The week's best & worst dressed celebs
THE WORST: I'm getting Cher without the sass vibes from Jessie J's Tom Ford ensemble. A) Can you imagine the marks on your legs after wearing those torture instruments disguised as boots? B) I'm not sure this qualifies as a dress. It's the spiritual opposite of Kate Mid's red dress. C) Take off the wig and rock your short hair girlfriend. PS: Imagined if you owned these boots how annoying it'd be if you arrived at someone's house and they were 'shoes off' people. "Ah jeez, sure? Do you have a spare room? I'll just be 20 minutes."
THE BAD: Erm ... S02E01 of House of Cards?! Some freaky-deaky stuff right there. Anywho, moving on. Kate Mara's a wonderful-looking woman, but this Prada dress is doing nothing for her. How did the Italian fashion house think an army-green face dress with boob eyelashes would ever be a thing worth birthing? I find the sequin beard actively gross, the eyelash-sequin effect just above her nipples distracting and her hair? WHY DO CELEBRITIES KEEP THINKING GREASY IS SOMETHING TO AIM FOR. Fire your hairstylists people and hire me. I'll just physically block you from a shower for a few days et voila, you've got the look.
THE GOOD: Another simple look this week. Daisy Lowe is often on my worst dressed list, but I love how the updated-Audrey Hepburn vibe of this Christopher Kane look lets her natural beauty shine through. Here's a rare case in which seeing one's undies (well, leotard) actually looks good. I love the arrows, although looking at them too long is quite confusing. Where do I look?!
THE GOOD: Felicity Jones manages to make it into the best dressed list in basically a sweater and a skirt. Gorgeous. The Burberry lemon cashmere sweater and gold jacquard skirt (also Burberry) could have been worn 30 years ago, 10 years ago, and could be worn in 20 years. It's timeless. That's style. Also, how cute is her hair? It's almost making me want to get the chop (except I'm too lazy for product <a href="http://yazmar.com/wp-content/uploads/richard-simmons.jpg" target="_blank">and so if I had this haircut I'd look like this most days).</a>
THE BAD: If I was going to make a supermodel-only, glam stage musical version of Where The Wild Things Are I'd definitely employ designer Fyodor Golan. Sequin-hairy-arms aside, it's the little stiff Pee-Wee-ness of Karolina Kurkova's hair that really pushes me over the edge here.
THE BAD: While, yes, Noomi Rapace's Antonio Berardi jacket is a touch Hogwarts professor, I can live with that, but the makeup that makes it look like she's just kneaded out 20 pizza bases and then quickly run out the door to Paris Fashion Week without checking in the mirror? That's a true fail.
THE BAD: Firstly, Rita, please see my prior offer to Kate Mara re: the hair. Secondly, this Marchesa gown looks like my shower pouf down below and a bad piece of rope art you'd find in a twee nautical-themed B&B up top. It's a cappucino of a gown: too much froth, not enough substance (single shot?! It's basically brown milk. Viva la flat white). In other news, Tinie Tempah looks tres dapper in burgundy D&G. He's delightful.
THE GOOD: Sayonara Ugly Betty, America Ferrera is a smoking hot babe in Badgley Mischka. PS: Isn't it kind of weird that America is named after the country in which she was born? Hi, I'm New Zealand McFarlane. Doesn't have the same ring (and I was born in Scotland anyway).
THE GOOD: The Duchess of Cambridge has been recycling a lot of dresses recently, which is refreshing. She last wore this red Alexander McQueen dress at the Queen's 2012 royal river pageant (just with a hat). Naturally, she looks amazing, but what's going on with that polyester black-and-white job behind her?
THE GOOD: To the left Naomie Harris is wearing a Burberry velvet coat with mustard velvet sandals and somehow making that a very good thing; to the right she's wearing a Chanel dress that looks like the paint swatch wall that basically maintains my sanity when waiting in Bunnings while my husband spends hours looking at drill bits or something equally face-meltingly boring. AKA, two hard-to-pull-off outfits turned into pure style gold in one week. Love this woman.
THE GOOD: While the blue-tinted fringe is not my thing, it's very Lily Allen and she rocks it, and this Roland Mouret dress?! It's all about that angular neckline. She looks gorgeous. I'm really loving that blue-to-black ombre Chanel clutch too (and how much it goes with the aforementioned forehead curtain).
In our weekly best & worst dressed gallery we bring you the horrors and the hits from the week in red carpets - we only cover events where celebrities know they'll be snapped and critiqued for their fashion (so no Britney leaving Maccas in her trackies.) Why? Well because all humans - even celebs - should be allowed to look rubbish while packing a Quarter Pounder.
The Duchess and a Bond girl triumph this week, while models and musicians commit the worst style offences.
We haven't touched upon the Brit Awards or the Baftas here as we're all over them
here and here.