The week's best & worst dressed celebs
THE BAD: First off, is Jennifer Hudson wearing ski boots? (Imagine clomping down a red carpet in those suckers). Secondly, this Isabel Marant jumpsuit she's wearing retails for over $1,200 Kiwi buckeroos. There's something wrong with that. Finally, let's address the elephant in the room - the fact that her bra's popping out and it effectively looks like she's just opened the door in her jumpsuit-nightgown (ooh, I want one of those!) and completely forgotten to tie the thing up. But no, she's standing proud on a red carpet and her undies are MEANT to be hanging out. I do not comprehend. Love her red lip though.
THE BAD: Someone call 911 folks, Katy Perry's drowning in a sea of granny fabric up in here. This '50s prom dress on 'roids is by Dolce & Gabbana, and could maybe, and that's only a very tentative maybe, work in a better fabric... this three-tone floral mess is, however, one of the most overwhelmingly bad material decisions I've seen in a long time (it's VERY cushions, and even then, I'd probably re-gift any cushies I got given in rose pink and burgundy jacquard).
THE BAD: The only possible explanation I can come up with for this terror is that when tongued all over the face by Steven Tyler, LeAnn Rimes' animalistic survival instinct kicked in and tried to excavate her from the side of her dress to escape. Thankfully Ty-dawg stopped Mileying-all-over-her-Cyrus before the whole thing came off. PS: Those shoes are also possibly the worst match for the dress possible.
THE WORST: We've seen a lot of eyeball-annihilating things over the past year or so dear readers, but I think this might be my least favourite outfit of all time. Dear Paula Patton, you are an unbelievably striking woman. WHY do you keep doing these disservices to yourself? Thigh curtains aside, this Mireille Dagher dress boasts the worst breast-to-material relationship I've ever seen. It looks like she's posing behind one of those painted people you get on beaches in Miami or whatever. Yes, her real life human breasts have been turned into fake 2D lady-parts. That's quite a feat.
THE BAD & THE GOOD: I am in love with this yellow colour on Chrissy Teigen, but I personally think the Zuhair Murad dress is ruined thanks to its over-enthusiastic cleavage key-hole. Cut that sucker in half and she'd be my best dressed of the week. But, to the right, she proves that flashes of skin can sometimes be all class in this Adeam two-piece (I'm especially loving those Gianvito Rossi illusion shoes).
THE BAD: One of the Real Housewives Of Miami, Joanna Krupa helps to prove my theory that extreme gashes right down the front of a dress are the least alluring things in the world. A) The fact you need mesh running over said gash so as to not have your bits just floating about makes that whole area of skin look off-hue from the rest of your body and therefore just a touch diseased. B) What really pushes me over the edge here is the tiny sliver cutout on the outer boob portion of the dress. Did designer Michael Costello actually decide there wasn't enough boob on show at some point? C) Do people who are actually at events with people in dresses like these just see the whole thing with every mesh moving step taken? I fear it is so.
THE MEH: When I first saw a thumbnail of Gwyneth Paltrow in David Koma I was all 'oooh, I likey, a bold colour on Goop', but upon further inspection there's just something here that's not working for me. Some of the things that are niggling ... the detailing looks like duct tape ... those shoes are horrendous (and they're Loubs) ... that hair looks like it's just been through some kind of triple-bleaching hairdressing disaster and is basically the texture of straw. And her face ... is it just me or does she face look a little off? Like a really exceptionally talented makeup artist has spent eight hours puttying Anne Heche's face so that she looks like Gwyneth Paltrow ... ermahgad ... Goop has MJ-esque doubles?!
THE GOOD: The sleek sporty silhouette of this Michael Costello dress means the fact it's basically the colour of a troll's hair somehow works. Victoria Justice is only 20 and this look is the perfect marriage between youthful and sophisticated. I'd have loved it with a turquoise clashy clutch or something ... but keep clicking to see what happens when a Michael Costello design goes wrong. Like Robin Thicke trying to out-Buble Michael Buble at the Grammys-wrong.
THE BEST: Bow down, Miss Felicity Jones wins the week in Alexander McQueen. It's dramatic and different (HOW exquisite is that accented bodice) and just risky enough. I'm also feeling much love for her hair length. Gorge.
THE GOOD: I'm used to seeing Iranian-British Homeland star Nazanin Boniadi in a dodgy suit jacket and a (to be fair, usually very pretty print) hijab, so it's nice to see her rocking a designer gown for a change. This assymetrical Osman gown is at once futuristic and yet timeless ... oh, and move over Cara, Naz's brows are new in town, and they're a face architecture masterpiece.
THE GOOD: I love how simple Odette Annable has kept this whole look, and while most mere mortals could not wear this Paper London raffia two-piece, Odette certainly can - I do think we could all have a crack at rocking those gorgeous cigarette pants with a crisp, tucked-in white shirt.
THE OTHER BEST: Oh Sandy, check you out just casually making a folded Roland Mouret gown look so effortless and easy to pull off. Ms Bullock's been rocking a lot of colour on the RC recently, so I'm surprised that this all-black look is one of my faves from her of late. (I also desperately want some beauty blogger to produce a YouTube tutorial on that updo, and pronto. Preferably one that takes under two minutes and absolutely no skill or hand eye coordination. Especially no coordination that requires looking in the mirror - I can't do shiz to my hair when I have to look in the mirror. No mirror? Can plait my hair fine. Looking at my own reflection? Tits for hands.)
In our weekly best & worst dressed gallery we bring you the horrors and the hits from the week in red carpets - we only cover events where celebrities know they'll be snapped and critiqued for their fashion (so no Britney leaving Maccas in her trackies).
Gwyneth Paltrow, Sandra Bullock and Katy Perry all go in different directions this week, while near-nakedness loses the race.
We haven't touched upon the Grammys and the Grammy after-parties here, as we're all over those like Miley's tongue
here and here.