How to get free shoes

23:50, Nov 29 2012

Every now and then some stupid mistake happens that ends up turning into something awesome that ends up being useless to you but wonderful for others. Know what I mean? Probably not. I'll explain.

Also known as "how to get free shoes", it's an activity that you should definitely try at home, though I can't guarantee the results. I ordered these heels on Asos a few weeks back, perfect, frivolous specimens of fabulousness. I grinned and giggled as I hit the Buy button on my keyboard - it was the best $90 I'd ever wasted - like pubic hair for your toes. Ten days later an Asos box arrived on my doorstep. I was on my way out with a friend so I squealed and grabbed the box and rushed into her car simultaneously tearing the packet open and yelling "You won't believe how awes...what?" They weren't my shoes. There was no pubic hair to be seen. I had instead been sent a pair of River Island high top wedge sneakers, in metallic no less.

River Island sneakers accessorised with gangster chain. Because it seemed right at the time.

I was gutted. Not because I hated the shoes, but because they weren't my shoes. The sneakers they sent were actually really cool. The next day I took the shoes to work. Pissed off about having to spend $20 to send the order stuff-ups back to the UK, I was about to trudge to the post office when my flatmate texted me: "There's a parcel here from Asos." Inside were my shoes, the ones I actually ordered. So had I accidentally bought and paid for a pair of River Island sneakers? Checked my bank account, no. They just sent someone else's order to me by mistake.  

I emailed Asos and explained what had happened - do I really have to spend $20 sending your stuff-up back to you? "Don't bother," they said, "We're sorry, please keep them." I assume they then sent another pair to the person they were intended for.


That's how you get free shoes. I urge you to shop online and try it. But as I said before - I can't guarantee they're gonna stuff up your order. So now I have not only one pair of stupidly great heels, I also have a pair of River Island wedge high top sneakers. But as Murphy and his mean old law made it, they're not in my size. Bad for me, but great for you. Because I'm giving the suckers away. Boom!

Hip-hoppopotamus. Eat yer heart out Lil Wayne. 

So if you're a size 37 foot then these shoes are yours. Call it an early Christmas present. I should make you do a song and dance or make up a rap or bake me a cake or something but I don't trust your cooking. So if you want these shoes (you have to promise me you're a size 37 and will wear them and you're not just entering this comp because free stuff is cool), then holler at me in the comments below.

If you win I'll stalk you, hunt out your email address, ask you where you live and post you your shoes. Heck, I'll even beat Santa.

Have a great weekend!

Next week - dressing for drunken Xmas parties and I'll show you my new hairdo.