In pics: The poor male models

00:57, Jan 08 2014
Terrible fashion from London Collections
ALAN TAYLOR: Fact - this man and his shiny 'only my fingertips need to be covered, don't worry about the palms' gloves will appear in my night terrors tonight.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
ALEXANDER MCQUEEN: Women have been humiliated for long enough by the terrible feathery abomination that is the fascinator ... please don't submit men to the same ritual humiliation of having a bird's second skin jutting out from their head.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
ASTRID ANDERSEN: Wow, Chanel Imam and Cara Delevingne have really bulked up.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
BOBBY ABLEY: They're like Jaws from James Bond meets my childhood teddy bear <a href="http://craftastrophe.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/weirdest-family-photo-ever-probably-nsfw.jpg" target="_blank">meets the infamous 'awkward family photo' in which the whole clan wears fuzzy pink onesies with tiny felt genitals.</a> Aka, not a good look.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
CRAIG GREEN: Meet the world's most impractical hat - not only can you not see past the damn thing's brim, but you'll also gain a dashingly disgusting tan line while wearing it and may suffer from facial bruising as the there-for-no-reason leather belt slaps across your pitiful jaw.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
JW ANDERSON: I once dated a man who wore a fairly substantial Cuban heel but on shoes that looked like New Balance sneakers; I didn't notice it when we met 'up in da club', but as soon as I did, I made like Suri and Cruised ... I wonder if he's upgraded to these fine specimens now they're 'on trend'?
Terrible fashion from London Collections
JW ANDERSON: While, yes, the poor fellah to the left is wearing a breast plate that looks like it's crafted from ambergris (that's whale vomit, BTW), I feel most sorry for the limp lad repressed by mesh to the left.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
JW ANDERSON: If Baz Luhrman made a movie about Tudor Knights and the costumes were designed by Missoni and Ralph Lauren - and everyone involved was on drugs - this is what we'd get.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
KAY KWOK: If I saw one of these shuffling beasts on the street I'd actually think the end times had finally come.
Terrible fashion from London Collections
LEE ROACH: Well that colour washes him out ...
Terrible fashion from London Collections
XANDER ZHOU: While his furball coat is certainly an eyesore; it's the pant-sneaker combo that make his bottom half look like a middle-aged female nurse working the rounds on a paediatric ward that is the true crime.

This week's London Collection menswear runways have been hilarious ... unintentionally. 

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