He'll learn stereotypes from his peers soon enough.

Your function in the matter is now to decide whether you want him to experience that peer pressure, or not understand why you won't paint his toenails any more.

Oh hun, I so know what you mean! I have twin boys, theyre 12 on wednesday and I felt exactly like you when one of my boys wanted painted nails when he was five. He is my slightly unconventional child and I love it! But I too was scared. I did it in the end as I figured that children dont learn to "label" until adults show them and I want them to be as open to new experiences as possible..within reason of course. I did pike out a bit though and went with black :) so of course now that hes a tweenager he has a slightly Emo dress sense! Lol! Oh well hes happy :)

@Hiria #2 Happy birthday to your boys!

A couple of years back my (now five year old) boy was determined his favourite colours were (in order) pink, purple and white. I almost hit the roof. Plus he had an obsession with Dora the Explorer. Now it’s Transformers, Spiderman, Bakugan, Ben 10 etc etc, and my concerns have stopped being about whether he was being too interested in one stereotyped thing and now concerned he’s interested in other sterotyped things that are too violent. Message; there’s always something to worry about. We’ve just tried to keep things moderated from time to time, and steer him in the right direction. It’s hard though. With our boy just starting school, my main concern is that he has friends. He doesn’t know anyone in his class, and I don’t want him to be the lonely kid, as I know exactly what that’s like.

You are a brave lovely caring Mum. Don't ever forget that. That at the end of the day is important. If a child doesn't conform to what is the round hole at school, it is too much like hard work for the overworked teacher already. This does not mean to say they don't care. Many don't understand a child who is dyslexic, (my youngest), He was classed as stupid, naughty, lazy. He is now in year 12, (having done better than most of His peers at NCEA level 1) has finally been assessed correctly and although some of the old school teachers have difficulty accepting that He needs a reader/writer for any written assessment or exam, the teaching profession is coming round. Though sadly, I have to say this is not the case for my gorgeous 5 year old nephew who has Autism Spectrum disorder. No help is given in the classroom. My sister has spent many hours and money doing flash-cards, folders with Her Son's day mapped out for Him, as any detraction from the normal day He has scheduled, throws Him completely. There are no teacher aides funding for this, so the poor teacher has to not only deal with this, but the other 25 delightful 5 year olds in Her care. This also makes Him stand out as being different, and the bullying by 5 year olds is relentless. He has already Had his cornea scratched where a little boy egged on by other cowardly bullies, lashed at His face. This only one of a string of nasty vicious things that have happened to Him in His short time at school. I would like to see the Government Ministers cope for 1 hour in Her classroom. Though that would be disastrous, as They wouldn't know what to do, thats why they are in politics. I digress. Enjoy your unique little boy, as He will bring You delights that the otherwise children in the round hole never will, as as You say, You have a gorgeous boy with imagination.

the most important thing in life is being able to get on and 'fit'in with other people.you have already disadvantaged him by calling him Xander. i predict high school will be especailly tough

Just so you know, he's not the only one around!!

Our wee boy, although not at school yet, sounds very similar in many ways. He's a very bright and kind and compassionate kid but who is VERY hard work. I expect there will be people reading and commenting who have "The Answer". But until you have raised a kid like this it is almost impossible to understand.

Our boy interacts reasonably well with adults but often struggles with kids his own age. We certainly don't want to change the good aspects as they are potentially the aspects that will make him great but, like you, want him to be socially "acceptable" to other kids. I understand your dilemna completely.

One thing we have tried is teaching our boy some resilience and being happy with who he is. It can be difficult as he's quite a sensitive wee soul (and kids can be quite mean!!) but think it's worth persevering with. He'll get there.

Did you ever wonder if there was a link between your putting Xander in pre and after school care and his weird stubborn wilful ways?

It's probably too late for him but maybe there's still time from the twins to experience being raised by their mother, which is all any infant wants.

BTW - my partner painted my son's toenails when he was three. I got the nail polish remover and took it off. There's just no upside in painting a boy's toenails is there? Boys are over-feminised and girls underfeminised in these strange times.

Few women find effeminate men attractive, nor men butch women. It's just the way humans are. Call it fighting stereotypes if you like but it's really fighting biology.

have always and likely will always be square peg in round hole. But thats okay and you learn to live with it and love it. Sure you'll get bullied but not many don't now and it really does seem to make you stronger. I have a nephew who sounds very like Xander - we love him though he seems to frequently want to drive us batty *lol* Is wonderful with animals though, very gentle and kind (as opposed to niece who deals with animals in a 'steve irwin' manner so is frequently been bitten/scratched etc..and she wants to be a vet..)

My boy will be 5 at the end of this year. He is bright, busy, at times OTT agressive, yet utterly sensitive and if any of his friends give him a wee bit of a hard time, we have tears for hours, as the wee fella is heartbroken because he thinks no-one likes him. On the other hand, when he tells me he has no friends at preschool and I suspect the opposite, when checking with the teachers they laugh and declare my leanbean is one of the most popular kids in the place. As for the nailpolish, only last Friday he was at his "girlfriends" place and gladly had his toes and fingers painted in pink. I allow it because I know he will grow out of it. Trust me, this boy is a boy in every sense of the meaning! I actually allow the pink thing (his favourite colour too is pink) because it winds his father up and I think that is just soooo funny. Although his father declares he happily accepts the gay community. Yeah?? Go tell that to the Tui ad makers. LOL!

But actually my biggest worry is when the wee man does go to school and he doesn't fit in because he doesn't listen (then again i have discovered it is a male trait present from birth) and is willful and stubborn. I too don't want to squash his fabulous non-conforming personality but I don't want him not to be lonely. Any suggestions on how to reach a happy medium?