Boys and their bits

DONNELLE BELANGER-TAYLOR
Last updated 10:46 26/03/2012

Although my daughter is the twin who will matter-of-factly explain (to me, or the neighbour, or the supermarket checkout operator) that "Finn penis.  Daddy penis.  Me vulva.", nothing compares to the fascination small boys have for their boy bits.  

I've previously shared the most memorable diddle incident from my eldest, but I'll quote it again here:

Disturbing parenting moment #4354:

Sitting next to your only-undies-wearing son, and looking over to realise he has stretched his penis out to over twice its normal length.

Disturbing parenting moment #4355:

He notices you looking and announces, "My penis is a string for a golden harp."

Disturbing parenting moment #4356:

He twangs it.

Aside from the instinctive "nappy off, party time!" grabbiness, the first understanding I had of the level of connection between a boy and his banana was when my eldest, at around age three, walked in on me in the shower.  Eyes wide with concern, he exclaimed, "Mummy, your penis is broken."

While we'd talked about anatomical differences with him, it wasn't an everyday discussion like it is with boy/girl twins.  That started early, mostly with strangers.  "Twins?"  Yes.  "Boys or girls?"  One of each.  "Are they identical?"  ....No, one has a todger.

"Your brother's penis is not a pull cord."  I overheard that gem from the bathroom where hubby was tackling bathtime.  A few months later it happened again.  "No, only Finn can touch his penis.  You're not allowed to touch any penises for at least 30 more years."

With it being "summer", we've been giving Finn lots of nakey-butt time in order to help with toilet-training (Vieve is not interested yet).  That has led to some things I never thought I would say, things like:

"No penises on the table." 

and

"Don't eat rice off your brother's penis."

Finn went through a period of anatomical confusion in which he muddled his bottom and his bratwurst.  This led to a hilarious scene where, trying to explain to his Nana that her Manx cat had no tail but did have a bum, he kept lifting his shirt to show Nana his "bum" while Vieve chased him around in circles exclaiming "No!  Bum here!"  I even have video footage... but I might save that for their 21st.

(Apologies, by the way, if the willy euphemisms bother you.  Like many of you, we use the correct terms around here, but the post got a bit "penis penis penis penis".  I briefly considered using "Penis penis penis penis" as the title of the blog post, but then I thought about how "Penis penis penis penis" would look in the sidebar.  Penis?  Penis.)

I'm pretty sure the frankfurter fascination is universal for small boys.  Do you have any funny stories to share?

37 comments
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Emma D   #1   10:52 am Mar 26 2012

Another day that being child free seems like the best idea I ever had..!

sandy   #2   10:53 am Mar 26 2012

this is the funniest blog I have read in a while. Thanks for the laughs. Brightened up my Monday morning.

k   #3   10:57 am Mar 26 2012

Hilarious read!! Thank you so much for posting :)

M&M   #4   11:20 am Mar 26 2012

My 2.5 year old daughter is fascinated with willys so much so that she believes she has one but it's hidden. I'm guessing it's because all her little friends from family daycare are boys. Words I never thought I'd hear from my daughter's mouth "I'm just playing with my penis!" Gold!

Pickles   #5   11:24 am Mar 26 2012

"Don't eat rice off your brother's penis." - not something I ever thought I'd read! Brilliant! Got to love little peoples innocence!

Renee   #6   11:39 am Mar 26 2012

I am the oldest child by a large amount ( 7 yrs 11 yrs and 12 yrs respectivly) and the youngest child is a girl the two in the middle being boys. Because of this she was facinated by the fact that the boys didnt have to sit down to go wees, one day she proudly proclaimed to me and my mother that she goes wees like the boys, not sure how she acheived this but since her aim was much better than the boys we left her to it.

Cinnamon Girl   #7   12:08 pm Mar 26 2012

I don't have children yet, but just love Donnelle's blogs telling it how it is. I have more of an idea of what I'll be in for!!

Lorim   #8   12:23 pm Mar 26 2012

I actually laughed out loud, alot! was brilliant... Growing up in a family with ALL male cousins (in my 30's now, I'm still the only girl), I experienced plenty of penis envy... I did try to pee standing up like the boys, but never managed it

Donnelle   #9   12:30 pm Mar 26 2012

@Renee #6: Hilarious! The mind boggles.

Ceri   #10   12:31 pm Mar 26 2012

I just snorted, this is so funny. We also use the correct terms for body parts although our daughter is only 3 months old - I guess it's best to start as you mean to go on, as with most things. The things we have to look forward to!


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