The housework fights back

DONNELLE BELANGER-TAYLOR

Last updated 10:08 12/11/2012

It's been a few months since I wrote this post embarking on toilet-training the twins. It's progressing. I take heart in their progress, and I'm finding it much less stressful than I did with my eldest. Incidents that could have the potential to, um, piss me off have often been funny instead.

Mind you, the twins are quite ingenious with some of their whoopsies. I'm starting to suspect that they've allied with my mortal enemy, housework.

After all, as Ian Fleming said, "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times, it's enemy action."

1) In the fridge

Finn's pelvic floor failed him while lifting a three-litre bottle of milk from the fridge door. Pee puddled under the water-tight vegetable drawer, so there weren't many casualties (aside from the flaccid celery). I'll admit my fridge was overdue for a clean, but getting peed in is a heck of a way to jump the priority queue.

2) The toilet floor

Vieve is totally enthusiastic about wearing undies, especially ones with ponies on them. She's not so keen on actually using the toilet, so she will often imitate a camel* and go for hours without peeing. Her record is eight hours.

When she does go, it's spectacular.

The toilet floor puddle was funny because she was finally, actually, sitting on the toilet at the time. She was so interested in what was going on that she leaned down to watch, thus changing the flight path of six hours' worth of pee into somewhat of a parabola.

She nearly peed in her eye. Impressive, for a girl.

3) The pots-and-pans cupboard

Vieve pulled a chair over to the sink to get herself a drink. As she drank a cup of water, she looked as though she was doing the peepee dance. I asked if she was. She said, "No, I just doing one leg up down each like this."

Unfortunately, what goes in has to come out. Voluminously. Into the cupboard under the sink. Thanks Vieve, more dishes was just what I needed.

4) The chest of drawers

Laundry is a never-ending battle in our house. I've been fighting valiantly lately, given the good weather, and Mount Foldmore has been conquered and quarried away into the appropriate drawers.

Until Finn climbed into the bottom drawer, which was full of washed-dried-folded-put-away clothes, and had a wee accident. Damn you, Mount Washmore!

Mind you, the biggest lesson I have learnt this time around, is never startle a naked, pooping child. Especially if they're in the lounge at the time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash the couch cover.

* I actually have no idea how long a camel goes without peeing. I tried googling to find which animal goes the longest time without urinating, but instead learned lots of other facts. Once I got to the one about how female giraffes urinate in the male's mouth before mating, I stopped reading.