What order the sweets?

00:27, May 15 2013

In the weekend, my buddy Tom (who is, it must be said, a bit of a card), posted on Facebook; "Just ate a whole bag of jet planes. I am a golden god."

Now, while I can step back and applaud such a singular act of gluttony (all the while, thinking of how much dentists charge), and the scale of his achievement, the most interesting thing about this accomplishment was what happened next - immediately, someone quizzed him as to in what order he gobbled the sweets. Did he eat them in descending order of popularity? Did he eat his least favourite lollies first, to get them out of the way, before hitting a home stretch populated by his faves? Or - did he just eat them at random?

Which set me thinking - does everybody agree as to what the best and worst flavoured lollies are? Is there a right or wrong? Is there a universally reviled flavour, that sweet manufacturers might wish to trade out for one that might win more fans?

Why do some people like some flavours that other don't? I mean, obviously, everybody tastes things in subtly different ways, but I still find it unfathomable that anyone could favour what are obviously inferior flavours...

Okay, so jet planes - Tom's weapons of mass consumption. This is the order in which I favour the flavours, best to worst; red, purple, white, yellow, orange, green. Green jet planes, like green wine gums (essentially the same thing) are far and away my least favourite. They have that unpleasant fake lime taste - I much prefer if green lollies are apple flavoured (but not mint - ugh!). I also, generally, dislike orange flavoured sweets - again, for some reason, they seem to taste more chemically and fake than other flavours.

And the best flavours - red and purple. Obviously, no? Berry flavours - generally the best of the artificial flavours, I think. And the yellow and white - the most middling. Inoffensive. Not that good, but not that bad. Not the best, but not by quite some stretch, the worst.


Take Mackintosh's Toffees - I often wondered why some flavours even existed at all - clearly Egg & Cream and Toffee Deluxe are the best flavours?! And, obviously, Harrogate, and Mint, and Malt, and Coconut (with its residue that is like you have been sucking styrofoam) are all a bit rubbish.

I am also reminded of those ubiquitous boxes of biscuits that arrive at Christmastime, with the layers of biscuits - remember how the chocolate biscuits always disappear first? And then, sometimes, when you get to the next tier - the chocolate biscuits are gone from that layer too! Quelle surprise!

In the same way as there is a right and wrong variety of biscuits with which to stock the Slow Boat cookie jar (last week was a disaster of Mint Slices and Cameo Creams, in which the former contaminated the latter, while this week's Tim Tams lasted all of about 10 minutes), I reckon there are good lollies, and bad ones. And, for me - the good ones are the red and purple jet planes, and the egg and cream and toffee deluxe Mackintosh's toffees. Never green, or orange jet planes. Nor Malt or Coconut toffees. Ugh.

I appreciate that others will see it differently. But I just think that they are wrong...

And then there's Tom and his once full, now empty, bag of jet planes - well done, buddy; a golden god indeed. Get your strength up (you'll need it for when the baby comes...)

Please rank for me, if you will, the different flavours of a) jet planes/ wine gums, and b) Mackintosh's toffees. And - what flavours would you suggest for swapping out the reviled green and orange?

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Wine gums photo by Evan-Amos