What a big stick you have

Last updated 09:04 03/07/2012

All right, I admit it. I laugh at my kids. My boy twin is particularly amusing at the moment, though I'm careful not to show it.

What a big stick you have

He's at that delightful stage where the words are there, but his pronunciation lets him down a little. And somehow it seems that all his mispronunciations create rude words (or maybe that's just me).

The "f word" appears with disturbing regularity, though he doesn't intend it to. His attempts to tell me about a flag ("Flag! Flag! There a flag! Look, Mummy, a flag!") while we were driving left me very confused. I was relieved when Vieve translated; she had the advantage of being able to see what he was pointing at.

"Truck" is another word that can be troublesomely amusing, particularly if it's a fire truck.  

It mostly emerges, though, when he's attempting to refuse something. "Th" comes out as "f", so "no thank you!" has definite overtones of "no, f___ you!", in both words and tone. He's started to say "No-thank-you!" in response to any request that doesn't meet his fancy, and since he's two-and-a-half, that's just about any request.

"Come and sit at the table for dinner, please."


"Do you want a bath or a shower?"


"Bed time!"


Some "S" sounds come out as "sh". So we've had the classic "Vieve sitting on the couch!" that made us do a double-take (and a discreet cushion-check).

The "st" sound eludes him, and is replaced by "d". This was hilarious at Matariki, when he got to cook damper in a bonfire. "Big stick!" he said. "I have a big stick! Big stick in the fire!" We suppressed our inner 12-year-old chortles and agreed that yes, he did have a big stick. Yes, Daddy has a big stick.

Disconcertingly, his sister had a big stick, too.

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Hahahaha!   #1   10:58 am Jul 03 2012

Donnelle - you are awesome! You provided my first belly-laugh of the day. I think I have experienced each of those same speech hiccups with my elder son and they really liven up the day. Thanks for sharing your stories with us!

Katherine   #2   11:39 am Jul 03 2012

My 3 year old nephew tries to say the ''Fat Controller' which comes out as f**ken troll! Oops, very hard to keep a straight face.

Jellybean   #3   12:21 pm Jul 03 2012

My almost 3yr old has problems with L's, they come out like W's. So Lucky turns into Wucky. This has created a few giggles with things like my niece's name (Leigha), Tayla will scream at the top of her lungs when she sees her "Cousin Weigha".

CJM   #4   12:38 pm Jul 03 2012

Yep, pretty funny - and difficult to keep a straight face so they don't realise and therefore repeat it! My 4 year old likes singing made up words which included something extremely rude rhyming with runt the other day and I just had to ignore it and hope it would go away quickly!

he he he   #5   12:51 pm Jul 03 2012

I know a little boy that also says 'fat controller' wrong. He calls him the 'fat c*nt', and thinks that the 'roller' part is the next word. So.... "I can't find the fat c*nt". My boy also had the truc problem, and the worst was his pronounciation of dump truck.

em   #6   01:25 pm Jul 03 2012

My nephew used to say 'anal' for some regular word, I can't remember which now, and when we couldn't understand what he was saying he'd just repeat incessantly. My husband and I couldn't help but crack up! I wish I could remember what he was trying to say...

nicnah   #7   01:33 pm Jul 03 2012

I spent most of last Friday trying to work out what "futs sate" meant. Apparently it's what mummy says in the car a lot! (t=k)

Catherine   #8   01:43 pm Jul 03 2012

Love it! Thank you for the laugh.

When my younger son (now 16) was very little he very proudly pronounced "My birthday's been knocked over!". His birthday is in October. He still gets teased about that, and has already been told he won't be getting a 21st party because it's been knocked over (teasing him of course).

AKB   #9   02:26 pm Jul 03 2012

The truck thing must be quite normal since my little man also uses a "F" instead of a "TR". It doesn't help that my Porse lady has a 4-yr old that thinks it's hilarious that he uses the f-word so encourages him whenever he can. This makes it hard to convince him that's not the correct word for it. He also seems to spot trucks in the strangest places and yells it at the top of his lungs. I was petrified when we had to go to a Cathloic mass for his grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. I spent most of the time scanning the books etc they have for children to make sure no trucks were in them, resulting in him yelling it in church!!! Luckily there was none!! PHEW!!

etti   #10   03:03 pm Jul 03 2012

Thank you Donelle made my day. Reminds me of my younger sisters saying "fart on me" instead of pardon me. It probably did not help that my other sister and I encouraged them. We still tease them about it.

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