...

My employer has, as companies often do, negotiated a good corporate rate with a very nice hotel. I took full advantage of the comfy bed, the lack of dogs and not being woken up in the middle of the night. I honestly can't remember the last time I slept so well!

One kid, two kids, three kids, more?

08:40am 09 Feb 2012

69 comments

MELISSA MCDONNELL

I was chatting with friends the other night and discussing the number and age gaps between their children, what was manageable, whether they would change it, and the reasons why.

The reason I asked was that I was about to look after a friend's 18-month-old boy for the day, and figured it wouldn't make too much difference to my daily routine looking after my 27-month and 11-month-old girls. Surely, another wee one playing around the yard wouldn't make that much difference, would it?

Besides, it would be great practice and a good opportunity to see how I would fare when number three comes along (if all goes to plan, anyway).

All the mothers with three-plus children gave each other a knowing look, took a deep breath, and a few went on to share their stories. kids

One said that the jump from having two to three children was massive on several levels. With two children she would think nothing of popping to the supermarket to grab a few groceries, but with three boisterous boys in tow, she no longer even entertains the idea.

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Parenting is more than a feeding choice

09:18am 07 Feb 2012

117 comments

DONNELLE BELANGER-TAYLOR

You've no doubt heard the big kerfuffle about Piri Weepu's anti-smoking ad; it's pretty hard to miss since it's been all over the internet, newspaper, talkback radio and television. The thing is, there was no kerfuffle until this article ran in the Herald on Sunday.

The government-funded Health Sponsorship Council, the group making the anti-smoking ad, captured footage of Piri with his daughter, including a scene of him bottle-feeding his daughter.

Eventually realising that the bottle-feeding footage might compromise the message of the government-funded breastfeeding campaign, HSC made La Leche League and other organisations aware of the ad, and LLL provided feedback. The league's response was that the bottle-feeding footage was unnecessary, given the other father-daughter interactions and that it would detract from other health promotion campaigns.

I don't know about you, but I'd certainly prefer that my tax dollars went towards promoting consistent messages.

Another organisation initiated an email campaign. A line which has provoked much outrage ("The damage that this shot of a celebrity All Black will do to breastfeeding in New Zealand Aotearoa will be significant") was from those emails, not from La Leche League correspondence.

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Stop! Potty time

08:00am 03 Feb 2012

22 comments

HAMISH DENSTON

You might be committing a major social sin if you discuss potty time in a Facebook status, but this is a parenting blog and so this topic is fair game!

Our girl's coming up on two years old, and we decided to take advantage of the summer weather and the holidays to start potty training in earnest. We'd heard the horror stories and were preparing for the worst, or even a year's delay before trying again, but after a slow start, I'd say so far it's going pretty well. I don't want to jinx it though, as I know it is early days.

We wondered whether we might be trying to start a bit early, given that she's not even two yet, but she seems to get the key concept, so we thought, why not? She was ambivalent about it to begin with, then for a couple of days she acted like the darned thing was made of lava and would burn her bum if she sat on it. Then all of a sudden something clicked, and she couldn't get enough of the potty.

Now when she's done something on the potty, it's a major event. "DADDY! COME LOOK!" And mummy has to come and look too. Then we do the potty dance. Then we ceremoniously empty it and wash our hands, then it's off to the kitchen for a treat to celebrate - BUT then it's often back to the potty for another go. Rinse and repeat...

In hindsight, we're a little bummed (pardon the pun) that we didn't think to start her on non-food treats. We went with jellybeans, but this means we're giving her a bit more sugar in the day than we'd really like. Friends of ours use stamps on their daughter which she absolutely loves, despite being covered in smiley faces by the end of the day. I think we'll probably look to switch to something similar if we can get away with it now.

Top 10 melting moments

09:00am 31 Jan 2012

26 comments

MELISSA MCDONNELL

One of my new year resolutions was to make it a priority to focus and reflect on the good aspects of our life, and in particular the most memorable aspects of having children.

In no particular order, I have come up with the following:

1. When they get it: when the penny drops and they understand what you are saying. For example, yesterday when I asked my 10-month-old to "play mama a song on the piano", to which she scrambled over to the mini-piano and bashed out a tune. The look on her face was priceless, as I think she too realised that we'd hit a milestone.

2. Their first word: with my first Little Miss, it was "cheese". Though she had come out with various versions of "mum" and "dad", I am pretty sure this was her first conscious and contextual word. Her Baby Sis is a non-stop babbler, and I think is close to coming out with solid words. Given her love for eating, my bet is that it will be food-related.

3. The first laugh: when they erupt into a gorgeous little giggle, make you feel as if your peek-a-boo face is truly hilarious and that you are the funniest person on earth.

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