10 worst male fashion crimes

00:25, Sep 20 2012
menswear 1
Brad, it's time to take off your yellow-tinted glasses and see your fiance in a new light.
menswear 2
Streetwear prints are not for dress shirts, whether the shirt is from Hermes or Hallensteins.
menswear 3
Ahoy, me hearties, lay off with the pirate look.
menswear 4
Fabric belts are for skateboarders, not corporate drones on casual Fridays.
Big glasses don't equal big brains.
menswear 6
Ouch, those jeans are so tight they make our eyes water!
menswear 7
Yes, we get it, you are very hipster and quirky. Not.
menswear 8
Need we say more?
menswear 9
No, it doesn't suit you, sirs.
menswear 10
Planning to tie one on? Please don't.

For many guys fashion is a sea of mysterious trends and strange garments. The general rule of thumb is to emulate the style of someone you like; but with a minefield of fashion crimes out there it's hard to know which ones to follow and which to avoid.

Here we present you with our top 10 crimes against menswear. Feel free to add your own to the mix.

1. TIES WITH CASUAL WEAR: Wearing a short-sleeved casual shirt? Throw a tie on it! Sorry guys, but it doesn't work that way. Nor should ties be worn with slobby old jeans or scuffed footwear. The slobby jeans and scuffed shoes are a crime unto themselves, but we beg you - save your ties for your dress shirt and blazers.

2. AGE-INAPPROPRIATE SUNGLASSES: Sweet white hipster sunglasses? Golden clear lenses? We usually love Brad Pitt in all his impeccable style, but he missed it here. Sunglass styles designed for tweenagers should stay on tweenagers. Styles in this category include brightly coloured frames, white frames, clear or yellow-toned lenses, and pimp-style sunglasses.

3. SOCK CRIMES: Socks with sandals, white socks with dress shoes, or no socks at all in a dressy environment are all blatant sock crimes. The rules for socks go like so - black shoes need black socks. Business shoes need business socks. White tennis socks may only be worn for sport. Sandals and socks may never consummate.

4. PUSHING THE DAPPER LOOK TOO FAR: Bow ties, grandpa cardigans, shirts buttoned to the top and loafers - it's all very cute, and a light-hearted way to play dress-ups.  But wear all your dapper pieces together and you're in danger of looking like Pee Wee Herman.


5. JEANS TOO TIGHT: Ten years ago we were harping on about your jeans being too baggy. Oversized jeans made butt cracks and underwear sightings a common occurrence, horrifying mothers and conservatives everywhere.  These days the problem is the opposite of baggy - jeans are getting far too tight, and even the most open-minded of us are getting more than we asked for. Let's leave some of it to the imagination shall we?

6. WEARING GLASSES TO MAKE YOU LOOK SMARTER:  Here's a fact - while donning a pair of glasses does indeed make you look smarter, 'the bigger the glasses' doesn't correspond 'the bigger the brain'. When Bruno Mars is feeling intellectual and sensitive, he pops on his geek chic glasses with clear lenses. Problem is they're a little too big for us to take you seriously, Bruno.

7. FABRIC BELTS: This look also falls into the 'Age Inappropriate' category. Fabric belts are designed for skateboarders as a cheap way to hold their pants up. They should be worn by skateboarders alone. They should NEVER be worn with a tie, as Glenn Wallace sadly illustrates.

8. DRESS SHIRTS WITH STREETWEAR PRINTS: A dress shirt with an iron-on street-wear print is like bad fusion cooking - market it as well as you like but it just doesn't work. Regardless of whether the shirt is Hermes or Hallensteins, mixing street prints with dress shirts is like blending foie gras with Moro bars.    

9. SUIT JACKETS AND JEANS: There are a few subtle differences between a suit jacket and a blazer (also known as a sports coat). Suit jackets are made to be worn with matching pants, and are made of a finer weave than their more casual cousins, hence they don't work well with rough textures like denim or chinos. Blazers and sports coats are made to be worn alone, and are generally of a more relaxed design.

10. DRESSING LIKE A PIRATE: Russell Brand, Lenny Kravitz and Johnny Depp do it admirably well, but a disturbing number of men are trying the pirate look at home and getting it all wrong. The piratical look is not a trend that can be donned easily; it's a dirty, showerless, non-shaving, missing appointments with your hairdresser, pick cothes up from flea-markets way of life. This trend should come with a label - do not try this at home. 

What fashion faux pas does your man make? What can you add to our list?