I don't like your boyfriend
So I found myself watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians on E Channel over the weekend - I think there was some sort of Kardashian marathon on because there were a bunch of episodes running back to back. Oh what? It's not like I've ever pretended to be into high-brow viewing - Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood is the highlight of my week after all...
In the show (in reality? Who knows?) Khloe, one of the Kardshian girls, takes exception to her sister's boyfriend. I mean she really doesn't like him. So great is her distaste for him, in fact, that she avoids attending an ultrasound to find out the gender of her sister's unborn baby because evil boyfriend is the baby daddy and Khloe doesn't want to be in the same room as him.
From where I was sitting it looked like Khloe was being completely unreasonable and she should've just sucked it up and supported her pregnant sister because this guy was going to be in their life for quite some time. Then I realised that I don't know or particularly care for these people and that, hoo boy, I need to get out more. However, what this little adventure into the lives of the Kardashians (who are famous for what, exactly?) did serve up was a jolly good blog topic.
What happens when you very much dislike the special friend of your sibling, bestie, flatmate, child, or parent?
Fortunately, most of the people in my life have chosen to partner up with excellent people, but that hasn't always been the case.
An old flatmate once dated a girl who was supremely annoying. She was loud, obnoxious, and she had an awful, grating laugh. One night Joel and I decided we should give the girl a chance so we went out with the flatmate and his new lady friend. Our little excursion did nothing to endear her to us; in fact by the end of the evening I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from telling my flatmate that she most definitely was not the one for him.
None of my business, right? I know, but at the same time I could tell he wasn't really into her and I wasn't particularly fussed on having her awful laugh reverberating around the flat. So I figured if I gave him a wee nudge he'd admit what he knew deep down, that this girl could well be the spawn of Satan. Fortunately, I was right. When I broached the subject of our demon friend, he pretty swiftly shared that he was gonna cool the jets and show her the door.
Of course it doesn't always turn out so well. I've seen a sister or two couple up with a partner that I wasn't completely onboard with, but I've just bitten my tongue because the biggest issue has been that I've felt they've chosen the wrong person for them. At the end of the day, that's their decision and of course there's a chance I could be wrong. If they had been in any real danger, aside from potentially getting their heart broken, I would definitely have had my say.
We've all had to witness our friends shacking up with total douchebags. You know your friend deserves better, but aside from hinting that their loved one's attitude and behaviour is less than ideal, there's often not a lot you can do before you cross the line into sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.
I'd love to hear your stories - have you had to watch a loved one pairing up with someone you really couldn't stand? Did you smile supportively through gritted teeth or did you stand up and speak out?
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Ha good timing. My flatmate has been with this girl since last September, and every time I see her both me and my boyfriend (who is also a flatmate) feel the hatred just boiling in our veins. She is completely taking advantage of him and in general she's just a slapper to be quite honest!
He now pretty much lives at her house, which is definitely preferable, I just wish he'd be honest about it and either leave the flat so another mate can take the room or dump the stupid girl!
Oooh, I have this exact dilemma at the moment with my friend's boyfriend. He's not a complete a-hole but there has been a slow escalation of 'not right-ness' about him that is increasingly noticeable and I'm not sure how to broach this with her - or even if I should.
He's been getting really possessive and hates her spending time with other people, thinks they should spend every second of their spare time together and was even caught going through her texts on her phone and email.
She says he's generally quite lovely but can get moody and sulky if he doesn't get his way. It's leaving me with a feeling that she deserves better, but should I stick my oar in when there are (apparently) lots of good times still between them?
My aunt is married to the biggest doosh bag, known to man-kind. Makes my blood boil jsut thinking about him! What's worse is that they are married and have a baby now, so we are forever linked to him! He wrote an abusive letter to his in laws, without my aunk knowing and he still expected to be greeted with open arms at Christmas dinner! HA! Let's just say the grandparents won that war and he didnt have the balls to show up after they had a little chat with him! I hope she wakes up soon and realises that he is the self-serving 'superior' scum bag that we all think he is!
I'm bitter - can you tell?
Ive got one friend who is married to someone extremely abnoxious. I havent ever had a run in with him but several of our friends have - and so badly were these arguments that they just dont invite the couple out anymore. Its sad when you know one part of a couple of fantastic but the other is so hard to handle the invitations just dry up!
Im also friend with another couple where he cheated on her whilst they were living together, however Im pretty confident that this was a minor hiccup at the beginning of their relationship and they seem totally solid now. I dont have a problem with it and its not my business but another good friend of mine just thinks its wrong - she cant stand him because of what happened. I guess thats something personal though
Yes! Have never gotten along terribly well with my sister's BF. He disliked me as much as I did him to start with I think. My only sister though so I made and effort to tolerate him. I would still not choose him as a friend, but I can put up with him now. Him and my dog get along great though! LOL.
My best mate has had a run of gf that redefine the limits of annoying.
I've never ever spoken up about it because at the end of the day, I'm not dating them. I don't have to like his gf, I just have to respect that my friend does.
Some one should tell that Karkrashian chick - never, ever date a boy who is prettier than you.
I have a very good friend who is with a girl that we think is completely wrong for him. Since being with her, he spends less time doing what he loves, playing his bass, sailing, travelling. And spends more time working and buys her really expensive jewellery. She is always showing off the jewellery as proof that he's a good boyf and that really rubs me up the wrong way. When they were first together, he confided in me that she was VERY keen to have kids and he wasnt so much, but since then it seems like he has resigned himself to kids as being inevitable and very likely to happen soon. I am worried about him, as her not enjoying the things we all used to enjoy in the past (going to music gigs, spending weekends away on the baot, camping, etc) means that we're seeing him less and less, and when we do see him he never seems happy and it always looking tired. I wouldnt mind her so much if she was making him happy, but he's a shadow of the guy he used to be.
We know we cant really do anything. We have told him we're concerned about him but he just shrugged it off. Adn we will not go sticking our noses in when its none of our business. So I guess from here, its up to him. Its just so frustrating, watching him fade away :( when there is nothing we can do to help. We will always support him, as he is our friend. But what can you do!
Girls are stupid.
More often than not girls won't tell their friend what they REALLY think about her new boyfriend. They KNOW he's a "lying, cheating, abusive jerk". They KNOW he's a douchebag. But, they won't say anything. They think they're being supportive. They're not.
Instead, they're just helping the douchebag to set their friend up to take a very hard fall when he cheats on her, or hits her, or she realises that she's nothing more than a sex-toy-that-pays-half-the-rent in his eyes, or she realises that he's a controlling jerk who has taken over her life and scared away all her friends. Etc.
Stick your neck out and warn your friend that the new man in her life is a "lying, cheating, abusive jerk". That's what a true friend would do. Spouting trite nonsense about how it's none of your business and you have no right to get involved is the coward's way out.
If you're not there to help your friend avoid the BIG mistakes in her life, what the hell are you there for? Do you enjoy watching relationship train-wrecks among those closest to you?
Of course, it's more than likely that your friend will turn on you when you warn her about her new boyfriend. As I said, girls are stupid.
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The Kardashians are proof that an alternative definition of "socialite" would be "waste of oxygen". However they do make for amusing train wreck television viewing.
Yes, I've definitely seen friends hook up with ghastly people. However, the thing I have to remember is that the ghastly person might be the wrong person for ME, but I'm not the one in the relationship ... so it really is something to keep my nose out of. My policy is to stay the hell out of it. Nothing good will come of sticking my oar in.