Best & worst dressed celebrities
THE BAD: That colour is wonderful on Ashley Benson ... but I think we can all agree that the short-suit is a phenomenally hard thing to pull off, let alone a satin jobbie with a leather bow. A) There's a small chance this is actually a one piece rather than separates, and if that's the case, then an ill-fitting half-sheeny, half leather romper may just be the worst thing ever. B) Short, formal shorts are a nightmare when it comes to getting the fit right ... but especially when they're shiny. Here we have an issue with a cavern of folds and shadows right where her lady bits are. That's a big issue.
THE BAD: Patricia Arquette is fond of flowy caftans and many layers of scarves, which is totally her prerogative and a look she often pulls off, but this caftan is more 'I'm-a-rich-eccentric-just-hanging-about-the-house-for-the-day' than it is red carpet. Actually, it's more, 'member-of-an-apolyptic-cult-whose-founder-is-obsessed-with-Polyphonic-Spree. Also, if you're going to wear a grey sack shaped like an Arab man's thobe but in the hue of a Western man's suit pants, you want to make sure your ironing job is top notch.
THE BAD: No, Rita Ora is not wearing a 'joozhed' up emergency blanket nor a heap of tin foil ... she is in fact wearing a very expensive dress by DKNY. Girlfriend better be careful stepping out into the sun in this thing as she'll burn to a crisp in minutes (I'd also avoid stepping too close to any microwaves for fear of combustion). Shininess aside, this dress is also just a terrible fit. Rita is so stunning and any dress that can somehow manage to make her look lumpy and incredibly long of body needs to be eradicated from the universe with haste.
THE BAD: Remember Paige Matthews in Charmed? That was only seven years ago and Rose McGowan now looks like a completely different person. She's clearly a shapeshifter. Herewith she is channeling a tax lawyer who's gone straight from the office to an 'adult' party filled with mid-level management types dressed like Playboy bunnies and polyester-robed Hugh Hefners. 'Love your outfit Marge!' says Lorraine over her wine spritzer. 'Thanks darl, rushed here straight from the office in rush hour so just kept my jersey business pants in the mix and popped on my mail order corset.'
THE BAD: She's a So You Think You Can Dance winner and the lady love of Tim 'Timomatic' Omaji, and Talia Fowler is so close to looking great in this Aussie-made Galanni dress ... but it's sitting here on the wrong side of the tracks for one reason, and one reason only - it looks like she's wearing skin tone bike shorts and that's a design fail of the highest order.
THE BAD: Kate Mara almost manages to resurrect this Dior dress from the bowels of bad tailoring mishaps with her refreshing loveliness and natural sense of style. Almost. But even she can't make a dress that is half mattress comforter, half yellow felt craft project wine sleeve a good thing. This design is by Dior (is there some elaborate, insider trading, staff sabotage going on there at the moment? As I get the feeling their designers have all just given up). Oh and I'm getting Paris Hilton Collection energies from her shoes (and no, that's not a compliment).
THE GOOD: Chloe Grace Moretz looking cool and classy in Miu Miu at only 17. I love how the cowboy-shirt style of the dress keeps the floral sequins from being too much and adds a refreshingly young touch ... and then the sparkles stop the collar from being too restrictive or making the whole dress too one note. The perfect mix.
THE GOOD: Check Kiwi wahine Danielle Cormack giving us the ol' 'this-old-thing-over-shoulder-side-eye' while wearing a metallic Johanna Johnson gown. This dress would 'wear' many people, but the actress owns it thanks to bold hair, dark nails and loads of 'tude. I sincerely hope/doubt I'll be in the position to pull off raspberry-coloured curls and a cap sleeved crinkly gold gown at 43: what a babe.
THE GOOD: I never, ever thought I'd think a signature Vivienne Westwood corset-style frock would work on a 16-year-old, but today I shall eat my hat, because Elle Fanning looks fabulous in this bright red dress. She also looks like she knows it and is having heaps of fun and that's a very important accessory (don't you just love it when a new outfit makes you feel all smiley and strutty?).
THE GOOD: This is a truly classic look, and I love it - Filly Brown actress Gina Rodriguez is the picture of retro elegance in a LaQuan Smith dress. I am also fairly obsessed with those light blue and yellow Jimmy Choo pumps (the perfect offset). This is like something an up-and-coming actress would have worn to a pre-Oscars dinner in 1955. And, yes, I consider that a good thing given that was a gloriously stylish era during which body con dresses with mesh boob cut outs had yet to be invented.
THE GOOD: From Elle to Danielle to Moretz, there have been a lot of age-defying goods this week, and here we have 58-year-old Maria Shriver looking stunning in a bold aqua dress (her daughter looks beautiful too - she may be my new ombre hair inspiration). One teensy issue: Maria's bra has obviously given up the ghost mid-carpet, leading to bi-boob on the right-hand-side. But hey, she still looks fab, and strapless bras are a never-ending nightmare, the slippery suckers.
THE GOOD: I basically need to reserve a spot here for Jessica Alba every week, as I don't think she ever misses. Her style's bold but never bolshie. Here she is pulling off butt peplum in a Zac Posen gown that's in one of the most beautiful colours I ever done seen. PS: Fast fact - legendary skateboarder Steve Alba is Jess' second cousin. Strong gene pool.
A Kiwi actress and some lovely Vivienne Westwood and Zac Posen make us happy (brava to you Jessica Alba and Elle Fanning). Meanwhile a tin foil disaster shall haunt our nightmares thanks to Rita Ora and DKNY.
In this weekly fashion fest we only bring you the horrors and the hits from the red carpets and only cover events where celebrities know they'll be snapped and critiqued for their fashion (so no Britney leaving Maccas in her trackies.) Why? Well because all humans - even celebs - should be allowed to look rubbish while packing a Quarter Pounder (testify!).
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